Jessica Lanyadoo - Astrology for Real Relationships: Understanding You, Me, and How We All Get Along

Friendship in the modern world is hard. While its arguably more important than ever, its also harder than ever to establish and maintain IRL. Astrology isnt just a tool to help you figure out how to date or keep a relationship strong; it also helps you find your true partners in crime, your chosen family, and the people that you can build your best life with. Friends are a resource for understanding yourself and your other relationships; they offer a sounding board and much-needed reality checks, and they love you through your least glamorous moments.

CONNECTING IN REAL LIFE

Understanding your friendships is a powerful way to understand yourself. How you choose to participate in friendship is a reflection of your own nature, aka your birth chart. Your choices, your actions, your feelingsand what you consent toare all about you.

The planet Mercury is responsible for all collegiate and platonic connections in our lives, including our friends, pals, acquaintances, neighbors, and siblings. Texting, DMing, and talking on the phone are all also ruled by Mercury, because its the planet of communication, ideas, and plans. Mercurys influence plays an important role in the formation of relationships, but its only one piece of the puzzle. While its the main planet we look to for friendship, the more emo connections are ruled by the Moon and Venus; the way we need to get our identities validated is ruled by the Sun; and the activities we pursue and the pace at which we pursue them are ruled by Mars.

Technology is interwoven in all of our lives and most of us have meaningful online friendships, but when these connections arent somehow rooted in physical presence and time spent together, the level of trust just isnt the same. (Anyone who has shared secrets over text with someone who may be DMing three other people at the same time knows exactly what Im talking about.)

We dont need all friendships to hit all the bases, but we do need at least some friendships that doand finding them isnt always easy. Developing connections that encompass more than just our Mercury is important. Availing ourselves of the world, opening ourselves up to interactive experiences IRL, and trying new things, even when its so much easier to stay home with our screens, is key to developing deeper, more satisfying friendships.

CHOSEN FAMILY

Family isnt just about our long-term relationships and our childrenhuman or fur babies. For those of us who have lost members of our families of origin or dont have great relationships with them, our community of friends serves an essential purpose. But fostering long-term platonic relationships takes effort, care, and a willingness to change over time. Friendships that span ten or more years and involve sharing our seminal life experiences can bring about a form of closeness that we might not be able to find any other way.

When the foundation of love or closeness is there, friendship can take any number of forms. More and more people are opting out of one-on-one romantic partnerships, in favor of polyamorous or less-structured relationships. Cultivating friendships or platonic loves with whom you can grow old (and even cohabitate) is important. As with dating, compatibility in friendship isnt just checking boxes. Ultimately, its about chemistry, trust, and shared values.

There is no prescription for growing and maintaining friendships because it involves all of the planets in your chart and in the other persons chart. Look to the Moon for how you emotionally avail yourself, Mercury for how you communicate, Venus for how you relate, Mars for the pace you adopt, and the Sun for the style in which you present yourself. Once you tap into your planetary placements, you still have to act.

FRIENDSHIP PRO TIPS

1. Show up. You cant have real intimacy when youre not really there for yourself or the other person.

2. Try. Sometimes friendship is about meeting at carnivals, petting ponies, and holding hands under a rainbow. And sometimes shit gets real. You may have to see your friends make stupid choices, or deal with how someone hurts your feelings. In all these scenarios, friendship requires effort.

3. Listen. Its not just about hearing the words others say. People are always revealing themselves to you, and its your job to listenwhen you get important information and ignore it, youre being a bad friend.

4. Discern. This is different from judging. Discernment means allowing your critical faculties to help you determine what your felt experience is, the information youre being given, and how to apply that to the context of your relationships.

5. Repeat.