Denise Morett - LIFELINE: A Parents Guide to Coping with a Childs Serious or Life-Threatening Medical Issue

Lifeline

A Parents Guide to Coping
with a Childs Serious or
Life-Threatening Medical Issue

Dr. Denise Morett

NEW YORK

NASHVILLEMELBOURNEVANCOUVER

Lifeline

A Parents Guide to Coping with a Childs Serious or Life-Threatening Medical Issue

2017 Dr. Denise Morett

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

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This book is not intended as a substitute for the medical advice of physicians or other counselor professionals. The reader should regularly consult a physician or relevant professional in matters relating to his/her health and particularly with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention, health or alternative healing.

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ISBN 9781683504146 paperback

ISBN 9781683504153 eBook

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017901033

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For my son, Ryan.

You bravely face life-changing challenges and keep going when many of us would feel like giving up. Your spirit and perseverance give me the courage to keep going at times I have felt collapse was near. Thank you, my amazing young son, for all you bring to my life and the gifts you are giving the world. If it were not for you, I would not have become a parent and this book would never have been written.

I feel like Im on a crazy ride on a new planet with unending waves crashing all around me. I feel like Im drowning in the swirling sea.

- Parent of a child with a serious medical issue

I f youre reading this book, then you have a child with a serious or life-threatening medical issue. There are no words that can fully capture how truly awful this is for you and your child. The level of despair, desperation, and constant worry for your childs life are likely beyond anything you could have imagined. For parents whose children are ill, injured, or suffering, emotions run high, and thoughts can feel circular and even extreme. The level of panic is typically at a tsunami level. If youre like me (Ill tell you my story in a minute), it all seems surreal.

I am so truly sorry this is happening in your life. No parent or child should ever experience such a thing. Nothing seems right when there is something wrong with your child. Its like being on another planet.

Perhaps your child has been diagnosed with a serious and/or life-threatening condition. Perhaps your child was injured in an accident or hurt suddenly, placing your childs life at risk. Perhaps your child has an ongoing chronic condition that will present lifelong challenges and unique needs for your child. Perhaps your child needs serious or life-threatening surgery.

When under such unimaginable stress, you experience many unexpected and extreme thoughts and emotions, from shock and fear to anger, hopelessness, and helplessness. Your thoughts are racing as you try, over and over, to figure out the biggest and the smallest details and issues. Theres little relief, and little sleep. Managing your home, job, other children, your childs school issues, and, likely, many aspects of your regular life is all overwhelmingespecially while you are trying to negotiate the medical world, treatment facilities, hospital stays, insurance, and medications. What if there were some things you could do that would actually help?

It might seem ridiculous and even impossible that much of anything will help right now. But even with all the worry, stress, and endless challenges, it is possible to have moments of relaxation and peace, find effective coping strategies and tips, and avoid the long-term effects of stress and strain. Even when there is no time, you can have restorative, restful moments that truly can help you survive and actually thrive when under the worst of circumstances. You can actually choose how you respond to whats happening.

Most likely, you have put off or have not even considered some or most of your own needs. That is totally expected and normal when a child has a medical issue. Even when everythings fine, parents tend to put themselves second. But in the midst of crisis, taking time for self-care, let alone pleasure, can feel inappropriate, challenging, and maybe even impossible.

So, the fact that you are reading this book at this moment is a feat of accomplishment in and of itself.

Typical stress management techniques and strategies may not work or be practical. But finding effective, simple, and helpful strategies is so important, particularly when time may be limited.

Thats part of why I wrote this book. I want you to have simple, easy, and effective resources that may not be otherwise readily available. My hope is for at least one easier moment in your life, for one thing that can go more smoothly. I also want you to know that peace and ease, even now, is possible. With the right resources, you can find empowerment and strength to support and guide you at all times.

If theres one thing I could give you from this book, it would be this:

It is okay not to be okay! And yet, you can also be okay when everything is not okay.

What I mean is that you do not have to figure it all out and have everything be resolved to feel okay. You can acknowledge and be aware your experiences. You can have moments of peace and balance that will actually support you so you can be with your childs circumstances and your experiences in the best way possible. Most of all, you can know that there is no right or wrong way to do this. Please dont judge yourself.

You may find it next to impossible to believe you can feel peace and a sense of okayness among the swirling sea of stress. But finding even the smallest sense of some peace will give you a little space and help you manage and take care of yourself and your child. When a space is created that allows for all your experiences, okay and not okay, it will help you cope with the actual stress.

As a clinical psychologist, I have worked for over 25 years with many individuals and families. Many of my patients have had a family member with a life-threatening medical issue. I have witnessed the complete desperation and despair. The space I provided for my patients in order to listen to their experience seemed to help.