C. Kelly Robinson - The Strong, Silent Type

Ever been invited to resign from your job? For me, the experience went something like this:

Three days after I made a fool of myself on the Fox News Channel, my cousin Errick invited me to lunch at midtown Atlantas Madison Grille. In addition to being family and my former best friend, Errick was VP of fund-raising for Communities in Action, a sister entity of my employer, the American Dream political party. He was also the assigned hit man.

I could say that my boss, Miriam Lloyd, the Dream Partys chairwoman, was too chicken to fire me herself, but I wont. The womans known me since the day I was born; if I were in her shoes, I doubt I could pull the trigger on a friends kid either. Better to let a water boy like Errick get his hands dirty.

Deke, you have to resign. You know I wouldnt do this if I didnt think it was best, for you and for the party. The words popped out of my cousins mouth after a half hour of small talk, just after our waitress promised our meals were on the way.

Hed pulled a sneak attack, but somehow I kept my cool. Although Errick had punctured the last, thin layer protecting my self-respect and pride, my real reaction wouldnt come for nearly twenty-four hours. Thats usually how it happens when folk lose it. As a brother with five NFL seasons under my belt and a proven track record of community activism, I have to say, failure was a new experience for me.

Protesting at first, I had loosened my tie and reminded Errick why I deserved to continue as the partys executive director. I had the training: a masters in public policy, earned at Carnegie Mellon during my years with the Pittsburgh Steelers. I had the experience: before joining the Dream Party, I had spent three years running education reform programs for Communities in Action, the empowerment organization my father founded before setting up the Dream Party. I didnt stop there, reminding Errick that I had trained at my fathers elbow, formally and informally, from the day I was born until his tragic death in a fire at his Washington, D.C., supper club. Errick, who like me is twenty-nine and was once more like a twin brother than a cousin, was touched, but he didnt buy my defense.

This aint about what I think, he whispered, his eye contact wavering as the waitress set a sizzling sirloin filet before him.

I wanted to believe him. Errick and I had been yin to each others yang for years. I was ruggedly handsome; he was just this side of pretty. I had the brainpower and the social conscience; he had the charm and the people skills. Back when we were teenage punks and my stutter turned me mute, Errick always stepped in and played Aaron to my Moses, covering for me with his flashy smile and quick wit. As a team, wed done it allseduced women from coast to coast, raised money for both Communities in Action and the Dream Party, and helped extend my fathers legacy. Damn, those days felt like ancient history.

Dont take this the wrong way, Deke, but Miriam always thought your stuttering would cause problems. Most people never see you talk like that, but come on, Miriams known you since you were a kid. She gave you a shot out of respect for your dad, but Jesus, after the way you bungled words in that interview? George Bush sounds more articulate on his worst day.

Momentarily overpowered by my cousins slam, as well as by the lingering scent of the waitresss heavy perfume, I reminded Errick this was my first time losing it during a media appearance. The Fox interview had been my first appearance on national television in a while, but through the years, Id handled myself perfectly on all sorts of radio and television shows.

When you lose it one time, Errick replied, no one remembers the times you got it right.

My brain was as good as frozen, but somehow my mouth kept moving. Defenses, pleas, and threats spilled out of me. I even reminded Errick of my children, not to mention my trusty child-support obligations. When none of that cracked him, I insisted on a face-to-face with Miriam.

That got nothing but a narrowed stare and an anxious wave of the hands from Errick. Not a good idea. You know Miriams just getting over that surgery; shes not at full strength yet. Thats why she came to me. This is a crucial time for the Dream Party, man. We have a chance to honor your fathers memory, build the Dream into the first viable political party for black folk.