John Yates - Raising Kids with Character That Lasts

Raising Kids
with Character
That Lasts

John Yates and
Susan Alexander Yates

1992 by John and Susan Yates

Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com

Spire edition published 2011
ISBN 978-0-8007-8784-4

E-book edition created 2010

Previously published by Baker Books in 2002 as Character Matters!

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

ISBN 978-1-4412-1493-5

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture is taken from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture marked NEB is taken from The New English Bible. Copyright 1961, 1970, 1989 by The Delegates of Oxford University Press and The Syndics of the Cambridge University Press. Reprinted by permission.

Scripture marked NIV is taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com

With grateful hearts to
our parents,

Frances Allison Alexander
Sydenham B. Alexander
Sue Tucker Yates
F. Ogburn Yates, Sr.,

who have demonstrated to us
and to countless others
maturity, wisdom, and character.

Contents

10 The Home Where Character Blossoms

(John and Susan)

F irst and foremost we are grateful to our parents, Fran and Syd Alexander, Sue Tucker Yates and F. Ogburn Yates, Sr., who courageously undertook the jobs of raising us! Most of the good things that we have learned about character comes from them.

Our children, Allison, John, Christopher, Susy, and Libby, continue to teach us much about character. They are our greatest treasures and our dearest friends.

Ann Hibbard, our editor, close friend, and partner in ministry, encouraged us throughout the entire book and held us to a high standard. Special thanks to her husband Jim and children Laura and Mark, who generously shared their mom.

We are grateful to John Viccellio, our good friend and garden enthusiast, for his help with the final chapter. Suzie Hancock and Linda Yarr gave us invaluable help with the manuscript. Frank and Joan Alexander, Fran and Catlin Cade, Syd and Laurie Alexander, and Elaine Metcalf provided helpful feedback on the content.

Many others helped along the way, especially Beth Spring, Tom Barratt, Elizabeth Said, and Ann and Doug Holliday. Mike and Gail Hyatt and Robert and Bobbie Wolgemuth were a real support in the publication of the first edition of this book. We are thankful to be a part of the wonderful publishing team at Baker Publishing Group.

We are especially grateful to the people of the Falls Church (Episcopal). They are our family, and their prayers and love support us in so many ways. We are privileged to continue to grow in character with them.

(Susan)

R ecently two entirely different events in my life have caused me to ponder issues that I dont ordinarily focus on in my hectic daily schedule.

Allison, the eldest of our five children, is preparing to go off to college in just two weeks. Her leaving causes a wave of different emotions within my heart as John and I begin this new season of watching our children leave. There is pride in herin who she is. I marvel at the lady she has become. There is a sense in which I know that I have watched Gods grace at work in the raising of this precious daughter, for His grace has covered many of our parental blunders. Her faith is strong, and she has a quiet beauty that radiates self-confidence and security. There is also a sadness within my heartthe sadness of seeing not only my daughter but also my close friend move away. How I will miss her companionship.

Beneath the surface of so many jumbled emotions, several questions keep coming to mind. As I visualize her on campus, different scenarios appear: challenging classes, new friendships, parties, diverse lifestyles. There will be the witty, attractive secularist in the classroom. Will she be discerning or taken in by the allure of intellectual elitism? She will be exposed to well-thought-out skepticism. Will it shake her or challenge her to reexamine her faith and grow stronger, wiser, and better grounded? Students around her will be indulging sexual desires. Will she be strong enough to resist temptation? The abundance of good activities will provide her with numerous opportunities to overcommit herself. Will she make wise decisions in how to spend her time? When she fails, will she have the wisdom to recognize failure and learn from her mistakes without succumbing to self-condemnation?

Beneath the different scenes are the underlying questions: Is she equipped to go out on her own? Has she developed the character that will enable her to face and stand firm in whatever comes her way in life?

The second event that has caused me to ponder deep questions has been the illness of a dear friend. Just this past week we found out that our close friend and partner on our church staff has Lou Gehrigs disease. He is only forty-one with a wife and three young children. A man of deep faith, he gave up a secure position several years ago to come to Washington, DC, to minister to the street people. When the diagnosis was confirmed, John and I wept together with Logan and his wife MaryLyman. Whenever we think about the children and MaryLyman, we cry again. Yet God has been very present in the midst of all of this. Logan has said that God is in this and that his only desire is that God be honored through his illness.

Seeing a dear friend battle terminal illness causes me to wonder about my own maturity. It causes me to examine my own faith. And it raises several questions. Do I have what it takes to trust God to the end? Have I the strength of character to resist despair and hopelessness? When life does not go the way I want it to, do I question Gods caring power or do I stand firm, trusting in His love? When I am tempted to stray, do I resist my natural desires and instead obey God? Do I acknowledge my failures and seek forgiveness? Do I have the strength of character that will equip me with a quiet confidence to stand firm in lifes blessings and in lifes challenges?

As I help Allison pack to leave, and as I watch Logan prepare to die, I ask the question: What is really important in life?

It is not education, accomplishments, material possessions, health, or significance.

It is character that will sustain a child, an adult, a family. As parents we want to raise confident children with a sense of destinykids who know who they are and where they are going. We want this for ourselves as well. Character isnt something we get and then just pass on to our children. All of our lives we, too, are growing; we never finish.

Developing a character that stands firm is not something that will happen automatically. Good character development is not a hit-or-miss process. We need goals for character development, and we need practical ways of achieving these goals. This is the reason for this book.

Our job as parents is to equip our children for life. Training in character development is the heart and soul of this task. A Christian home is not a perfect home. Instead, it is a place where people are continually in process, a place where parents and children are growing.