Dr. Tim Kimmel - Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right

No man is an island, and no book is a solo. I want to gratefully thank the following people for their contributions.

Rodger Strader: You struck the match and fanned the flames.

Larry Libby and Steve Halliday: Multnomah's tag team editors who flourished through the two-minute warning.

John Trent: You never stop encouraging.

Kory Schuknecht and Barry Asmus: For providing generous access to the think tank.

Barry and Kay MacBan: For getting the project moving and seeing it through. And thanks to WGM and O for the use of the catacombs.

Joe and Judy Carlo: For loaning me the keys to the room with the view.

Jeannie Harkey: For chasing down the details and keeping everything on course.

Mark Holmlund: You ought to rent out your mind and your dining room table. I appreciated both.

Darcy: Your spirit lives in this book.

Karis, Cody, Shiloh, & Colt: The legacy is for you.

As we have seen, good families don't occur by accident. They are the result of careful planning and deliberate effort. "Parenting on purpose" requires concentrated time in an undistracted setting. One of the best ways to make this happen is for parents to isolate themselves for a weekend in order to work on a strategy. This plan can then be used to develop character traits in their children that will withstand the tests of time.

By getting away at least once a year, a mother and father can evaluate each child's progress, focus on essential character issues, and tailor a strategy that will maximize each child's development over the next year. Weekend planning sessions make "raising kids who turn out right" an easier goal to attain. They provide opportunity to establish goals that can in turn be broken into manageable moments.

To make this process a little easier, I've put together a schedule, some checklists, a few projects, and worksheets to help you get the most out of your weekend. These are designed to help you crystallize your strategy for bringing your children to maturity.

Yes, I realize we all have a built-in aversion to things called "projects" or "worksheets." There's no doubt that a weekend like this will require genuine effort. I'd be lying if I said it would be painless. When we honestly discuss where our children areand where we are as their parentsit can get frustrating. But your conscientious efforts to develop your family's destiny will put you light-years ahead of most parents, and give you more confidence in where you're going.

This will take an investment of time and money. It will take a commitment to be inconvenienced. But both you and your children will enjoy the reward.

What you have in the pages of this appendix is a suggestion of how you can spend your time. You, of course, know your children's needs better than anyone else. You may need to adapt these projects, or develop some that more particularly meet your needs. What is most important is that you have a plan.

God bless you as you build the legacy.

A CHECKLIST FOR A SUCCESSFUL WEEKEND MONTHS IN ADVANCE ...

Pick a weekend and clear the schedule on your calendars.

Choose an affordable retreat location that provides the comfort, atmosphere, and convenience for a productive weekend.

Arrange for child care.

Look over the projects in order to be better prepared to maximize them as a tool for discussion.

Enlist friends to pray for you during the weekend.

Pray for a constructive weekend every day for thirty days prior to your retreat.

JUST BEFORE YOU GO ...

Pack your Bible.

Pack family albums, photos of the children, and anything that might help you analyze your children's accomplishments and needs better (report cards, awards, medical reports, counselor's reviews, etc.).

Pack stationery and notebooks.

Tell your kids that you are going off to work on next year's strategy for the family.

Pack your calendars and datebooks. Bring schedules of events that will need to be on the calendar in the following year (work projects, church events, summer camp dates, school calendars, team schedules, etc.).

Make copies of the projects (you have permission to copy enough to have one to fill in for each child in your family). You may want to use a copier with the capability to enlarge the forms so that you will have more room to write.

SUGGESTED SCHEDULE FOR THE WEEKEND
Friday Evening

The Past:

Fill in the spaces on Project #1 for each child.

Spend some time looking at the family album and photos of your children before you go to bed.

Saturday Morning

Quiet Time: See the following suggested Scripture and questions.

The Future:

Reread Chapter Two: "A Blueprint For Your Child's Character."

Respond to the information in Project #2.

The Present:

Begin discussing and filling out the information in Project #3.

Saturday Afternoon

Complete Project #3.

Fill in the responses to Project #4.

The Models:

Work on Project #5 individually.

Saturday Evening

Put discussions of the kids aside for the evening and enjoy some undistracted time together.

Sunday Morning

Quiet Time: See the following suggested Scripture and questions.

The Plan:

Work on the suggestions for Project #6.

SATURDAY MORNING'S QUIET TIME

Scripture:

To the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow elder, a witness of Christ's sufferings and one who also will share in the glory to be revealed: Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseersnot because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.

Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:1-7, NIV).

1. What advice within this passage stands out in your mind as you consider your role as a parent?

2. What is one promise that you can embrace from this passage to help you through your day?

Pray: For each other, for your children, and for your planning time.

SUNDAY MORNING'S QUIET TIME

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us allhow will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who diedmore than that, who was raised to lifeis at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

For your sake we face death all day long;

we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:31-39, NIV).

1. What principles within this passage comfort you as you consider your responsibilities as a married couple and as parents?