B.J. Gallagher - Womens Work is Never Done: Celebrating Everything Women Do

Women's Work Is To...

AFFIRM our own and each other's worth,

BE CURIOUS and ask good questions,

COMMIT ourselves to excellence,

DIG deeply into life's mysteries,

EXPRESS ourselves authentically,

and much, much more. Filled with humor, wit, insight, and wisdom, this wonderful collection honors the many forms that women's work takes. With wise quips and quotes from women past and present, funny stories that say I've been there and know how it feels, plus Tips and Tools for Women @ Work.

Women's Work Is Never Done...

is a book to keep wherever women workin the boardroom or in the kitchen, in the car or the classroom, the laboratory, the office, the gym.

First published in 2006 by Conari Press,

an imprint of Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC

York Beach, ME

With offices at:

500 Third Street, Suite 230

San Francisco, CA 94107

www.redwheelweiser.com

Copyright 2006 BJ Gallagher

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC. Reviewers may quote brief passages.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Hateley, B. J. Gallagher (Barbara J. Gallagher), 1949

Women's work is never done : celebrating everything women do / B.J. Gallagher.

p. cm.

ISBN 1-57324-266-7 (alk. paper)

1. Women. 2. WomenSocial conditions. I. Title.

HQ1155.H38 2006

305.4dc22

2005027600

Typeset in Truesdell, GillSans, and SignPainter by Jill Feron/FeronDesign

Printed in the United States of America

QB

13 12 11 10 09 08 07 06 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of the American National Standard for Information Sciences-Permanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials Z39.48-1992 (R1997).

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For Karen Gallagher, whose unique blend of skill and charm makes women's work look easy and elegant. I'm doubly blessed to count you as both family and friend.

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My mother used to shake her head and sigh, Women's work is never done. As a girl, I didn't know what she meant. Today I know. I've learned that the phrase working woman is redundant. All women workmost in their homes, many in the workplace, some in their communities, others in their places of worshipand all of us work just to keep body and soul together!

We build and nurture relationships with friends and family. We communicate our desires, demonstrate our feelings, navigate our way through busy days and complex lives. We ovulate, menstruate, gestate, procreate, lactate, meditate, create, animate, illustrate, agitate, aggravate, debate, propagate, litigate, delegate, compensate, radiate, and emulate. Some women even levitate and aviate! Women's work is cyclical, never ending, ever evolving, always important.

This book is a celebration of women who workand that's all of us!

Where there is woman there is magic.

NTOZAKE SHANGE, poet, playwright, performance artist

It's so easy for women

to slip into self-doubt

and feeling inadequate.

After all,

we shoulder a lot of responsibilities

being supportive of our mates,

nurturing our children,

staying in touch with extended family,

holding down jobs

while holding down the fort at home.

No wonder we sometimes feel

anxious,

exhausted,

insecure,

second-guessing ourselves.

We need to know

we're not alone.

We need to hear

that other women

share our experiences.

Atta girl never sounded so sweet

as when coming from the lips

of another woman.

She understands,

she's been there, done that.

She gets it

she gets me.

We take turns

encouraging,

supporting,

cheering one another on.

We learn to do it for ourselves, too.

Just reach right over your shoulder, girl,

and pat yourself on the back.

You're terrific,

and you and I both know it.

Thank goodness for women in the world who get it. Girlfriends who notice all the things we do welland comment on them. What a great outfitI love the way you combine colors.... Thank you for the thoughtful birthday giftyou're so good at picking out the perfect present.... I love having you as my friendwe always have such a good time together.

I do the same for them. I let other women know when they do something I especially like. I affirm how much I value them as friendsas people. I live by the maxim, Catch people doing something right,... then acknowledge them for it.

No one responds well to guilt and shame. So why is it that people try to scold, nag, nitpick, and fault-find us into changing our ways? Don't they know it doesn't work? Not only is it ineffective, it's infuriating. From the Stand up straight of our girlhood to the You should... we hear every day, I vote we put away the negatives and try to accentuate the positivefor ourselves and others.

Everyone is hungry for appreciation. We all want to be valued, cherished, and respected. Sure, there will always be critics ready to point out our shortcomings. But the women I'm most grateful for are those who celebrate what's right with the worldand the people in it!

Tips and Tools for Women @ Work
CATCH PEOPLE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT

The mind is a mismatch detector. It always notices what's wrong before it notices what's right. That's why we are quick to criticize and so slow to compliment. I'll bet most people say ten negative things for every one positive thing they say to others!

Wouldn't you rather be a people praiser than a people critic? For sure, you'd get better results from your relationshipsI guarantee it. People want to be around others who make them feel good about themselves.

Ken Blanchard, coauthor of many wonderful business books (including The One Minute Manage r), taught me to catch people doing something rightand I'd like to pass it along to you. Try an experiment: For the next week, watch the people around youat work and at homeand when they do something you like, show your approval and appreciation.

Here are a few guidelines:

1. Be specifictell them exactly what they did that you like.
2. Be timelydo it as soon as possible (don't wait three days to show your appreciation).
3. Be sincerepeople can tell if you don't really mean it, and it will backfire.
4. Be personaltell them why you like what they did and how it affects you.