B.J. Gallagher - Witty Words from Wise Women: Quips, Quotes, and Comebacks

Advance Praise for Witty Words from Wise Women This book is like having all the wise, loving, courageous, creative women on the planet for your own nurturing momand always right there when you need her most. Its a treasure of wisdom, inspiration, and ideas. Susan Page, author of How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together I couldnt put this book down without smiling or laughing many times and circling or highlighting over a dozen brilliant quotes. This collection can easily be one of those gifts-that-keep-on-giving. It will always be appreciated, and it will be used again and again! Dr. Judy B. Judy B.

Rosener, author of Americas Competitive Secret: Women Managers A much needed compendium of wisdom and wit assuring even the most doubtful among us that we are not alone. Dr. Kathleen Kelley Reardon, author of They Dont Get It, Do They? and The Secret Handshake Other books by B. J. Gallagher Hateley Telling Your Story, Exploring Your Faith A Peacock in the Land of Penguins
(with Warren H. Schmidt) Pigeonholed in the Land of Penguins
(with Warren H.

Schmidt) Customer at the Crossroads
(with Eric Harvey) Is It Always Right to Be Right?
(with Warren H. Schmidt) What Would Buddha Do at Work?
(with Franz Metcalf) Witty Words from Wise Women copyright 2001 by B. J. Gallagher Hateley. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews.

Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC
an Andrews McMeel Universal company
1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64106 www.andrewsmcmeel.com Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Witty words from wise women / [compiled by] B.J. Gallagher. p. cm. Includes index. ISBN 0-7407-1224-1 1.

Quotations, English. 2. WomenQuotations. I. Gallagher, B. (Barbara J.) PN6081.5 .W57 2001

For information, please e-mail the Andrews McMeel Publishing Special Sales Department: For all the wise, witty women in my family: my wonderful mother, Gloria, along with Karen, Marilyn, Auntie El, Doris, Kathy, and little Amy.

Contents

Foreword by Arielle Ford BETWEEN US GIRLS
Wickedly Wonderful Womens Wit GIRLFRIENDS
Woman to Woman, Heart to Heart MEN
Women Are from Venus,
Men Are from... Pluto? WORK LIFE
The Rat Race SUCCESS
What Do Women Really Want? STRUGGLE AND DISAPPOINTMENT
Indomitable Spirit MONEY
The Best Things in Life Are... Expensive EMPOWERMENT
Can We Have It All? CREATIVITY AND SELF-EXPRESSION
Show Your True Colors MAKING A DIFFERENCE
Womens Legacy to the World LOVE AND MARRIAGE
Living Happily Ever After? MOTHERHOOD AND FAMILY
Kids, Kith, and Kin INSPIRATION
Food for Our Souls

Foreword

This little book is like chocolate. Chocolate delights, energizes, comforts, and induces a wonderful sense of
well-being. You will experience all these feelings and more as you indulge yourself in the pleasure of these pages.

This delightful collection of quips, quotes, and snappy comebacks from wise, witty women will remind you of some of your own experiences and thoughts about life. As you savor them you will notice that, like chocolate, womens thoughts and feelings come in different flavorsdark and bitter, milky and smooth, light and creamy, and my own personal favorite, the paradoxical bittersweet. Whatever your preference, youll savor these morsels of wit and wisdom as chocolate for your heart and soul. Arielle Ford, author of Hot Chocolate for the Soul

BETWEEN US GIRLS

W ickedly W onderful W omens W it W omen say the darndest things! Women are smart; women are insightful; women are introspective; women are observant; women are sensitive; and, often, women are very funny. If I didnt laugh, Id cry, we sometimes say. We laugh at the crazy predicaments we get ourselves into, and the crazy people in our lives, especially our families.

Humor is one of our most valuable assets in life, helping us get through difficult situations without killing ourselves... or anyone else . The ability to laugh at ourselves is the best kind of humor. It helps us see things in the proper perspective, and it keeps us from taking ourselves too seriously. As Elsa Maxwell encourages us: Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

Dorothy Parker I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin Deep down, Im pretty superficial. Ava Gardner The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then its you. Rita Mae Brown The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to buy them a drink.

Fran Lebowitz The idea of strictly minding our own business is moldy rubbish. Who could be so selfish? Myrtle Barker I dont have the time every day to put on makeup. I need that time to clean my rifle. Henriette Mantel I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. Janette Barber You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? Its plucking your eyebrows.

Thats how I originally got pierced ears. Geri Jewell A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. Carrie Snow Who ever thought up the word mammogram ? Every time I hear it, I think Im supposed to put my breast in an envelope and mail it to someone. Jan King Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. Nicole Hollander We have women in the military, but they dont put us in the front lines. They dont know if we can fight, if we can kill.