Emily Dubin Field - Experiencing Surrogacy: Perspective and Advice from a Surrogates and Intended Parents Pregnancy Journey Together

EXPERIENCING SURROGACY:

Perspective and Advice from a Surrogates and Intended Parents Pregnancy Journey Together

By Emily Dubin Field and Melissa Fleck

Copyright 2020 Emily Dubin Field and Melissa Fleck

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without prior written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations in articles or reviews.

Disclaimer: The information in this book is not intended and should not be construed as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you or any other person has a medical question, issue, or concern, you should consult with your healthcare provider or seek other professional medical treatment. Do not disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this book. The views and opinions expressed in this book have no relation to those of any health practice, hospital, academic, or other institution.

Published by Van Rye Publishing, LLC

www.vanryepublishing.com

ISBN-13: 978-1-7340344-1-7

ISBN-10: 1-7340344-1-6

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019950951

Dedication

For Ava

This book is for you so that you may know more about your birth story and how badly Daddy and I wanted you.

Love, your mommy, Emily

&

For Kevin, Liam, and Harper

Thank you for always supporting my dreams and lifting me up to help me achieve my goals. You are my reason, and I love you all so much.

Love, your mom, Melissa

By coming forward and sharing your story, you dont know the countless lives you change.

Mariska Hargitay

Table of Contents

Preface

Purpose of This Book

S URROGACY IS A UNIQUE, beautiful, and challenging way to have a baby. Emily, intended parent, and Melissa, gestational surrogate, compiled a list of the ten main stages of the surrogacy process, which they discuss in this book from their individual perspectives. They hope that through you reading about their personal experiences, you will feel informed and supported, whether you are looking into surrogacy as an intended parent or surrogate, are currently involved in your surrogacy, are a professional in the field of fertility and infertility, or are simply curious about surrogacy and want to know more. This is their story, and they hope to make a difference by sharing it.

This book is divided into ten parts. For each part, Emily and Melissa will share their individual perspectives of that particular part of the surrogacy journey. Sometimes intended parents get to hear from former intended parents while surrogates get to hear from former or current surrogates. What makes this book unique is that it gives someone in these roles the opportunity to hear from not only the person in their same role but also from the other side. And if you are neither an intended parent nor a surrogate, it will provide you an opportunity to share in the surrogacy journey from a more well-rounded view, getting both perspectives. This book is intended to be a quick read (because who has time to read something long?).

As a reader of this book, you should note that Emily and Melissa were matched in 2014, and Ava was born in 2015. But the field of assisted reproduction and surrogacy is constantly changing and evolving. So, it is important to keep oneself updated and educated as new developments occur. You should also note that some names and identifying details in this book have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals. And lastly, you should note that this book is the personal experience of the authors. Every persons surrogacy journey is unique, and the relationship among the parties is unique. Not all surrogacies result in a baby, and not all intended parents and surrogates have a relationship similar to the authors.

Melissa and Emily

Introduction

How Our Pregnancy Journey Began

EMILY (INTENDED PARENT)

H i, Im Emily. Im a mom, thanks to in vitro fertilization (IVF) and surrogacy. It took my husband Gregg and me three years to have our miracle babyand I definitely believe and feel that she is a miracle! When we decided to try to get pregnant, we automatically assumed that we would be like the majority of our friends and get pregnant fairly quickly. At that time, we had good jobs, had purchased our first home together, had rescued a dog, and had taken several amazing trips around the world. We believed we were ready for a baby, so I went off birth control pills for a few months, stayed fit and healthy, and completed genetic testing.

After close to a year of trying (and even ovulating on our wedding anniversary), we were not pregnant, so I made an appointment with my obstetrician-gynecologist (OB-GYN). Her first suggestion was to have Greggs sperm tested and for me to undergo acupuncture sessions. We took her advice and did both. The morphology and motility of Greggs sperm were a bit abnormal, so my OB-GYN suggested we take the next step and referred us to a reproductive endocrinologist (RE), Dr. Ben-Ozer (Dr. B).

We made our appointment with Dr. B right away (we are very on-it people!). Gregg was extremely distraught that he could be the reason for our infertility, and understandably so. We decided to perform an insemination as our first step. When we saw Dr. B, she could tell that I was getting close to ovulating, so we decided to just go through with it and attempt it then. According to her, washing Greggs sperm would help our chances. Although we were hopeful, I ultimately got my period.

At our next appointment with Dr. B, she advised that it was now my turn to go in for a series of tests. I was shocked. I asked, Why? I thought Gregg has the problem, not me. She reassured me that she just wanted to be certain there were no issues on my side before we attempted anything else. I was really hesitant and not in support of this tactic; after all, we had already determined what the issue was, right? But after the initial shock and denial that I actually might be part of the problem wore off, I finally made the rational decision to listen to all of Dr. Bs recommendations and be tested. And it turned out that I was the real issuenot Gregg! Although those results made my husband feel relieved about himself, I was absolutely devastated. Thankfully, Gregg quickly began supporting me during the next stressful stages of our journey. Marriages can be tested during trying times, so it was crucial to Gregg and me that our relationship remain strong. We truly were a teamin this together.

Infertility treatments are not fun! I had more vials of blood drawn than I could even count; two to three doctors appointments per week; countless vaginal ultrasounds; a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) procedure, which they had to perform twice because the first time it didnt work properly; multiple medicated intrauterine inseminations (IUIs); multiple rounds of IVF, which was very rare because my follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) and anti-Mllerian hormone (AMH) levels were bad; cancelled IVF cycles since my follicles werent responding; failed embryo transfers; a hysteroscopy; biopsies; dozens of supplements to take daily; acupuncture sessions; and certain so-called fertile foods to eat, like fertile eggs, green tea, Mama Chia drinks, and more. This process continued month, after month, after month. I vividly remember being at work and having to go into the bathroom a few times per day to insert vaginal suppositories. In addition, I literally could not wear work pants for an entire year because my stomach was so bruised from the shots. I was emotionally, physically, and psychologically exhausted, and despite Greggs constant support, I now felt totally depressed and defeated. And not to mention the amount of money we had already spent!