PhD ODonnell - What a Son Needs From His Dad: How a Man Prepares His Sons for Life

W hen I was a young dad, one day I found myself listening to the way my son talked. I began to hear more of his mothers warm, witty, and very personable manner of speech. Patrick already had many of my wifes physical features, but I guess I hadnt thought about how truly verbal he was.

Rachel is an excellent talker, too. Although Im known for my skills behind a lectern or pulpit, its really my wife who can turn a phrase. Many times Ive wanted to record her speaking, because its more than what she says, its how she says it that really holds my attention.

There I was in my sons room. It was late and I was getting ready to put him to bed. Patrick was looking at me, telling me a story in just the same way Rachel would. The same mannerisms. The same facial expressions. The same tone of voice.

I thought to myself, How does he copy her so well? Is it in the genes or is it some environmental thing?

Just then Rachel came into the bedroom and said to Patrick, Okay, guy, its time for bed. Kiss Daddy good-night and get under the covers. Ill be in to read to you from The Chronicles of Narnia.

Then it hit me. Of course, she read to him! It was their bedtime ritual. And so, on a regular basiswhether Patrick was consciously aware of it or nothe was taking in every word. Every idea. Every night. But just as important, he was capturing her style and personality. Not just what she said but how she said it. Why, he was imitating herhook, line, and sinker! I thought to myself, This is good.

The Bible says we should keep in mind those who have spoken the Word of God to us and consider their manner or way of life and imitate it (see Hebrews 13:7). It also says that Gods Son is the express image of himself (see Hebrews 1:3). And now, before me, I have a son whowhen telling a dramatic storyis the exact representation of his mother.

My point is this: As we prepare our sons for life, our job is as simple as it is challenging. At its most basic level, our job as fathers involves living in a way that makes a lasting impression on our sons, so that our best ways become their ways.

As I was watching Patrick get ready for bed, I noticed that he had my habit of talking too quickly. We called it fast talk. And sometimes he ran his thoughts together at such high speed that I couldnt comprehend a single word. Yes, he copied the good as well as the not so good!

Some of you may remember the public service announcement that ran on TV during the 70s. In it we saw a little boy walking with his dad. The dad picks up a stone and throws it; the son picks up a stone and throws it. The dad washes his car with a hose; the son washes his car with a water pistol. The dad takes a pack of cigarettes out of his top pocket and, lighting one up, begins to smoke. The son reaches for the pack of cigarettes the father has laid on the ground, and the voice-over says, Like father, like sonthink about it.

Very convincing. So much so that media experts tell us that cigarette purchases by men dropped significantly during the years that particular PSA ran. Now, thats the power of TVand its the power of fatherhood.

Even so, we fathers forget that we are being watched. Studied, if you please, to see how things are done. When children are young, they want so much to be like us. Do the things we do. Watch the same TV programs. See the same movies. Have the same heroes. Root for the same athletic teams. Wear the same clothes!

So much so that years ago, Madison Avenue came out with father-and-son wear. A kid could put on the same designer clothing as dear ol dad. Like conjoined twins, they could even sport the same underwearindistinguishable in color and style. No doubt this is great stuff. I only wish raising my son right had been as easy as dressing alike! But you and I know it isnt that easy.

That night when Rachel came back into Patricks bedroom and I wandered out of it, I thought, What kind of impact am I going to make on him? What will I have passed on to him when he walks out that door one day... all grown up, headed for college or his first job away from home? Maybe with a girl on his arm and marriage on his mind? What will I have taught him about life, love, work? Ive had some pretty intense experiences on the job, like the time I worked for a guy who kept trying to test me to see if Id go along with something immoral or unethical. I dont know what his problem was, but it really got to me because he was supposed to be a Christian. Would Patrick be ready to work for some demon-boss? What about when so-called buddies came along, offering a joint to smoke? Or a girl who would love to make him feel really nice?

Weve got to be there for our sons. The world is impacting them and calling to them all the time. The day they leave home will be the moment of truth. Will they be ready to stand on their own two feet? Will they have sufficient moral courage to do what is right? Will they acknowledge God in all of their waysin marriage, in home life, and on the job? The answers to these questions will be greatly affected by our intentional involvement in their lives now... or our lack of involvement. With nothing left to chance, we can begin to influence, shape, and guide themhelping to mold them into young men of strength and integrity.

In the following pages is my sincere effort to enter into a dialogue with you. I care deeply about the potential impact of such a book on your life, so much so that I asked men from all over America to pray for me as I wrote. I asked them to pray for Gods guidance, because I know beyond any doubt that God wants each one of us to learn what a son needs from his dad.