Ian Grant - Growing Great Boys: 100s of practical strategies for bringing out the best in your son

Contents

An essential and easy-to-follow guide to bringing up boys from thevital pre-school years through to thechallenging teenage ones.

In Growing Great Boys, bestselling parenting guruIan Grant:

• shows how to work with the essential characterof boys to raise loyal, passionate, hard-working,sensitive, funny, fearless and strong men
• explains the importance of fathers as well as the value of mothers
• explores the specific challenges faced by lone parents
• gives vital tips, quotes and advice to cope with every aspect of bringing up boys

Ians straightforward common-sense approach to bringing up boys will help give you confidence as a parent and encourage you to take a hands-onapproach to coaching your son to succeed in life.

Ian Grant is one of New Zealands best-known parenting experts. With his wife Mary, he runs Parents Inc., which hosts parenting seminars and programmes. Married for 42 years, they have three adult children and five grandsons.

This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the authors and publishers rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

Epub ISBN: 9781407022062

Version 1.0

www.randomhouse.co.uk

1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

First published in 2006 by Random House New Zealand

First published in the UK in 2008 by Vermilion, an imprint of Ebury Publishing

Ebury Publishing is a Random House Group company

Copyright Ian Grant 2008

Ian Grant has asserted his right to be identified as the author of this Work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owner.

The Random House Group Limited Reg. No. 954009

Addresses for companies within the Random House Group can be found at www.randomhouse.co.uk

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 9780091923525

IAN GRANT HAS a genuine gift for getting to the heart of what concerns and challenges all parents as they experience the joys, the excitement, the wonder and the worries of parenting in the new millennium. He has a warm and deep understanding of the human condition.

Growing Great Boys is a delightful manual for successfully guiding, coaching, coaxing, disciplining, loving, encouraging and inspiring boys from birth through to their teenage years. Its substance is insightful and challenging and it will be rewarding to all parents who read it.

While firmly emphasising the importance of both mother and father in the parenting roles, and pointing out the different and essential contributions both make to a young boys life, Ian provides special advice on and encouragement for the fathers role. Fathers are not male mothers, they have a parenting style all of their own, Ian says. And, Every boy needs a male in his life to download the software of how to be a man. And, Youve got what it takes, son!

The books format presents logical themes running through each chapter that culminate in twelve cornerstone pieces of advice that parents can leave with their sons and know that they will be successful, positive, contented men. The advice given is based on Ians lifelong involvement with young people and family life, his wide reading of distinguished scholars on parenting, and on his bringing up his own daughter and two sons. The book provides guidance, advice, opinions, humour, anecdotes and practical solutions in an inspiring and cheerful manner. It is neither patronising nor judgemental but, rather, heart-warming and encouraging.

Growing Great Boys is a book for all seasons every parent, every family, whatever age, stage or condition, whoever they are, will find this book fascinating reading. It is a scholarly book which does not trivialise the issues that parents face but shows a deep and warm understanding of the special relationships between parents and growing boys. This relationship and the development of strong, united, caring families is surely one of the most important challenges, if not the most important challenge, facing all nations in the years ahead.

Ian Grants book provides genuine answers to this crucial challenge and adds another chapter to his lifelong contribution to the wellbeing of young people and families in New Zealand and throughout the world.

It is a privilege to have been invited to write a foreword to this important book.

D. J. Graham C.B.E.

Former Headmaster, Auckland Grammar School

Former Chancellor, Auckland University

President, New Zealand Rugby Football Union

Chairman, Parents Inc. NZ

A boy is wisdom with bubble gum in his hair... the hope of the future with a frog in his pocket.

Anon

I HAVE JUST returned from a wonderful few weeks visiting my adult children and five special little grandsons, on two continents. To be perfectly honest, Im a little exhausted, but feeling really good. I have played rough-and-tumble games, fixed toys, replaced a zillion batteries, walked (or, rather, run) beside miniature learning cyclists, kicked balls, pulled kids on blankets around polished floors and told all my favourite bedtime stories several times over (and over) by special request.

In reconnecting with these little boys, I have experimented with some grandparent to grandson male bonding. Armed as I was with perhaps more perspective, time and knowledge about the nature of boys than I had been as a dad, I was conscious about communicating some of the definitive boy messages vital to every little boys sense of identity.

I ensured that, woven into all the games we played, was the key message every male wants to hear Youve got what it takes, son.

Whether it was a high five as a game began, the granddads thumbs up code of approval (especially when one of them began to lose it), or the little chat on the sideline that let them know I understood, I consciously built this underlying message into all my interactions. It was amazing how quickly a boy who was affirmed in this way recovered his composure.

I am convinced that, if we wish to recover for boys of this generation a sense of identity and mission, we must parent them with certain things in mind. We cannot turn the clock back and nostalgically re-establish the ways of the past. We must capitalise on what can be positively embraced by sons in their culture, and protect them from the violent and salacious. We must lend them our eyes and our perspective, and give them boundaries until they themselves learn to be discerning and morally strong.

There is something special and magical about boys. Every parent of a boy notices, for instance, that their personalities and wiring are different from girls. Left in the back garden to play, they will think up action games, climb trees or create mock battles. They love action and heroism. They love to be challenged physically and to be part of a team. Boys are the ultimate explorers and adventurers, and often display exuberant energy creating challenges for parents in our urbanised society.