Bill Beausay - Teenage Boys. Surviving and Enjoying These Extraordinary Years

T EENAGE B OYS!
P UBLISHED BY W ATER B ROOK P RESS
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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (NKJV) are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (NASB) are taken from the New American Standard Bible (NASB). Copyright The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

eISBN: 978-0-307-78958-7

Copyright 1998, 2001 by William J. Beausay II

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Acknowledgments

I would like to express my sincere thanks to several people who have made this expanded version of Teenage Boys! possible. First to Dan Rich, president and publisher of WaterBrook Press, for his faith in me as a writer and for his undying passion to create books that matter.

Id also like to thank the entire editorial staff and marketing team at WaterBrook. Special thanks to Ron Lee for his invaluable help in focusing my feeble ideas into a coherent bolt of intelligence in of this book; to Doug Gabbert, a father of the highest caliber and passionate salesman for this book; and Rebecca Price, the first person to look at my stuff and give me a shot.

No word of thanks would be complete without tipping my hat to my agent, Sara Fortenberry. Her expert and steady guidance through troubled times has meant the world to me. And of course my kids: Jake, Jessie, and Zac. Youll never know what youve allowed me to learn. I love you more than I can say. To Milane and Bill Beausay, my folks. You know what you mean to me. I love you both dearly.

To the countless people who have endured my seminars, allowed me to try out ideas and approaches, who witnessed me stumble and fall yet listened intently, I say thank you. Youve allowed me to learn so much. Youve made me think and create. My deepest prayer is that something in these pages will strike you as familiar, and you can know that you had a part in changing the world.

Introduction

You might think its a little audacious for me to suggest we parents can actually survive and enjoy our childrens teenage years. But its true. Ive proved it in my own family and seen it lived out in scores of others.

Personally, when I think about teenagers, I feel a fresh breeze in my heart. Why? With every piece of boyhood our sons put down, theyre picking up another exciting possibility for adulthood. Another surprise. Another beginning. And God made you and me, as their parents, to succeed in our roles in this amazing process. Yes, we can shape the man inside the boy!

My premise in this book is straightforward: Our teenage sons are remarkable young men, and what were watching unfold before us is nothing short of a miracletheir births as men. But its a miracle were meant to be part of. By using a lot of common sense and some powerful strategies I call provocative parenting, we can become influencers, encouragers, shapers, and inspirations. And have a lot more fun in the process.

The ideas youll encounter here are drawn from my experiences as a professional counselor, consultant to world-class athletes, personal development product designer, and parenting teacher. But the source that excites me the most is the teenagers themselves. Ive spent hours working and playing with, listening to andIll admitshaking my head at some of the best. Two of them, Jake and Zac, call me Dad.

When it comes to mastering the parenting of teenage boys, big ideas just dont substitute for raw experience. In fact, youll discover that my favorite problem-solving tool isnt all that sophisticated: Dive in! Anyone with teens in the house will find this book most helpful if they just attack this job with enthusiasm.

To that end, let me pray with you an extraordinary prayer I often share with parents of teens. Its by Brennan Manning:

May all your expectations be frustrated;

may all your plans be thwarted;

may all your desires be withered into nothingness

that you may experience the powerlessness

and poverty of a child;

and sing and dance in the poverty of God;

Who is the Father, Son, and Spirit. Amen.

I f you picked up this book, chances are youre a little disoriented. Suddenly your baby boy is pushing six feet, and when he answers the phone, he sounds like Rambo. Hes often quiet and withdrawn. Sometimes he seems angry or moody for no reason. He often misinterprets your intentions and acts like your input is a contagious disease. And youre supposed to parent this kid for several more years? What began as a quest to build an extraordinary man may seem today like its turned into the trail of tears!

Ive got good news: The teen years can be some of the best in all of life for both you and your son. In the huge majority of cases, a parent can expect to raise a great teenage son and really enjoy it!

Many of us have been told so often of the horror of teenhood that weve become convinced its true. I know. As Ive spoken with friends and acquaintances about this book project, their reactions have been nearly identical: Youre gonna write a book about teenage boys? Ha! Are you gonna include duct tape and handcuffs?

Unfortunately, what we believe about teenagers determines how we treat them. If we expect and wait for the worst, too often the worst happens. A change in thinking is overdue.

The early teenage years, especially those early adolescent years, are pivotal. Consider your own teen years for a moment. You established and perfected (for better or worse) a vast array of habits during that brief flicker of time. You decided which moral track to follow. You decided whether you would succeed or fail, be happy or sad, live life victoriously or tragically, and so on. Only now can you see in hindsight how those habits and actions shaped your life and how crucial some decisions were.

With these experiences beauty-marking (or pockmarking) our lives, occasional despair or fear for our teens is normal. Weve invested an enormous amount of love, time, and personal attention in them, and were extra concerned about their lives working out well.