Barron M. Helgoe Esq. - The Complete Idiots Guide to Raising Boys: From Diapers to Dating—a Stage-By-Stage Guide to Bringing Up Boys

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Table of Contents

To Bjorn and Joshua, for whom we are forever thankful

Contents at a Glance

Part 1: Boy Gets Personality 1

1 Its a Boy! 3 Welcoming your new son.

2 Growing at His Pace 13 Playing, crying, potty time, and time-outs.

3 Mommy, Mine Is Different! 27 From body exploration to why he cant marry Mommy.

4 My Gender, Myself 39 Developing gender identity and inner strength.

5 Confidently Me 51 Building on what comes naturally for him.

Part 2: Boy Gets Skills 63

6 Skill-Building at Home 65 From self-care, to chores, to valuing boredom.

7 Helping Him Be Cool with School 79 Preparing for and enjoying school.

8 When His Teacher Calls 91 Gifted programs, ADHD, and behavioral issues explored.

9 Sports R Boysor Not? 105 Valuing team play, going solo, and heading outdoors.

10 Skills Beyond Sports 121 Brain competitions, survival tests, and the art of conversation.

11 Boys and the Art of Teasing 135 The essential skills of teasing and taking a tease.

12 Boys in the Middle 145 Middle school boys and the joys of pack behavior.

Part 3: Boy Gets Hormones 155

13 Puberty in Perspective 157 Sexual maturation explained.

14 Finding His Identity 171 Trying it on: clothes, music, and identity.

15 Loving Him, Loving His Friends 187 Friends vs. pseudo-friends.

16 Girl and Gay Smarts 199 When the new friend is a girl, or not.

Part 4: Boy Gets a Life 215

17 Hes in High School! 217 Conquering the brave new world.

18 Beyond Rage and ESPN 231 Raising emotionally healthy and aware boys.

19 When Your Son Tastes Life 245 Safe limits for speedy drivers.

20 Teenage Boys and Family Identity 259 The continuing value of stability and ritual.

21 Launching Him 271 Strategies for a successful countdown.

Resources 285

Index 291

Introduction

This book is a continuation of the excitement and conversations that come before hearing Its a boy! The intense emotion that flows from the moment of birththe compelling sense of thankfulness that parentsfeel at the arrival of a newborn sonis the wellspring of good parenting. In that moment of gratitude, a new parent finds the source of energy to decide to parent well. To accept the responsibilities, fears, and daily to-do lists demands the best of men and women. Parents need not work for perfection but rather dedicate themselves to the purpose of raising a healthy, happy, educated boy in a home that offers safety, kindness, and unbounded love.

If you have accepted the challenge and seek the rewards of raising a son, we congratulate you. That you have chosen this book is a testamentto your willingness to learn about boys. And there is much to learn.

How This Book Is Organized

This guide is broken down into easily readable portions. You may wish to read the book all the way through one time, and then keep it on the shelf to consult as your boy grows. Even if your son is in diapers now, what you read about older boys will allow you to be a keen observer. Youll come to appreciate the various stages of a boys life and congratulateyourself on your ability to spot emerging behaviors in other boys around you.

Part 1, Boy Gets Personality, addresses newborn issues, from the wishes of new parents to a decision about circumcision. We discuss boys at play, behaviors at the potty, and discipline for very young boys. This part also looks at boys playing doctor and playing daddy. Finally, this section begins the explanation of gender identity, personality,and emotional and social interaction for boys.

Part 2, Boy Gets Skills, discusses self-care, chores, games, and the creative opportunities of unstructured time. We help you get your son ready for his big adventure in the land of no-parents: school. Material in this section will help prepare you for the time when school calls, whether the call is for the gifted program, an individual plan for a boy with ADHD, or a disciplinary conference with the principal. We discuss sports at length, from how to get coached to how to be a team player. We look at solo activities, too, and the great tradition of outdoor sports, such as hunting and fishing. Brain competitions, the arts, and survival training are reviewed along with the social and emotional skills that will guide your son through to the middle school years. We take an extensive look at teasing, both what is bad and what is very good about teasing. Finally, we celebrate the joys and challenges of raising boys who want nothing more than to run and tumble in a large pack during middle school.

Part 3, Boy Gets Hormones, is a guide to the sexual maturation of your son: puberty. We present a straightforward explanation of this long process, which involves body changes, sexuality, and his fears. We discuss the importance of image, the development of teen identity, and the reasons he strains under your authority. As his friends are very important to him, we help you understand his needs for companionship as well as safe and consistent boundaries. Girl smarts and gay smarts are explained, including how to have a real conversation about love, sex, and commitment.

Part 4, Boy Gets a Life, discusses the challenges of raising a boy in high school. We help you get your son ready for his new life of more demanding classes, intense emotions, and the license to venture out into the world. Youll be ready for his first love and, no doubt, first heartache. The continued importance of family and ritual will be detailed, as well. Finally, we help you launch your son into adulthood, whether it is choosing and paying for college or managing a slower transition for the boy who remains at home.

Extras

We have included four different types of sidebars to break out special thoughts on a wide variety of subjects:

Boy Wisdom

These quotes offer brief insights into raising boys.

Keep Out!

These sidebars warn parents with sons of traps and pitfalls.

Toolbox

These sidebars pass along practical informationthat makes parenting boys in a particular situation easier.

Toy Box

Enjoy the humor of these sidebarssomething a parent of a boy requires in large measure every day! Youll also find interesting tidbitsof information here.

Acknowledgments

Lauries acknowledgments:

To Bjorn: We called you the Sparkler because of the way your eyes and your personalitysparkle, always drawing people to you. I love your quiet intelligence, the value you place on friendship, your kindness,your light-up-the-world smile, and your strong sense of who you are.

To Josh: If Bjorn is the Sparkler, you are the Firecracker, waking us up out of drudgery and reminding us to lighten up, make room for fun, and celebrate the events of our lives. I love your exuberance, the care you provide our dog, Coco, your concern for the environment, and your self-directed passion to create.

You have both taught us that knowing and loving a boy is a tremendous privilege. Knowing and loving the two of you is as good as it gets.

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