Grant Ian - Growing Great Girls

Since the publication of Growing Great Boys many parents have asked when we would be writing a similar book on girls. To be perfectly honest, although we conduct hot tips seminars on the subject of raising girls, and regularly read books and papers on girls in order to keep up with current research, we have been slightly hesitant about the idea of a book on the subject. In addition to our two adult sons, and one very lovely adult daughter, we have six young grandsons who have been very much part of our lives for the last seven or eight years. We havent personally experienced close relationships with little girls in recent years.

At the same time, we were gradually convinced that there might be a place for a book of this genre on girls, and when our children last year presented us with the gift of three little granddaughters we started to become really motivated about the project. However, it is more than just our little granddaughters that has motivated us.

It seems that more than ever before our culture is becoming aggressive towards girls. Parents feel they are fighting a strong tide of commercial interests and media pressure. A cursory search of the internet will convince you that this is no illusion. It quickly becomes apparent that while those who work with pre-teens, such as teachers and mentors, consider tweenagers to be between 10 and 12 years of age, marketers who target this category of young people consider tweenagers to include seven-to 12-year-olds. The proliferation of pornography and the slut culture pervasive in clothing and music trends, along with an individualistic approach to much of life, all work against a girls healthy passage into adulthood.

We have spent many hours over the last few years hearing about tragic cases of rebellious girls whose lives have gone way off track. Not all of these situations could have been avoided, but the pain felt by their distressed parentswho by this time have usually been in need of specialist counsellingis palpable. One of our aims is to help parents by providing simple ideas and put in place practices, early in their daughters lives, that might lead to a reduction in these situations.

On the other hand, it is a pleasure to meet self-assured young women living life with verve and optimismyoung adults who, with the continued support of loving parents, are able to stretch their wings knowing they have been given strong roots and are well-equipped with the skills and self-knowledge to build a meaningful life. It has been an honour to watch our own daughter grow into a dignified, graceful adult, and a privilege to be parents to two daughters-in-law who possess great character and resourcefulness. All these women are confident and assured in their leadership and careers, and are great mothers.

We have written this book in the hope that in some way we will contribute to you having the best chance possible to enjoy your daughter, and the pleasure of one day launching a self-reliant, sure and loving young woman into the world. We want you to know why a girls unique nature needs strong attachments, and to learn practical ways to provide these. And we want you to know that you can give your daughter resilience by mentoring her in a way that will provide her with inner strength and outward grace.

Counsellors have told us that, judging by OECD standards, we have the equivalent of an epidemic of anorexia and bulimia among our young girls. The rate of abuse suffered by girls (the most recent studies say one in four girls is abused) and the pervasiveness of adolescent depression means we must fight for our girls and offer them the loving shelter and protection of our wisdom.

In contrast to these negative trends, this is also a time when there are more opportunities than ever before for girls to succeed. We need to provide for them a healthy and clear path through to adulthood, so they can take advantage of these opportunities. In rushing to treat boys and girls as equal could it be that we have neglected to honour something unique about girls, something that women have always recognisedthe special and different nature of girls?

This book is mainly concerned with ways to make life with your daughter more fun, ways to keep communication flowing, and ways to pass on your values to the next generation. It is sad to hear parents talk fearfully about the future, especially the teenage years, as if they are to be dreaded. We hope you can enjoy these years as some of the best of your lives, filed with memories that you can revisit for ever.

Finally, although this book has been a combined project, for the sake of simplicity we have used the first person singular. This means the text is written in Ians words, however, Marys editing skills, research and wide knowledge of the subject are woven into every paragraph.