Reith - 7 Secrets of Raising Girls Every Parent Must Know

7 SECRETS OF RAISING GIRLS EVERY PARENT MUST KNOW

Copyright Judy Reith, 2015

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced by any means, nor transmitted, nor translated into a machine language, without the written permission of the publishers.

Judy Reith has asserted her right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

Condition of Sale
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

Vie Books is an imprint of Summersdale Publishers Ltd

Summersdale Publishers Ltd
46 West Street
Chichester
West Sussex
PO19 1RP
UK

www.summersdale.com

Printed and bound in the Czech Republic

eISBN: 978-1-78372-559-5

Substantial discounts on bulk quantities of Summersdale books are available to corporations, professional associations and other organisations. For details contact Nicky Douglas by telephone: +44 (0) 1243 756902, fax: +44 (0) 1243 786300 or email: .

For my darling daughters:
Phoebe, Tilly and Rosie

FOREWORD

By Justine Roberts

CEO and Founder of Mumsnet and Gransnet

Just over 15 years ago, I went from having no daughters to having two in the space of a few short hours. Its fair to say that the learning curve was a steep one: the early days passed in a blur of feeding, fretting and tearing my hair out at two in the morning when one or both of them wouldnt sleep. What I didnt anticipate a decade and a half ago, however, was how little that curve would flatten out. I assumed oh, how naively that once we were past those first intensive months, things would slowly become simpler. In fact, the opposite turned out to be true. Were now deep into the teenage years, and where initially, my daughters were defined by their age group babies, toddlers, pre-schoolers these days, things are different. Theyre no longer children; theyre girls.

And raising girls brings with it a host of challenges from trying to explain why its harder to be professional footballer if youre a girl up to the point when youre forced to the unpalatable realisation that when it comes to keeping them safe, both online and off, the issues are wider-ranging and more acute. Body image, technology, self-esteem and the pressure to succeed: the fact is that, even in 2015, its different for girls.

All of which is why Judy Reiths book on raising daughters couldnt have come at a better time. Like Mumsnet, the website I founded for parents back in 2000, when my own daughters were just a year old, 7 Secrets of Raising Girls Every Parent Must Know is fired by the belief that when it comes to children, there are no definitive answers but that there are certain tips and tricks that could make all our lives easier, and that parents should share these wherever and whenever possible. Within its pages, shes unflinchingly honest about her personal doubts and difficulties when raising her three girls; shes quick to make clear that all of the advice she offers is given without judgment and that when it comes to children, the most useful thing any of us can do is leave our feelings of guilt at the door.

WELCOME

I have written 7 Secrets of Raising Girls Every Parent Must Know to bring YOU the best seven secrets gathered from 24 years of parenting three daughters and from running courses, individual coaching sessions and giving talks to hundreds of parents who have wanted to transform their parenting. I hope that sharing this combination of personal and professional experience will bring a lifetime of benefits to you and your daughter.

You may have decided to read this book for a variety of reasons. Perhaps because youve reached a point where youre struggling to deal with your relationship with your daughter or the media have alerted you to the potential pitfalls of raising a daughter. Maybe you are anxious about what lies in the years ahead after noticing what is happening in families around you with older daughters.

Whatever the case, its true to say that bringing up a daughter today can be considered a trickier task than that experienced by previous generations. In todays developed world, parents are under more pressure than ever to be A* parents producing perfect high-achieving A* daughters, who can shine in the modern world at work and at home.

Technology means we are all a click away from a global audience 24/7. This throws up issues that weve never had to face before, and all of this is coupled with huge pressures on our time. In addition to these guilt-inducing pressures, its easy to get bogged down by the daily anxieties and irritations of raising a daughter. Many parents tell me they end their day, glass of wine in hand, feeling they have got it all wrong, yet they cant work out how to change tomorrow even if they did have the energy to do so.

If we throw these elements into the pot with the extra ingredient of how our daughters are facing issues different to those we might have known, we have a potent brew of concerns and conundrums for parents and daughters.

The daughters interviewed for this book feel the pressure, too. They question if they are pretty, thin enough or the best at gymnastics. Our girls are exhausted from what it takes to live up to the expectations placed upon them by the media, school, friends and parents. They also put pressure on themselves. Without the backbone of a decent set of values to live by, those values found in action at home, the pressures win. Unhappiness and low self-esteem take over causing girls to resort to seeking comfort from harmful people and harmful substances, which could leave lifelong scars. Parents find this frightening, so 7 Secrets of Raising Girls Every Parent Must Know is here to help you find your way through these fears. Keep in mind with more equal and global opportunities on offer than in previous generations, it has also never been a better time to raise a daughter, with the more equal, global opportunities on offer to her.

Thank you Mum and Dad for a nice life; for looking after me and helping me always.

Lucy, aged seven

As a child, I couldnt wait to grow up and be a mum. The reality of parenthood was a shock. I remember being at home with two daughters under five and feeling unable to cope with their demands and arguments and my own sense of failure as a parent. I was often grumpy and prone to shouting and smacking, which was not at all the kind of parent I wanted to be. The thought of raising my daughters into adulthood was more of a burden than a joy. Something had to change. Its a long story, but talking to a mother who was getting help by attending a parenting course saved my sanity. I learnt new skills and an understanding of what parenting could be like without the shouting, smacking and sense of failure. It was like being forgiven and being offered the chance and the tools to start all over again. That huge relief to have some positive options that worked helped me to get rid of guilt and also spurred me on to train to teach parenting courses myself. Fifteen years later, I still find nothing more rewarding than helping parents gain confidence and ditch the guilt. I have learnt so much from the parents I have had the privilege to work with and from parenting my own daughters its time to share it.