Biddulph Shaaron - More Secrets of Happy Children
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- Book:More Secrets of Happy Children
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- Year:1998;2013
- City:Pymble;N.S.W
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Making tomorrows people
Softlove
Firmlove
Who will raise your children?
Parent pay
Raising boys
Raising daughters
Family liberation
HarperCollins Publishers
First published in Australia as a BayBooks Publication in 1994
This edition published in 2013
Angus & Robertson edition 1995
This HarperCollins edition 1998
by HarperCollins Publishers Pty Limited
ACN 009 913 517
A member of the HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty Limited Group
http://www.harpercollins.com.au
Copyright Steve and Shaaron Biddulph 1994, 1998
This book is copyright.
Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of private study, research, criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright Act, no part may be reproduced by any process without written permission. Inquiries should be addressed to the publishers.
HarperCollins Publishers
Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street, Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia
31 View Road, Glenfield, Auckland 10, New Zealand
77-85 Fulham Palace Road, London W6 8JB, United Kingdom
Hazelton Lanes, 55 Avenue Road, Suite 2900, Toronto, Ontario M5R 3L2
and 1995 Markham Road, Scarborough, Ontario M1B 5M8, Canada
10 East 53rd Street, New York NY 10032, USA
National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication data:
Biddulph, Steve.
More secrets of happy children.
Rev. ed.
ISBN 0 7322 5844 8 (pbk)
ISBN 978 1 4607 0020 4(epub)
1. Child rearing. 2. Parenting. 3. Parent and child.
4. Child psychology. 5. Child rearing Humor. I. Title.
649.1
Cover design: Miller Hare
Illustrations by Paul Stanish
Cover photo of Lucy Giarruputo by Petra Mackay
Philippa Sandall and Carolyn Walsh helped make this book happen first time around. Robin Freeman was an outstanding and goodhearted manager for the new edition, making it even better. Thanks also to Carolyn Leslie for patience; Lore Foye for design; Paul Stanish for realising our cartoon ideas; and Steve Miller for the superb new cover.
I am profoundly indebted to Shaaron Biddulph for her skill with children, and the balance she brings to my masculine way of writing. Shaaron conceived of the sections on childcare damage and our home is a no smacking zone. She refined the use of stand and think and dealing as applied to young children, and has taught these ideas to hundreds of parents. Our son and daughter learned with us. And, as with every family, hundreds of people helped.
Thanks to ITA magazine for permission to quote Kirsti Cockburn; Boxtree Limited for permission to quote from Are Mothers Really Necessary? by Bob Mullen; Rosie Lever for permission to quote from Such Sweet Sorrow ; Christopher Green for permission to quote from Toddler Taming ; Readers Digest magazine for permission to quote from Karl Zinmeisters article, Hard Truths about Day Care; the Australian Institute of Family Studies, especially Gay Ochiltree for her book, Children in Australian Families ; the Melbourne Age and Mary Burbridge for permission to use in full her article, My Daughter, My Forever Baby; the Melbourne Age for permission to use an excerpt from their editorial on parent pay; the Mercury , Hobart for permission to reproduce the Benjamin Spock quote and the material on working mothers; the library staff at the Institute for Early Childhood Development at Kew, Melbourne, for their help and research facilities.
Dear Reader,
Its fourteen years since I wrote my first book on parenting. My life has been greatly affected by peoples responses to The Secret of Happy Children over those years. Whenever Shaaron and I travel around the world, it is like meeting friends who already know us. The confidence that people put in us makes us both proud and anxious. What inspires us is the fact that people everywhere care SO much about their kids.
Parenthood is deep water. It can occasionally make you happier than anything else in your life, but you will also sometimes feel like your heart is being kicked around on the footpath! Dont let anyone tell you that it is simple.
Today there are dozens of parenting books on the shelves. These books have an odd effect on me they make me feel ill! So logical and cheerful! Full of breezy advice and long tidy lists of what to do. Four steps to confident kids! Who are they kidding? I prefer to live in the real world.
On the other hand, something has to be done since many parents are desperate for answers. So, where does this second book fit in? It is a deeper book than the first one. It is also more specific, since it is based on work with thousands more parents who have told us what works. The ideas of softlove and firmlove, which youll learn about in this book, are powerful tools that can turn family life around. They address the real aims of parenthood to produce young adults with warm hearts and lots of backbone.
There are also two big challenges for mothers and fathers embedded in this book:
to give up violence and fear-based methods of discipline
to really raise your own children, and not leave this job to others
Its clear that raising kids sends you on an inner journey of self discovery. This is certainly worthwhile. So no quick answers in this book. Instead, some powerful ideas to help you find your own right way.
Much love to your family from ours,
PS The wombats have grown up and left home!
Experts can be a hazard to your familys health.
Luckily, this is a non-expert book!
Please take it for what it is friendly suggestions, and support for your own good sense.
In your heart, YOU know whats right for you and your children.
Imagine this. You are sitting on the front porch. In front of you are gardens and a leafy street there is no sound but the singing of birds. You are old, but still tanned and fit, and wearing warm, soft clothes.
A sleek and almost silent vehicle rolls up. Its doors click open, and some young adults step out. They are your grown up children!
They give you big hugs. They are full of energy, and happy to see you. They sit down and tell you their latest adventures, new achievements, and news of their families. You bring out food and drinks, and talk over many things. Eventually, its time for them to leave.
You go inside and put on a warm sweater.
For a long time you sit by the window, remembering back to when they were children. You feel very proud of how they have turned out, of what you have given the world.
If you were to believe the media, youd think that kids are nothing but one big problem a behaviour problem, a childcare problem, a health problem.
This is a terrible con, because the truth is kids are a beautiful gift. Deep down we really know this, but sometimes we forget. The one in five couples who have fertility problems know what a gift children are. So do the parents whose children battle with illness or disability. When our children are endangered, we suddenly realise that they matter so much, and that other things matter so little.
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