Harrison Melissa - Mother to daughter: life lessons to pass on

Workman Publishing Company New York

This book was the combined effort of a number of remarkable women who shared stories of their mothers, daughters, and grandmothers. Special thanks go to Rosalie Mayo and the late Sweet Hopkins, who went above and beyond to help recruit women for this project. And the ladies in the Bee revealed the power of a group of women who love one another and stand by each other without even a hint of jealousy.

Thanks to: Gigi Berry, Angela Bibb, Judy Birkes, Trish Bittle, Steph Brinlee, LaShaw Christen, Dena Compton, Julianne Drost, Erika Everett, Carol Flores, Susan Hood, Ivy Hopkins, Kendal Hopkins, Sweet Hopkins, Robbie Johnson, Sharon Johnson, Theresa Kainer, Carole Kaney-Francis, Kathy King, Jean Klinger, Laurie Kohl, Cathy Krejci, Amy Krupka, Nancy McCord, Stephanie Methvin, Jeannette Miesse, Jordan Murphy, Susan Newberry, Eileen Oden, Lynn OShea, Claire Parker, Lisa Rees, Suzanne Scott, Christine Somers, Sara Sowan, Martha Stammer, Brooke Sullivan, Melissa Trycha, Tatum Tuthill.

It is a mystical relationship.

Gigi

There have been ten jillion books about how to repair the mother-daughter relationship.

Precious few about building it.

This is what Mother to Daughter is about.

A mothers relationship with her daughter starts before the beginning; in fact, it starts in the mothers own childhood. Because the childhood she has determines the childhood shell give her own daughter.

A mother teaches her daughter how to feel about herself, about handling pressure, about relishing lifes joys and conquering fears. She teaches her daughter about true beauty, how to dress up, when to turn on the charm, the importance of trusting God, and how to care for a daughter of her own someday. She teaches her daughter everything she knows about being an independent woman, then gets frustrated beyond belief when her daughter acts like one.

As one mom said, Raising a daughter is like growing a flower. You give it your best. If youve done your job well, she blooms. And after that, she leaves.

All moms instinctively know this. Maybe loving someone so much, someone who is so much a part of you, is what makes the mother-daughter relationship so special. Mothers know that love is forever. And thats a lesson their daughters cant wait to pass along.

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1. Be her mother. Not her best friend.
2. Let her live her own dreams. Dont try to make her live yours.
3. Be a strong, confident woman.
4. Be a good wife. Youre shaping her future relationships with men.
5. Be aware that your goal is not to be the center of her life forever, but to work yourself out of a job.

Get ready for the most intimate, explosive, loving relationship youll ever have. Except for the one you had with your mom.

Start now to be the kind of mother you always wanted to be. Dont wait until shes eighteen.

Accept the fact that she is Daddys little girl. She knows this in the cradle already.

Realize you may not be able to imagine leaving her and going back to work. Thats perfectly okay.

Realize its normal to check on her fifty times a night in the beginning.

Forget that you used to be cool and sexy. Nowadays, you wont leave the house without a stroller, a diaper bag, snacks, blankets, stuffed animals, and something to disinfect your hands.

Early on, raise her to be adventurous.

Remember, successfully changing a little girls diaper means:
1. Nothing hits you in the face.
2. Your clothes remain clean.
3. Your sense of smell still functions.

Keep in mind that all she wants to be doingfor the better part of her young lifeis what youre doing.

Know the names of her dolls and stuffed animals. Ask her to tell you stories about them.

Play tickle monster with her.

Making her laugh will be your primary occupation. Hard-nosed investment bankers have been known to make weird faces and crazy sounds in the most public places just to be rewarded with a smile.

Be prepared. Little girls emotions surprise even their mothers.

Start off her baking career by letting her decorate the holiday cookies with sugar and sprinkles. Shell love it. She might even hit a cookie or two.

Realize that as a mom your job is to decipher if shes crying because something is wrong or if she just wants attention. Men have never figured it out.

Help her memorize her full name and address. This is more important than the ABCs.

Agree to let her brush and style your hair. And Dads hair. This urge will pass in a couple of years.

Learn the songs she sings at school and sing them together.

Just accept that while you may have saved all your Barbie dolls for this very moment, she may play with them for... ten minutes.

Introduce her to the joys of a lawn sprinkler in the summertime. Little girls love to splash around.

Start saving for dance lessons. And piano. And gymnastics. And swimming. And cheerleading. And soccer. And basketball. And volleyball. For starters.

Remember, the traditions you establish now will be passed on to her daughter.

Dont feel guilty when you absolutely need a little space. Just get a sitter.

Make her tea parties special eventsinvite all the teddy bears in the house, eat the cookies she hands you, pour milk and put sugar in your cup, go the whole nine yards.

Have a skipping contest. This is especially handy when you need to get somewhere fast.

Never let her question that you love her unconditionally.

Display her drawings as carefully as you display your other artwork.

Resolve not to do anything for her that she can do for herself. This will serve the two of you well for years to come.

Read to her every nightclassics from your childhood, as well as her own favorites.

Watch how she talks to her dolls. Youll learn how youre talking to her.

Teach her to be a little kinder than necessary.

Enjoy the moment. Breathe. Show her that a mom can sit down on the floor and relax.

Check little brothers and pets regularly for glued-on sequins and stars, glitter, or lipstick.

Tell her she can be anything she wants. But then dont ask her why in the world she wants to be an actress or a doctor or soldier or housewife.

Put little love notes in her lunch box. Draw pictures if she cant read yet.

Watch what her babysitters wear around her. Older girls are her role models.

Cherish the days when she looks up and says, I love you.

Show her that even at the age of four an especially difficult day can be made better with a bubble bath.

Dont be afraid that an unhappy relationship with your mother means youll have the same kind of relationship with your daughter. If anything, you know what mistakes to avoid.

Put on some music, crank up the volume, and show her how to boogie.

Let her fall down. Let her pick herself back up again. Let her develop determination.

Realize that shell know when its time for the training wheels to come off. (This will be true pretty much her whole life.)

Dont think doing everything right will eliminate confrontations, tears, accusations, and emotional outbursts. In fact, these often mean you