Ian Grant - Fathers Who Dare Win: 30 Ways to Be an Awesome Dad

Sir John Graham, 2011

Our children are treasures and our most valuable resource. If this is true, and I believe it is, parenting is then the single most important responsibility for all who bring these treasures into our complex and challenging 21st century world.

It places an immense obligation on a woman and a man to ensure that an innocent, dependent baby in its initial years and then throughout those fascinating times of development through to adulthood, receives the total love, support, nurturing, guidance and commitment of those two people Mum and Dad they are called.

Ian Grants book Fathers Who Dare Win emphasises the part a father must play in the life of the child he has helped bring into the world. Ian fully understands the importance of the part Mum plays; this has always seemed to be better understood and emphasised than Dads role, hence the significance of this book.

I was sitting in the car outside Woolworths on Waiheke Island recently when I saw a family Dad, young son and younger daughter, coming out of the store Dad was holding his daughters hand as she skipped along through the car park and his son was in charge of a full trolley of produce. The look of joy and pride on the young boys face was a delight. Dad trusts me with this important task, Im in charge and it feels great. Dad had taken his two youngsters shopping and I guess he might have allowed both of them to choose something special to go in the trolley as well. I felt confident about that family.

During my years at Auckland Grammar I had a few quite different experiences with families. If a boy was sent to me for unacceptable behaviour it was after numerous attempts by staff to help him and the normal channels had been exhausted. I always insisted that parents should accompany the boy when this point was reached. Almost without exception the problem was clear as soon as the family walked in. When asked to sit down, the boy always sat next to his mother and the father often sat two chairs apart from the mother and son. The father usually dominated the conversation and blamed most of the problem on the boy for being difficult, often rude to his mother and lazy as well. The boy simply looked embarrassed and often a little surly. Mum tried to point out some positive aspects of her sons character.

I always then asked the boy to wait outside and tried a bit of counselling. I pointed out that the problem was not the boy but the relationship between father and son and possibly mother and father. Look where you are sitting three chairs apart! Not one of the three of us found this easy and occasionally the father felt I had no right to question his family relationships. I was able to say to the pair that if their son was to remain at school, we the school and they the parents, needed to work together. You sir, need to be a dad to your son. Attend his sports team on Saturdays, take him fishing, go out together for breakfast. Love him, sir. Hes aching for your approval, support and involvement. Hug his mother so that he can see the two of you are a real family. And so on. Often it worked. It was always essential the father came to these meetings. It was usually the case that he had been too busy with his work, spent little time with his family and simply did not realise he needed to be there for all of them.

All children, and boys in particular, need to admire their dad for his strength of character, his consistent love, for his dependability, for his generosity and for always being there. He is the coach and leader of the team. In these times of societal fragility, families with Mum and Dad in harmony, providing love, safety and fun, are essential for creating a strong and unified nation.

Ian Grants book is a positive, informative and encouraging read on the importance of fathers in these challenging times and a source of help for those who seek it.

The bottom line is, if a couple bring a child into our world they have a total obligation to ensure that child is never neglected but grows up in a loving and positive environment.

This book points the way for dads to become great parents and ensures their sons and daughters will become great parents also when it is their time to raise a family.

John Graham KNZM, CBE

27 October 2011

All Black Captain, Headmaster Auckland Grammar, Chancellor Auckland University and Chairman of Parents Inc