Jay Payleitner - 52 Things Sons Need from Their Dads. What Fathers Can Do to Build a Lasting Relationship

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

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Cover by Left Coast Design, Portland, Oregon

Cover photo auremar / Shutterstock

Jay Payleitner is represented by MacGregor Literary Inc. of Hillsboro, Oregon.

52 THINGS SONS NEED FROM THEIR DADS

Copyright 2014 by Jay Payleitner

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97402

www.harvesthousepublishers.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Payleitner, Jay K.

52 things sons need from their dads / Jay Payleitner.

pages cm

ISBN 978-0-7369-5780-9 (pbk.)

ISBN 978-0-7369-5781-6 (eBook)

1. Fathers and sonsReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title. II. Title: Fifty-two things sons need from their dads.

BV4529.17.P395 2014

248.8'421dc23

2013030808

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To the finest four men I know.

Alec Jay, Randall Jay, Maximilian Jay, and Isaac Jay.

First, of course, to our heavenly Father. Above all.

Then, I must credit most of the dads I know for doing an extraordinary job. This world desperately needs the next generation of men to wield great character, wisdom, and integrity. Thanks to any man committed to getting his son ready for battle.

A few courageous friends even helped shape the content of this book. Thanks to Jerry Jenkins, who issued a challenging foreword. Plus Dan Balow, Dave George, Dick Graff, Jim Nicodem, Dennis OMalley, Tim Hollinger, Terry Schweizer, Glen West, and Ron Preston.

Other dads of sons who contributed more indirectly are Mitch Belon, Josh McDowell, Jack Hibbard, Jack Goldthwaite, Tim Shoemaker, Phred Hollister, T.D. Decker, Joe Priola, Gary LaGesse, Dan Stellato, Warren Beeh, Larry Stratton, Tim Sjostrom, Steve Clausen, Andy Doyle, and Eric Rojas. Thanks also to the leadership teams at Iron Sharpens Iron, Man in the Mirror, and the National Coalition of Ministries to Men.

Rooting specifically for this project were Carey Casey and Brock Griffin at the National Center for Fathering, as well as Terry Glaspey, Paul Gossard, Bob Hawkins Jr., and the entire gifted team at Harvest House Publishers.

Im very grateful to the pastors and event planners who have invited me to encourage, laugh with, and challenge diverse throngs of dads and husbands. Its always fun and always rewarding.

Love and thanks to my bride, Rita. Life with you gets impossibly better every year. I am inspired and humbled just thinking of my daughter, Rae Anne, and my daughters-in-law, Rachel, Lindsay, Megan, and Kaitlin.

To my first grandchild, Jackson David Payleitner. Wow.

And, finally to my four sonsAlec, Randall, Max, and Isaacwho every day prove that fatherhood is a blessing beyond anything I could imagine or deserve.

Contents

A Son Needs His Dad

One of the oldest clichs is that kids dont come with instruction manuals. So what do we parents do? We go looking for one.

If only we could find some Dr. Spock or Dr. Dobson or Dr. Phil with a short list of keys, rules, handy shortcuts. Just give me the steps I need to follow to raise a son

Has my friend Jay Payleitner done that? Has he distilled parenting sons into 52 bullet points?

You might be wincing, wishing the list were shorter stillYet if youre telling me that if I can accomplish these

Meanwhile, Jay and I are chuckling. Weve been there. We know the truth. Hes raised four. Ive raised three. And the fact is, there is no blueprint. There are no shortcuts. We hope youve picked up this book because youre eager for all the help you can get.

And while there is no magic formula, you have come to the right place for come-alongside expert help from someone who learned early the all-in, 24/7 (if I may employ the second-oldest clich) nature of the parenting task.

For years dads have scoured the landscape for easier ways to manage this assignment. The old quality time vs. quantity time gambit sounded attractive. It went like this: if you dont have a lot of time to spend with your boys, make sure the time you do spend with them iswait for it (add a drumroll if you can) quality time.

In other words, dont just sit around playing games or watching TV. Discusswhat, lets seethe meaning of the cosmos?

If Ive learned anything from my three sons its that they hear what you say, but they believe what you do. You tell them they are your top priority. You prove that with love. And love is spelled T-I-M-E. Quantities of time.

I agreed on a policy with my wife even before our first came along, and that was that I would do no work from the office and no writing from the time I got home from work until the time the kids went to bed. That gave me several hours a day devoted to them alone.

This was not necessarily structured time. We could talk. We could sit. We could play. They could climb me. Ignore me. Whatever they wanted. Putting them to bed every night, teaching them Bible verses, singing with them, praying with them, and hearing each of them put their faith in Christ are treasures I would trade for nothing on earth.

As my sons grew up they naturally grew more independent, and we didnt always agree on everything. But they did not rebel, and they were never disrespectful. Neither did they ever doubt my motives. My devotion to them convinced them of my love, and they are my best friends to this day.

Something else to be aware of: parenting never ends. Our eldest two, who are married and have kids, have both recently added more children via adoption. I could not be more proud. Our youngest, who had a brush with death before our eyes after a routine operation (hes back to full health), reminded us that regardless of their age, your kids are always your children.

Sosorry, its not easy, and it never ends. But nothing else you ever do will be as rewarding.

Youll discover rich benefits in Jays 52 suggestions, and I pray that before you reach the end, you will begin adding at least 52 more of your own.

Jerry Jenkins

Jerry B. Jenkins is a novelist and biographer whose more than 180 books have sold over 70 million copies.

When you look at him, you see yourself. But in raw form.

When he looks at youif hes around kindergarten agehe sees a hero.