Jay Payleitner - 52 Things Kids Need from a Dad. What Fathers Can Do to Make a Lifelong Difference

The stories will inspire you. The lessons will change you. Jay Payleitner shows twenty-first-century fatherhood for what it is and for what it needs to be.

Dr. Dennis E. Hensley, professor and author of more than 50 books,
including Man to Man and The Power of Positive Productivity

I have been a wife for 37 years, a mom for 31, and a daughter for...well, lets just say even longer. With those credentials, I highly recommend this book to all dads. It is a good read and, more importantly, a great guide for any man desiring to meet the needs of the children God has entrusted to his care.

Kendra Smiley, radio host, conference speaker,
and author of Be the Parent and High-Wire Mom

Jay Payleitner has given fathers a gift a wise, delightful, practical, and profound book. If youre a father, you will thank him, and if youre not, youll read this book with joy and give it to a father who will rise up and call you blessed.

Steve Brown, seminary professor,
author of Welcome to the Family and other books,
and the voice of Key Life Network

Moms of all ages, grab this book for your husbands! Its inspiring, encouraging, and easy to read.

Ellen Banks Elwell, author of The Christian Moms Idea Book
and When Theres Not Enough of Me to Go Around

52 Things Kids Need from a Dad reminds all of us of the humbling privilege and exhilarating joy of fatherhood. You wont find any lectures or guilt trips here. Instead, its more like 52 inspiring halftime talks. As your personal fathering coach, Jay will provoke you to think deep, laugh hard, and love more, leaving you with 52 unexpected fathering insights.

Carey Casey, CEO of The National Center for Fathering,
speaker, radio host, and author of Championship Fathering

This is great stuff, worth any dads time. If you cant benefit from this, youre not listening. Ignore it only if you dont want to be a better dad. The first three copies are going to my grown sons.

Jerry B. Jenkins, coauthor of the megaselling L EFT B EHIND series
and author of over 150 other published works

Jays chapter Kids Need Their Dad to Stop and Catch the Fireflies is worth the price of the book. As my friend Philip the Firefly might say, Payleitner hits pay-dirt on lighting up a dads heart!

Dr. Emmett Cooper, author of The HoneyWord Bible for kids of all ages;
founder and president of HoneyWord Foundation

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

Verses marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.

Verses marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Cover by e210 Design, Eagan, MN

Cover photo Fancy Photography / Veer

Jay Payleitner is represented by MacGregor Literary.

52 THINGS KIDS NEED FROM A DAD

Copyright 2010 by Jay K. Payleitner

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97402

www.harvesthousepublishers.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Payleitner, Jay K.

52 things kids need from a dad / Jay K. Payleitner.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-0-7369-2723-9 (pbk.)

1. Father and childReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title. II. Title: Fifty-two things kids need from a dad.

BV4529.17.P39 2010

248.8421dc22

2009031514

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 / ##-SK / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To my bride, Rita,

who makes me a better dad.

And to all wives

who do the same

for their husbands.

O ne of the great benefits of being in ministry more than 40 years is that you get to see whether or not all the things youve been speaking and writing about stand the test of time. Certainly the cultural climate has changed drastically, but Im pleased to confirm (and not at all surprised) that truth is still truth, Jesus is still more than a carpenter, and young people still need unconditional love and strong role models.

In 1991, I co-authored the book How to Be a Hero to Your Kids, which helped give a biblically based, positive parenting plan to a generation of fathers. One of those young dads was Jay Payleitner, who was the producer for Josh McDowell Radio for more than 13 years. During our marathon recording sessions, we covered a wide range of critical topics, including apologetics, teen abstinence, and international outreach, but some of our most impassioned broadcasts focused on the responsibility fathers have to make building a relationship with their children a top priority.

A story I told more than once on radio reveals the single greatest secret to being an awesome father. I cannot take any credit for it, except for the fact that I was smart enough to listen, smart enough not to let my ego get in the way, and smart enough to allow myself to be broken before God.

To put it in context, Dottie and I were living in San Bernardino, California. Kelly was four and Sean was two, so it was quite a few years ago. Katie and Heather were not even born yet. I recall that I was in my study on a Thursday afternoon at about 3:30. I was on a roll, writing a chapter of a book to meet a deadline, when in wandered Sean.

Want to play, Daddy, he chirped.

As an experienced parent, I should have realized that basically Sean just wanted a hug, a pat, and a minute or two to show me the new ball he was carrying. But I was working on something important and felt I just didnt have even two minutes right then.

Son, I said, how about a little later? Im right in the middle of a chapter.

Sean didnt know what a chapter was, but he got the message. Daddy was busy and hed have to leave now. He trotted off without complaining and I returned to my manuscript. My relief was short-lived. In a minute or two, Dottie came in and sat down for a little chat. My wife never tries to nail me; she has much gentlerand more effectivemethods.

Honey, Sean just told me you were too busy to play with him. I know that this book is important, but Id like to point something out.

What is that? I asked a bit impatiently, because now my wife was keeping me from my all-important project.

Honey, youre always busy. Youre a five-ring circus. You will always have a deadline to meet, a chapter to finish, a talk to prepare, and a trip somewhere to give it. But honey, you wont always have a two-year-old son who wants to sit in his daddys lap and show you his new ball. Having made her point she started to walk out, but stopped, turned, and left me with words that cut into my heart and have stayed with me ever since. You know, if you spend time with your kids now, theyll spend time with you later.

Not immediately, but about three minutes later I found myself on the carpet next to the desk. I made a pledge before God that I try to keep to this day. Until that moment, I had often made the shortsighted vow, I will always put my family before my ministry. But that wasnt right. That wasnt Gods plan for fathers. On my knees I said, God, I never, ever again will put my family before my ministry. In that moment of brokenness, God made it very clear that Kelly, Sean, Katie, Heather, and Dottie do not come