Janet Fraser-Smith - Love Across Latitudes: A Workbook on Cross-cultural Marriage

TEXT, STORIESAND QUESTIONS FOR CONSIDERATION

for those whochoose a life partner coming

from a cultureor social grouping other than their own.

Designed tohelp you describe yourself,

and to broadenyour understanding

about howindividuals from differing backgrounds approach life,

this book willassist in answering the questions,

Is this personright for me?

in theknowledge of a wise choice in the will of God and, laterperhaps,

How can weenrich our marriage?

Dedicatedto

my husbandKeith,

Caroline,Andrew and Katie.

Published byGilead Books Publishing at Smashwords

Copyright Janet Fraser-Smith 6th Edition 2015

All rightsreserved.

No part of thispublication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system ortransmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permissionof the publisher.

SmashwordsEdition, License Notes

This ebook islicensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not bere-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to sharethis book with another person, please purchase an additional copyfor each recipient. If youre reading this book and did notpurchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then pleasereturn to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you forrespecting the hard work of this author.

Scripture takenfrom the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by ThomasNelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Quotesreprinted from Pastoral Counselling Across The Ciltures by David W.Augsberger 1986 by David W. Augsberger are reprinted by permissionof Westminster/John Knox Press

LOVING ACROSSLATITUDES

CONCLUSION

PART ONE:GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER

WHY THEATTRACTION?

I LOVE YOU

THELIFE-LINE

CORE OFCENTRAL BELIEFS

CONCLUSION

STORIES FORDISCUSSION

QUESTIONS FORCONSIDERATION

WHAT IS AFAMILY?

THE EFFECT OFFAMILY BACKGROUND

ASSUMPTIONSABOUT AND IDEALS OF MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

RELATIONSHIPSWITH IN-LAWS AND RELATIVES

CONCLUSION

STORY FORDISCUSSION

QUESTIONS FORCONSIDERATION

INITIALREFLECTIONS

WHAT ISCULTURE ANYWAY?

EAST/WESTMARRIAGES

CONCLUSION

STORIES FORDISCUSSION

QUESTIONS FORCONSIDERATION

THE EFFECT OFHISTORY ON CULTURE

EXPLORING EACHOTHER'S CULTURE: Five key areas to consider

CONCLUSION

STORIES FORDISCUSSION

QUESTIONS FORCONSIDERATION

PART TWO:GROWING TOGETHER

THE INNER AREA- the third culture zone

MAKINGEFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION EASIER

SOME EFFECTSOF A DEVELOPING SENSITIVITY TO BOTH CULTURES

CONCLUSION

STORIES FORDISCUSSION

QUESTIONS FORCONSIDERATION

CONVERSATIONALSKILLS

LISTENING -THE FLIP SIDE OF TALKING

CONCLUSION

STORIES FORDISCUSSION

QUESTIONS FORCONSIDERATION

SUCCESS INMARRIAGE

THE CHOICE OFA PARTNER

A STABILISINGCHOICE

GENERALCONSIDERATIONS FOR MOST CULTURAL DECISIONS

LEGALMATTERS

CONCLUSION

STORIES FORDISCUSSION

QUESTIONS FORCONSIDERATION

CHOICES THATREQUIRE CULTURAL INPUT

THE CHOICE OFLANGUAGE

CONCLUDINGCOMMENTS

QUESTIONS FORCONSIDERATION

THE DECISIONOF WHERE TO LIVE

CONCLUDINGCOMMENTS

QUESTIONS FORCONSIDERATION

THE CHOICE OFACCOMMODATION AND LIFE STYLE

CONCLUDINGCOMMENTS

QUESTIONS FORCONSIDERATION

CHOICESRELATED TO CHILDREN

CONCLUDINGCOMMENTS

QUESTIONS FORCONSIDERATION

CHOICESRELATED TO FINANCIAL ASPECTS

CONCLUDINGCOMMENTS

QUESTIONS FORCONSIDERATION

INITIALCONSIDERATIONS

SOURCES OFCONFLICT

PERIODS OFEXTRA STRAIN ON THE FAMILY

CONCLUSION

STORY FORDISCUSSION

QUESTIONS FORCONSIDERATION

HELPING EACHOTHER -TOGETHER WE CAN

HELPINGONESELF - IT'S UP TO ME

OUTSIDE HELPFOR CONFLICTS OUT OF CONTROL

CHRISTIANPERSPECTIVES ON INTER-CULTURAL CONFLICTS

CONCLUSION

STORIES FORDISCUSSION

QUESTIONS FORCONSIDERATION

PART THREE:CHRISTIAN CONSIDERATIONS

HISTORICALREFLECTIONS

QUESTIONS OFGUIDANCE

THE MISSIONLIFESTYLE

MISSIONRELATIONSHIPS

IMPLICATIONSFOR MISSION ORGANISATIONS

LONG TERMVISION FOR THE MINISTRY OF INTER-CULTURAL COUPLES

CONCLUSION

STORIES FORDISCUSSION

QUESTIONS FORCONSIDERATION

THE PLUS OFCONSPICUOUS DIFFERENCES

THE PLUSFACTOR OF COMMON CONCERNS

THE PLUS OFSCRIPTURAL INSIGHTS

CONCLUSION

Why draw attention to thecross-culturalness of a marriage? If two people are in love, andare absolutely convinced that God is leading them together, nothingshould stand in their way. What is different about these marriagesanyway?

There are manymarriage books on the market and many personality tests availableto indicate whether success is likely in marriage: surely these areenough! Because it is not the easiest of paths, however, the choiceto marry cross-culturally must be a conscious one. The questionsaddressed to each other of Who am I? and Who are you? will requireanswers of a different and deeper nature, and the couple will needto explore behind the wealth of experience not shared by the otherone.

Much of thethinking for this book has developed with the help of a surveyconducted in 1991 among several missions under the auspices of theEvangelical Alliance for the EUROCOMET 92 conference held inHolland. The situations illustrating the text have been collectedover several years and are drawn from the questionnaire results,and from conversations, radio interviews, and books. Though theyare essentially true, names, situations and locations have beenchanged to preserve confidentiality. Though more anecdotal thanfully researched, the illustrations should raise importantquestions in our minds.

My prayer isthat this workbook will encourage an awareness of the potentialrichness of a cross-cultural marriage, of the challenges oflistening, understanding and loving and of the immensity of thedecision in choosing such a relationship. Such marriages arepictures of the Incarnation! I hope that it will be useful to thosecontemplating a cross-cultural marriage, to couples already marriedand to those who are involved in counselling such couples, whetheralone or in groups.

JanetFraser-Smith, July 1993

It has been agreat encouragement to me that this workbook has been used duringthe last 20 years by several thousand cross-cultural couples aroundthe world. They have used it at various stages in theirrelationship, during courtship and as a source of enrichment muchlater in their marriages. Without the faithful distribution of thebook by my colleagues in AWM UK until 2013 such blessing would nothave been possible. IEC Books, Helsinki made a valuablecontribution to this reprint. I am deeply indebted to Gilead Booksfor seeing this reprint through to its publishing. I trust that themarriages of many more couples will be well established through theuse of this book.

JanetFraser-Smith, March 2015

Any commentsthe readers/users would like to make will be very gratefullyreceived by Janet Fraser-Smith. Please email:Loveacrosslatitudes@gmail.com

(by way of anexplanation of why this is being written)

When I was tenyears old, my family emigrated from England to Canada. I finishedmy primary and secondary education and primary school teachingtraining in Canada and later took a BS in General Biology in theUnited States. I then worked for two years as a secondary schoolscience teacher in Canada to pay back my student loans.