Michele Gendelman - What the Other Mothers Know: A Practical Guide to Child Rearing Told in a Really Nice, Funny Way That Wont Make You Feel Like a Complete Idiot the Way All Those Other Parenting Books Do

T he inspiration for this book came not from motherhood but from hamburgers.

A couple of years ago, Ilenes daughter was in a community theater musical production, and the proud mom invited her friend Donna to attend a performance. That night, Los Angeles traffic was the nightmare it usually is, and the only kind of bite they could grab before curtain time was of the fast variety. So they stopped at a nearby In-N-Out Burger, a California chain famed for its extra-meaty patties and old-fashioned chocolate shakes.

As they sat at a plastic table cramming Double-Doubles into their mouths, Donna told Ilene about something that had recently happened at her local In-N-Out Burger. And it was an experience guaranteed to strike fear into any mothers heart

The week before, her daughters third-grade teacher had called to ask if she would bring twenty-six hamburgers and twenty-six bags of fries to school the next day for their end-of-year party. And not from any old McGreasys, either. No, these had to be from In-N-Out Burger, whose relatively healthy food preparation had earned this particular teachers seal of approval. Donna knew that the treats a mom brings to the class can either boost her kids playground cred or turn her into a social outcast, so she took the assignment seriously. So seriously, in fact, that she took the next day off to ensure punctual delivery of this very special meal.

That morning, Donna decided shed use some of her free time to work out at the gym. But first shed swing by her local In-N-Out when they opened at ten oclock and put her order in early. Humming happily, she approached the paper-hatted youth behind the counter. Hi.

Im going to need twenty-six hamburgers and twenty-six orders of fries for

Young Paper Hat gave her an apologetic look. Uh, sorry, maam, but were, like, understaffed today and we have a lot of, yknow, like, big orders to fill. (People in Southern California use the word like, like, a lot. Yknow?)

Donna smiled. Oh, thats okay. I dont need to pick them up now, I need them at noon.

I understand, maam. But its the last day of school and there are lots of, yknow, like, last-day-of-school parties, yknow? We wont be able to fill a noon order.

Donna turned pale and her heart dropped somewhere around the laces on her Nikes. No, no, you dont understand. I have to have these burgers. I have to! On the verge of hysteria, she asked to speak with the manager.

(As Donna told this tale, Ilene broke out into a sweat. It was either the suspense, or the onions on her Double-Double.)

After half an hour of Donnas sobbing, cajoling, and outright begging, the In-N-Out manager finally realized that the only way he would get rid of her was to take the order. She practically collapsed against the counter with relief, and swore her undying gratitude.

When Donna returned at noon, she saw the manager handing out big boxes of burgers and fries to several women she recognized from school. They all looked so serene, like Buddhas with mascara and lip gloss. She stopped a mother she knew and asked what shed done to rate such special treatment. (This was, Donna added, one of those know-it-all ber Moms, the sort who at seven in the morning is in the perfectand cleanJuicy French-terry sweat suit, with her hair blown out, wearing earrings.)

The other mom gave her a condescending smile and said, What special treatment? You just place your order the day before, and they have it all ready for you.

Ordinarily, Donna wouldve appreciated the irony of ordering fast food a whole twenty-four hours in advance, but she was too stunned by the mere concept of it. Never, ever would she have guessed that such things were possible.

I mean, who would know that?

Ilene sighed and squirted another dollop of ketchup onto her fries. The other mothers know that. The other mothers always know those things.

Donna looked up from her chocolate shake in mid-slurp. What the other mothers knowThats a book.

Youre right, said Ilene. We have a book! Cool! What do we do first?

Donna thought for a moment. I think we find someone to write it with us.

A mutual friend told Donna and Ilene about a writer she knew whose daughter had attended the same school as Donnas and knew those other mothers only too well. They met with Michele at their local Starbucks to discuss the project (it was still a little too early in the day for burgers), and she agreed that this was a book whose time had come. A couple of decaf Toffee Nut Frappuccinos later, the three women knew they were ready to write the mother of all mothering books.

The Other Mothers know all sorts of things. They know that enrollment for preschool begins the moment the EPT strip changes color. They know that bringing the coach Krispy Kremes will get their seven-year-old spaz his big shot at playing infield. And they know that principals cant tell the difference between the white polo shirts the school sells for $30 and the kind Target sells for five bucks.

Whats their secret? Simple: they didnt become Other Mothers until after theyd been mentored by other Other Motherswomen with older kids, women whod been up one child-rearing road and down another and still had the energy left to talk about it.

Of course, the concept of learning from Other Mothers is hardly a new one; consider the primitive societies of New Guinea, where the only people who know which animals and plants are safe to eat are the older women. But where do you get good information like that without being completely embarrassed? Lucky you: instead of having to consult a toothless hag in a smelly hut, all you had to do was walk into a store and buy this book.

But dont wait until you have children to start your Other Mothers network. Once you are, in the immortal words of Ricky Ricardo, spectin, and youve found a good obstetrician, the second most-important item on your to-do list is not Listen 2 Classical CDs 2 Make Fetus Brilliant but Make Friends w/ Women Who Have Young Kids.

If you dont have any friends or relatives with children, then seek them out at your office. In the grocery store. Stalk them in the park, if you must.

Ask for advice, recommendations on preschools, and old maternity clothes.

This network is called the Other Mothers Starter Kit.

Weve benefited from it and now weve written this book to share and celebrate the wisdom of the Other Mothers who have helped us and our friends as weve raised our children from tots to teensespecially their advice on things we had absolutely no idea we were supposed to know how to do. We dont pretend to be professionals, like Dr. Spock or Dr. Phil; were just three Dr. Moms, hands-on working parents who have to budget our time and our money. Online research and parenting magazines are fine, but there are some things you can only learn from the Other Mothers.

And, after all, why reinvent the wheel when you could be off doingoh, wait, you have no free time, youre a mother.

With four children of varying ages between us, weve jumped through just about every fiery hoop in the wonderful circus called Motherhood, and none of us could have done it without the Other Mothers. They were our safety net as we inched our way across the tightrope of the Toddler Years.