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Gayle Haggard - Why I Stayed: The Choices I Made In My Darkest Hour

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On November 2, 2006, Gayle Haggards life changed forever. That was the day that her husband, Ted Haggard, founder of the 14,000-member New Life Church in Colorado Springs and the President of the NAE, confessed to her the truth. In Why I Stayed, Gayle walks us through the choices she made in her darkest hours. On the day and in the months ahead, everything in her life was at stakewhat she believed, the husband she thought she knew, and the church community she had worked tirelessly to establish with her husband and friends in the basement of their home more than two decades ago. Out of this crucible in her life, Gayle has discovered a newfound passion for the central message of the Biblethe liberating message of forgiveness and love. Why I Stayed is a must-read. It paints a picture of what less-than-perfect people, across this nation and all over the world, desperately needa community of family and faith that offers healing love and a path to restoration.

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This book is not a defense for anything or anybody but a poignant testimony to - photo 1
This book is not a defense for anything or anybody but a poignant testimony to - photo 2

This book is not a defense for anything or anybody, but a poignant testimony to pain and perplexity being finally swallowed by love, forgiveness, fidelity, hope, and an increase of intimacy and family solidarity. The supreme impression left is of the unbounded goodness of God.

J. I. PACKER

Youll be hard-pressed to find a more vulnerable account of a marriage thats faced a dark night of the soul than this one. Gayle Haggards courageous risk of love reveals a healing path that few would have ever predicted. Her authenticity is disarming. Her faith is inspiring. And her story will take you deeper into Gods healing grace. You wont be able to put this book down.

DRS. LES & LESLIE PARROTT

Founders of RealRelationships.com

Authors of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts

Excerpts from letters the Haggards received after granting a series of interviews about the HBO documentary The Trials of Ted Haggard .

Words cannot express how much you all have touched my heart this evening [seeing you on Larry King Live ]. My husband (of only five years) and I are separated due to far less severe circumstances. I am calling him as I write this.

CHERYL

Your choice to allow the journey to redemption to be public has helped more souls than youll ever know.

KELLY

God has blessed you with a love that I cannot grasp. Do you have a book that can explain how you got to this level of love? I just do not understand.

GLORIA

To see a woman stick with her man after so much misery is truly a modern-day miracle.

ANONYMOUS

Ted, even now I thank God for your wife, who has stuck by you when she had a biblical reason to leave you.

JASON

Your story, however sad it was (and still is), brings a powerful message. Its a message of hope, love, compassion, and support. Exactly what religion should be.

VINCENT

Ted, you have no idea how profoundly your wifes attitude toward you has touched me.

EMMANUEL

Gayle, you are an amazing woman, and my wife and I hurt for you because of what happened; but we have also found hope through your belief and action.

ANONYMOUS

Visit Tyndales exciting Web site at www.tyndale.com.

TYNDALE and Tyndales quill logo are registered trademarks of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Why I Stayed: The Choices I Made in My Darkest Hour

Copyright 2010 by Gayle Haggard. All rights reserved.

Front cover photo of Ted and Gayle Haggard copyright by Reuters/Phil McCarten. All rights reserved.

Front cover and author photo of Gayle Haggard by Stephen Vosloo, copyright 2009 by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved.

Inside flap photograph taken by Nora Feller.

Author photo of Angela Hunt by Jeff Callenberg, copyright by Angela Hunt. All rights reserved.

Designed by Jessie McGrath

Edited by Dave Lindstedt and Susan Taylor

Back cover quote from ABC News: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=2626067&page=1.

Back cover quote from Rocky Mountain News : http://www.rockymountainnews.com/drmn/local/article/0,1299,DRMN_15_5112770,00.html.

Back cover quote from MSNBC: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15536263/.

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible , New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. TM Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked ESV are from The Holy Bible , English Standard Version, copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Haggard, Gayle.

Why I stayed : the choices I made in my darkest hour / Gayle Haggard with Angela Hunt.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references (p. ).

ISBN 978-1-4143-3585-8 (hc)

1. Sexual misconduct by clergy. 2. Haggard, Gayle. 3. Haggard, Ted. I. Hunt, Angela Elwell, date. II. Title.

BV4392.5.H35 2010

261.8'35766092dc22

[B]2009042431

Build: 2015-07-02 10:16:14

Most important of all,

continue to show deep love for each other,

for love covers a multitude of sins.

1 PETER 4:8

For Ted...

and the rest of us as well.

Authors Note

Why I Stayed is my story. In these pages, I share my observations of the events leading up to the fateful day when my world came crashing down and of the choices I made, along with my husband and many others, in the three years that followed.

In recounting this story, I have searched my heart, my memory, my journal, and my records. Conversations are told from my perspective and are recorded as clearly as I can remember them. Ive done my best to present events accurately, but others may recall things differently.

Of course, much of what follows has already been made public. But because I want readers to think about the ideas I am presenting rather than about individual personalities, I have avoided using names where doing so might cause someone hurt or embarrassment. My hope is that through this story of my darkest hour, we all can achieve grace.

Gayle Haggard

Special Thanks

... to the men and women at Tyndale House Publishers who believed that my story needed to be told.

... to Angela Hunt, whose keen insight, biblical understanding, and courageous heart compelled her to come alongside and help me put my story on the page.

... and to our dear friends who chose to stand by us and lighten our load when they could have heaped more burdens on us as we walked through our greatest heartache, shame, and despair.

To all these friends, I am forever grateful.

From my journal entry for Wednesday, November 1, 2006:

Today we found out that a man in Denver is accusing Ted of sin...

From my journal entry for Thursday, November 2, 2006:

Today our world changed. Ted confessed the truth to me...

Whom have I in heaven but you?

I desire you more than anything on earth.

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,

but God remains the strength of my heart;

he is mine forever.

PSALM 73:25-26

1

Thirty years ago, Ted Haggard stepped into my life because he lost an argument.

We were attending Oral Roberts UniversityTed was a senior; I was a juniorand along with several other students, we had been chosen as spiritual-life directors in the dorms. As custom dictated, each womens dorm had been paired with a corresponding mens dorm. The campus chaplain expected the spiritual-life directors from each pair of dorms to share responsibilities and plan activities together. Though Ted and his friend Paul Osteen had lived in the same dorm for the past three years, if both men wanted to be spiritual-life directors, one of them would have to move and take the dorm paired with mine. In other words, the loser got me.

I preferred to work with Paul because I knew of him. He was a really nice guy, good looking and well liked; but I kept asking my friends, Who is this Ted Haggard? Actually, I was surprised he and I hadnt met before, because loads of my friends knew him.

Still, as I watched the two men argue over who would move, I couldnt help thinking, Please, God, dont let Ted Haggard be the one who gets the dorm paired with mine . But I had a feeling things werent going to go my way.

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