Lori Bregman - Mamaste: Discover a More Authentic, Balanced, and Joyful Motherhood from Within

Text copyright 2019 by Lori Bregman and Ursula Cary

Illustrations copyright 2019 by Cat Grishaver

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

Names: Bregman, Lori, author. | Cary, Ursula, author.
Title: Mamaste / Lori Bregman with Ursula Cary.
Description: San Francisco : Chronicle Books, 2018.
Identifiers: LCCN 2018016480 | ISBN 9781452169569 (pbk. : alk. paper); ISBN 9781452169866 (epub, mobi).
Subjects: LCSH: Motherhood. | MotherhoodReligious aspects.
Classification: LCC HQ759 .B757 2018 | DDC 306.874/3dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018016480

Design by Cat Grishaver

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The mother within me
honors the mother within you
because I am you and you are me.
When you are in this place in you
and I am in this place in me,
we are one.

I believe it is absolutely possible for all of us to live authentically and get along without judgment or negativity.

Its all about taking that one moment to stop and create a little space to coexist and remind ourselves that we are more alike than different.

The mother within me honors the mother within you because I am you and you are me. When you are in this place in you and I am in this place in me, we are one. Living the Mamaste way helps us live with less judgment and separateness by embracing more compassion and acceptance because we realize that we are each other.

As a doula and in my practice as a wellness/life coach for moms-to-be and new moms, Ive worked with all types of women. I build strong relationships with my clients by getting to know them individually and then tailoring our conversations and exercises to fit their specific needs. My goal is always to empower my clients to stay true to who they are, and help them make choices that are right for themnot for anyone else! This may sound simple, but trust me, its not. Pregnancy and motherhood can do a number on anyones self-esteem and intuition, and every decision or action can chip away at your confidence, further disconnecting you from your own truth.

Whether they are trying to get pregnant, have a baby on the way, or are seasoned mothers, no two women, children, couples, or families are ever the same. One of the things that makes me good at what I do (and why I love my job!) is that I build a deep relationship with each of my clients. I really get to know and understand the way they operate, and I adjust my approach accordingly. I bring in unique tools to support each person individually and help them discover their own unique gifts and challenges.

It was through this customized work with clients that I observed the commonalities we all possess. I saw the same five expressions appear again and again, albeit at different times and in different ways. Some women are clearly dominant in one type of expression while others balance between two, and, less often, some move comfortably among all five, depending on what life is calling for them at that moment. Once I realized the same five expressions were present in everyone, I was excited to capture my discoveries in a book to share with all momsnot just those I have the privilege of working with one-on-one.

Years ago one of my therapists taught me something that stayed with me. She said that its often what we dont like or are triggered by in another that is what we dont like or accept within ourselves. This hit home for me and became one of the core principles of Mamaste. When you feel triggered by someone elses behavior, pause and ask yourself: What are they reflecting back to me? Is it something I dont like, or a part of myself I am not comfortable with? If youre constantly judging others or are on the defensive, you may miss this moment of reflection. But if you can accept that we all share the same expressions, we just express them differently, then youll see that we can learn so much about ourselves from each other. The mother in me honors the mother in you.

The mom world is full of judgment, shaming, comparison, envy, and jealousyand I am willing to bet that youve experienced all or some of these or participated in some small way. The one thing I know for sure is that all mamas struggle with motherhood in one way or another. No one is immune. Lets face it: motherhood is hard enough without adding to the negativity. What if you chose empathy instead of judgment? What if you saw others as a mirror for yourself? Not to compare, but to ask, how am I like this, too? Theres no doubt that it takes courage and self-awareness to acknowledge that truth.

Mamaste is also about reflecting within yourself. Many of my clients reach out to me postpartum for coaching. They say that they dont feel like themselves anymore, and I tell them its because they arent the same person they were before. Pregnancy and birth are incredibly powerful, transformative experiences, and for many women, their primary expression shifts to something new and unexpected. This can be confusing, frustrating, or even scary. Integrating new expressions can bring out feelings that have been repressed for years, even decades. Even just by reading through this book and understanding the depth of each expression, youll be better prepared to recognize internal shifts and use these tools to work through any uncertain moments.

My client Rashashe didnt feel normal, which made her uncomfortable. She kept comparing herself to how she had been before the birth. I asked what her attachment to Action was, and she said, Im not achieving anything or getting anywhere. I then asked her to reflect on what she was doing right now with her child. Rasha realized that being a parent actually requires a whole lot of DOING! It was just on another scale from what she was used to. She allowed herself to integrate and enjoy balancing her new normal.

Embracing Mamaste can work in big or small ways. From tackling deep-seated fears to letting go of your ideal self, youll be able to access each expression and let it serve you as needed. When your mind starts spinning and you feel like pointing fingers, youll remember to pause and take a breath: Mamaste. When you do this, the negativity stops immediately because youve acknowledged that youre part of the universal motherhood. Youre part of a tribe that needs more kindness, love, and light in order to shine a path forward for our children.