Laurie-Ann Weis - The After Journey: Getting Through the First Year

The After Journey

Getting Through the First Year

Laurie-Ann Weis

TRAFFORD

PUBLISHING

Copyright 2005 Laurie-Ann Weis.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

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ISBN 1-4120-6670-0

TRAFFORD

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Contents

To Steve, my late husband, who taught me what courage and passion truly mean. Thank you for making my life filled with unconditional love.

To Sadie Simms, my mother, who is my greatest role model. Your values and love have given me the ability to keep going when things get tough. Thank you for all of your unconditional love.

To Hy Simms, my stepfather, who always believed in me and made me feel so special. Thank you for being at every treatment, for opening up your heart and home to Steve. Thank you for watching over me from Heaven. I feel your spirit every day.

To Murray Granard, my biological father, who gave hours of time driving us everywhere and always had a positive attitude.

To All Caregivers and their loved ones; to all widows, widowers and partners; to all those who have lost a great love; and to all who are or have gone through this very difficult journey.

A special thank you to all of my website e-mail friends from many countries who have written letters to me opening up their hearts and souls with their most personal feelings and allowing me to learn that grief the first year is the same all over the world no matter race, religion, age or gender.

I wish to express my deep affection, appreciation, admiration and profound gratitude to Kristin Loberg, who became more than a skilled editor on a project but a friend who could finish my sentences, reliving and feeling this journey with me every step of the way. Without you, there would not be either book.

I wish to thank Roger Gittines for encouraging me at the beginning of this writing journey to dig deep and write the truth.

I wish to thank everyone who worked at Reliance Steel and Aluminum who allowed Steve to continue to work with dignity and grace and continued to be gracious to me after his death.

I would like to pay tribute to my friends and family who have given freely and differently with their love, time and patience: Paul Abell, Rochelle and Mike Milmeister, Don and Madeline Karpel, Kathy and Barry Fiedel, Yvonne, Nate and Nicole Matilsky, Oscar Jimenez, The Mann Family (Larry, Gloria, Danny, Ron, Ginger, Ricky and Jeff), Jill Wolff, Kathy Porterfield., Robyn Rakov, Christine Shook, Donna Held, Sheila and Tony Sauber, Bobbi Sloan, Sylvia Hill, Aaron Doty, Ben Posen, Martha Maley, Jennifer Deshaies, Gerry Bloch, Jimmy Marshall, Tom Harkenrider, Michael (the neighba) Stephens, Rick Butler, Angelo, Chrisa and Dino Takos, Debbie and Steve Kaner, Franck and Tania Kalenga, Nancy Madey, Nancy Perrin, Lisa Peter Family, Roy Pruneda, Tom and Mike Aizawa.

I would like to thank Dr. Tony King, who taught me to ride the horse and still continues to guide me when I am stuck or begin to fall off.

To Pete Egoscue, who believed in me and my future when I couldnt, I humbly acknowledge the wisdom you have shared with me over the years.

To Dr. Ken Rexinger and staff, who were always available and gave us support for anything and everything and still continue to support my needs, I truly thank you with so much appreciation.

To Dr. Manuel Fernandez who continues to listen and guide me without judgment, I thank you and deeply respect your opinions.

A gigantic thank you to Dr. Judith Ford, Dr. Lee Rosen, Dr. Tim Solberg, Gage Daigle, nurses, technicians and receptionists at UCLA who treated us like we mattered.

A warm thank you to Steves personal nurses who took great care of our family and made things as normal as possible.

A special thank you to all of my students and their parents for their unwavering support. A special acknowledgement to Jessica, Kristina, Philip, Nick and Natalie.

To Darin Mc Coy, who is a magician with my computer, a huge acknowledgment and appreciation for your skills and patience.

With appreciation to Doug Anderson and Gina Fiedel who allowed my creative process to grow with the website. You are so patient and kind.

To my neighbors, who make me smile and play a significant role in my life. I thank you for your greetings and conversation each day.

Thank you to Rebecca and Nyla for great communication and sharing your thoughts. You are both so inspiring.

To Sheila Ellison, for her compassion and willingness to contact others in support of my project. I think you are a gift and I thank you.

I would like to thank Terre Britton whose gentleness, enthusiastic support and creativity brought color to the project.

With gratitude and appreciation to Oprah Winfrey, a mentor I have never personally met but whose influence through her television show helped me to find my way back to my spirituality. Thank you for introducing me to Gary Zukavs teachings, which helped me find meaning and purpose in my life again without anger.

A special thank you to Chaplin Howard Young for his words, Listening to your life is where self care begins.

And to my Precious Treasure, thank you. Words cannot express my deepest appreciation for your emotional support concerning my needs and my dreams. Your words and love give me strength and balance and you raise the bar of joy in my life.

We must reinvent ourselves and our lives to find a new normal with a different joy.

A potential publisher once said to me that the stories in this book were self indulgent. She meant it as a harsh criticism, not realizing that she missed the point of The After Journey a book that incorporates the experiences of new widows and widowers during their first year after a great loss.

This motivated me even more to publish this book because the first step as a widow or widower is to be self indulgent. Or, as I prefer to say it, uniquely focused on the self. This is the logical consequence for having been selfless during the extreme care of a sick and dying loved one, or for losing a loved one in a shocking moment. We not only lose the partner but we lose ourselves, which forces us to then practice extreme self care in order to reinvent ourselves and our life.

Being self indulgent to a degree is a necessary part of finding a way out of grief. Knowing others have gone through this self indulgent time gives grievers strength because they get to see that they, too, will come out of it and they are normal going through it. This will be evident to you as you read the stories from beginning to end.