Chieko N. Okazaka - Lighten Up!: Finding Real Joy in Life

1993 Deseret Book CompanyAll rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without permission in writing from the publisher, Deseret Book Company, P.O. Box 30178, Salt Lake City, Utah 84130. This work is not an official publication of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The views expressed herein are the responsibility of the author and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church or of Deseret Book Company.Deseret Book is a registered trademark of Deseret Book Company.

Rejoicing in Diversity

CHAPTER ONE

Lighten Up!

I love my sisters in the Relief Society. My story may be unique in some aspects, but I am always amazed by how deeply we resemble each other and how much we have in common as women.

I grew up a child of humble Japanese laborers on a plantation on the big island of Hawaii. I put myself through high school by working as a maid for my room and board, and also worked my way through college. My parents were Buddhists. I joined the Church at the age of fifteen without their permission, though they later consented. I married a nonmember, who later joined the Church. Ed and I were able to have two children, then no more. We lived in Utah soon after World War II, where we had a hard time finding a home to buy or a lot to build on because we were Japanese. I worked most of my married life, first as an elementary schoolteacher, then as a principal, so I know about the challenges of balancing work and family responsibilities. I'm a triple cancer survivor. And I am still dealing with the bewildering reality of loneliness. My beloved partner, Ed, went on ahead on March 20, 1992, leaving me to follow alone. This hard experience was followed by two others just a few weeks later: I lost a grandchild only a few days before it was due to be born, and my brother was diagnosed as having a brain tumor.

I know I share many of these experiences with other women. I know there are many women throughout the Church who grew up in poverty. Women who have had to struggle and sacrifice to get an education. Women who have nonmember husbands or part-member families. Women who have dealt with infertility. Women who have felt the sting of racial prejudice. Women who have left the traditional religion of their families to embrace the gospel. Women who have worked outside their homes, either as a career choice or out of necessity. Women who bear the emotional and physical burdens of ill health. Women who are struggling with the loss of a loved one. I never had a biological sister, yet the more closely I work with women in the Church, the more surely I know there is a spiritual sisterhood.

We are all different and deal with diverse circumstances. Diversity is a strength, not a division. I attend a lot of meetings where I'm the only woman. And I attend many, many meetings where I'm the only Oriental woman. You can perhaps imagine how that feels. Have you ever had the feeling that you're the odd one, the different one? Maybe even too odd or different for this church? The truth is that you're not oddyou're special. When white light falls on a wall, it makes a white wall. But when it passes through a prism, that same light makes a rainbow on the wall.

What is a rainbow? It's light, though a special kind of light. What was the first thing God did in creating this beautiful earth for us? He said, "Let there be light." (Genesis 1:3.) The scriptures record, "And there was light." I'd like to say the same thing: "Let there be light." All kinds of light! Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and violet light.

We need our differences. Diversity is important to us as individuals and as a church. Yet often we feel that our diversity is a problemthat we are wrong to be different, that we have nothing in common with a sister who has a different story, and that the gospel exists to make us all the same. We feel that if we have challenges or difficulties, we must be doing something wrong, and so we burden ourselves with extra guilt on top of the challenge.

I'd like to share with you my favorite Japanese proverb, which gives advice you might find helpful when life gets difficult. It's a short saying, and it comes from the ancient book of Okazaki, chapter one, verse one:

Lighten up!

If you're doing the best you can, that's good enough. I don't know many women who aren't doing their absolute level best in every way, but plenty of those women keep track only of the things they don't do perfectly. The women I know accomplish a phenomenal amount, but often they don't pay attention to what they've done. Rather they concentrate on what has been left undone or what remains still to do.

I frequently meet women who feel their lives are out of control on some level, women who feel profoundly unhappy, women who are trying their hardest but who still feel that somehow it isn't enough or that they haven't done it right or that they aren't acceptable to the Lord the way they are. And sometimes, women hear messages coming from their own sisters in the gospel and the organization of the Church that reinforce these feelings of sadness and inadequacy. This hurts me. This is not the gospel. It's not what the Church is for.

"Lighten up" isn't a message that implies, "Be irresponsible." It's a message for women who are already taking their responsibilities so seriously that they feel burdened and weighed down by them. Remember that lovely promise from the Savior in Matthew 11:28-30: "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

How can the burden be light? It's because the yoke is a double one, designed for two. Jesus wants to be our yokefellow; yet how often do we struggle on, insisting on pulling the whole load ourselves, never realizing why it feels so lopsided? The Savior wants to share that burden, and we need to let him.

So just memorize that ancient proverb and say it out loud when things are hard. Lighten up!

You're going to have some dark moments. We all do. But when they come, I hope you will remember to let the sunshine into your life. Don't be hard on yourself, and don't let other people be hard on you either. Give yourself credit for the good things you do. If you make a mistake, give yourself credit for trying. Laugh a lot. Catch yourself singing. Whistle or hum as you go about your duties. If you do only half of what you wanted to do, or do it only half as well as you would have liked, pat yourself on half your back. But lighten up! Be lighthearted enough that you can float above the dark clouds and see the rainbows in your life. The gospel brings a whole rainbow of light into our lives. There are three ideas about this diversity that I'd like to discuss: knowing, helping, and loving. I've borrowed these ideas from the happiest little song about diversity that I know: "We Are Different," by Patricia Kelsey Graham (Children's Songbook [Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1989], p. 263).

I know you, and you know me.
We are as diff'rent as the sun and the sea.
I know you, and you know me,
And that's the way it is supposed to be.

I help you, and you help me.
We learn from problems, and we're starting to see.
I help you, and you help me,
And that's the way it is supposed to be.

I love you, and you love me.