Liv Montgomery - Setting Life Goals with Your Teen: Living by Design
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When it comes to the evolution of your teen, where exactly do you fit into their big picture? From the dawn of time, parents have been coping with the yo-yo effect of their teenagers needing them one moment and pushing them away the next. As each generation has been inspired with new ideas, new insights and new technologies, the gap keeps getting a little wider. The wisdom of the elder generation is sometimes seen as irrelevant by the younger generation - at least until they reach about 30! If youve got a teen you may be seeing this very same yo-yo effect unfold in your daily life. But there is one key factor that can make all the difference in raising a well-grounded teenager. That difference is Goal Setting. In this ebook, you will discover practical parenting strategies used by successful parents of high achievers, athletes, celebrities and leaders. You can begin using these parenting techniques today, even if your communications with your teenager have been strained and youre not sure how to begin. Certified Life Coach Liv Montgomery guides you through proven methods to help you make a positive change in the life of your teen and set-up your young adult for an exceptionally successful life.o Learn how to determine age-appropriate goals for your teeno Uncover the secret to helping your teen achieve excellenceo Learn a step-by-step strategy for and reaching that big dream starting todayo Refine your parenting skills and connect with your teen at a deeper level
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Setting Life Goals With Your Teen
by Liv Montgomery
Copyright 2011
www.PrivateSuccessCoaching.com
When it comes to the evolution of your teen, where exactly do you fit into their big picture? From the dawn of time, parents have been coping with the yo-yo effect of their teenagers needing them one moment and pushing them away the next.
And it seems that as each generation has succeeded the previous one with new ideas, new insights and new technologies, the gap between young and old, old and new, keeps getting a little wider. The wisdom of the elder generation is sometimes seen as irrelevant by the younger generation.
Well, at least until they reach about 30. But for now, if youve got a teen you may be seeing this very same situation unfold in your daily life. The result can be mistrust, miscommunication, and missed opportunities for moving together in unison as sentient, more evolved members of the human race.
Maybe you feel like youve tried everything, from scientific reasoning to spells and incantations. If what youve been doing isnt working, its time to try a different tactic - I dont mean the forceful caveman approach. I know: using an actual system doesnt sound as fun, but give it a chance. I think youll like the results much better.
Now lets turn our attention to the story of someone whos taken on some responsibilities just a bit beyond her years.
Lena sat at a table in a square patch of weak sunshine in the courtyard. Her head throbbed, she felt sick to her stomach, and her tongue was thick and lazy. In spite of taking Alka Seltzer and a fat dose of B-vitamins that morning, she had a doozy of a hangover. Why did just about everyone in the world begin each New Year by feeling terrible?
Doug walked up to her and sat down. May I join you?
Something inside of Lena smiled, and she instantly felt better. She liked Doug. Sure.
So how have you been? he asked. I havent seen you since the Christmas party last week. That was a wild time!
Im great, actually. The jobs going really well. I just got a raise. You may remember Im the Assistant Manager at a law bookstore. My job is so demanding, but its really rewarding. Plus they pay me well.
Thats terrific, Doug offered.
Its a little unnerving when I close the shop at night sometimes, she said. The neighborhood is pretty sketchy.
I imagine it would be, Doug said. Its on Golden Gate Avenue, right? Thats right at the heart of the Tenderloin District.
I can handle myself, Lena shrugged.
There was a quiet moment that passed between them, and it was calm, comfortable.
The acting thing is going really well, by the way, Lena went on. Im doing 2 venues a week now, plus the improv shows. Im doing a corporate gig for a Bechtel party - you know the type, where you put on a Disney costume and mingle with the crowd. So thats good. Its all coming together.
Fantastic. Sounds like youre doing well. Im really glad for you. Doug was genuinely supportive. Lena could feel his warmth like the rays of the sun. The pain in her head was easing in the light of his bright smile.
Say listen, Doug began, Ive just found out about a new bistro thats opened up in North Beach. Theyve got a jazz quartet that plays every Friday night and they serve a mean coque au vin. Maybe I can pick you up after your performance and we can check it out together, have a couple of drinks. Say, 11:00?
Sure, that sounds great. Yeah. Well do that.
Okay, great. Ive got your number. Well be in touch.
Terrific. Thanks Doug. Lena pulled out her phone to add the date to her calendar, and noticed that she was running late for a visit to her doctor. She needed to get her prescription refilled for her birth control. She also had a payment due on her car insurance, and she owed her mom a check for the rent.
Unfortunately, the doctors appointment meant she was going to miss the final exam for her next class, Civics & Economics.
At 16, Lena was a senior in high school with only a week to go before graduation. But she was often mistaken for a 26-year-old by casting directors, bar tenders, school personnel and customers at the store where she worked.
In her rush to be an adult, she had forgotten to be an adolescent. She pulled out her car keys, paused and wondered if it was too late to cancel her doctors appointment. She watched as some kids played football on the field across the street.
She felt a pain of regret that in all of her high school days, shed never tried out for the cheer leading squad.
Some parents assume their children will grow up to be just like them - that their values will be the same, that theyll behave appropriately, and that kids will somehow absorb their parents goals through osmosis. Some parents may even want to impose their own unfulfilled dreams onto their kids.
Other parents insist that their kids act like grown ups at an early age, exposing them to adult topics and encouraging them to mingle with adults as peers at parties and family gatherings. This is what happened with Lena, and as she finished high school in San Francisco, she took on some very adult responsibilities when she was only half-way through her teen years.
For a parent to expect that their teen will do just as they would do is unrealistic at best. To pressure a child early on to behave like anything other than a child is unfair. There is a marked difference between expecting your teen to be well-behaved and expecting your teen to act like an adult.
The time will come soon enough for adult responsibility. Let your kid be a kid. Sure, guide him toward West Point or Broadway if thats what he really wants to do. But let him get there as a self-accepting, well-adjusted person.
But why? You may be thinking that having a precocious teen on your hands is not such a bad thing. It helps pay the bills, and its a lot more preferable to having a needy, immature teen living under your roof, heaven forbid.
The thing is, if your teen is forced to bypass the natural events of being a kid, then that repressed behavior is going to come out later on in life. Its a fertile ground for mid-life crisis and anything but a well-adjusted adulthood.
Do you really want your off-spring living under your roof at the age of 40? Okay then.
Theres a huge difference between internally motivating your teen and externally applying pressure. Best to back off a little, take your foot off the gas, and help your teen coast into a nice, normal, well-adjusted adulthood. Better.
If your teen is making any of the following assumptions, it could be a sign of an over-achiever:
Your teen may think, I have to be successful at everything I do. This is an altogether unrealistic assumption. In the real world, everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Help your teen learn to be okay with that.
While its crucial that your teen to learns to do the best he can, its more important to learn self-acceptance.
Your teen may think, I have to be perfect. Not going to happen. Help your teen learn to pursue excellence, not perfection. One is possible. The other is not.
Your teen may think, I have to be loved by everybody, and I have to satisfy everyone. This also is entirely unrealistic. Everyone is fallible, and more to the point, everyone is different. If your teen is spending all his time trying to please everyone else - including you - he will never be successful.
This type of posture is a recipe for disaster. Its crucial to develop personal criteria and values that are not necessarily dependent upon the approval of other people.
Your teen may think, Everything that happened to me in the past matters here and now. This idea simply doesnt work. If your teen is spending all his time and energy looking backward, he cant move forward without tripping over his own feet. Today is a whole new day. Help your teen keep the lessons of the past, but let go of the emotional baggage.
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