Gael Lindenfield - Self Esteem Bible: Build Your Confidence Day by Day

Dedicated in love and admiration to
Mari Macauley

Who has triumphed over innumerable internal and external challenges to her self-esteem and is now dedicated to helping others do the same

In this fast-changing, globally competitive world, our self-esteem has a tough survival course to work through. Nearly everyday, or sometimes several times in one day, our self-esteem can get knocked about. If left unrepaired, some scars can last a lifetime.

Self-esteem is having a good opinion of yourself. It should not be confused with arrogance or vanity. Having high self-esteem is a healthy psychological state a valuable inner resource that we need to protect.

People with high self-esteem are generally calm, relaxed people who are positive, purposeful, expressive and assertive. They are sociable and cooperative; at home in their well-nourished and well-exercised bodies, and are continually searching for ways and means to improve their behaviour and performance. They do not constantly seek the approval of others and are highly capable of acting independently.

When our self-esteem is low we can become fearful, negative, passive, tense, aggressive, indecisive, self-destructive and unmotivated, and we feel powerless and unworthy. As well as affecting our happiness, low self-esteem also impacts on our work and relationships.

With the odds for success and happiness so heavily weighted against people with shaky self-esteem, you cant afford simply to sit back and patiently hope you will gain personal strength and feelings of self-worth. You need to move into action!

So whether your self-esteem is chronically low or you are just experiencing a trough at the moment, this book provides 365 tips to motivate you to assert your needs and develop your potential for success and happiness.

The format of this book is very user-friendly, so you can use it in any way you like. You may want to read one tip a day, read the whole book at once and devise your own plan, or simply dip into it as and when you need it.

Although there is one tip for every day of the year, you will notice that there are no specific time guidelines for completing them. This is because you will be working at your own individual pace. Sometimes you will ignore a tip that is not relevant to you or your lifestyle, and at other times you will want to spend a week or longer working on an exercise. You decide where and when you want to linger. Some tips contain exercises and are therefore a little longer than others, but most are short and will be quick and easy to put straight into practice.

The book is divided into four parts, each covering a different area. is concerned with health, as your physical and mental health lays the foundation for the other self-esteem building work that follows. Our self-esteem is always more fragile when we are sick or tired as our defences are down and we dont have our usual capacity to deal with put-downs. So the first step is to get yourself in tip-top condition.

deals with personal development; this will equip you with the personal power you need to work on your relationships with others, your career and any other area of your life.

looks at how you can form and maintain healthy, positive relationships. This will be helpful if you are being taken for granted, ignored, rejected or unfairly criticized by others, or if your low self-esteem is sabotaging your relationships.

Finally, looks at the world of work and provides practical advice to people who are unhappy or unappreciated in their employment, to those looking for a new job, and to those who simply want to improve their work performance by becoming more confident and assertive.

I hope you find this self-esteem-building work as empowering and rewarding as I, and many thousands of others, have done. Good luck!

Fill your fridge with nutritious luxury treats. Include one giant bowl of exotic fresh fruit salad and another of sticks of fresh vegetables. Buy or borrow a variety of exercise, dance, martial arts, Pilates and yoga videos. Plan a programme to watch and work through these. Book yourself onto some new outdoor activity that you have been wanting to try (such as rowing, tennis or sailing) preferably including a lesson so that you will be challenged mentally as well as physically. Buy some aromatherapy oils to use with an oil burner or to add to your bath. Oils such as camomile, sage, frankincense, neroli and lavender are wonderful for relaxation, while basil, eucalyptus, peppermint, pine and rosemary will help to refresh and energize you. Treat yourself to an extravagant extra such as a seaweed scrub to draw out toxins, or simply give yourself a massage using moisturizing lotion with a few drops of essential oil added. Select some CDs for relaxation sessions and make sure you have lots of large fluffy towels and comfortable clothing washed and ready to wear.

Perhaps you dont enjoy the gym or that early morning run you never have the time to do. Dont give in you deserve and need a fit body. Find alternatives. Booking in for a regular class is a good way of committing. Try taking your own music, or a language course or motivational tape, to listen to during your workout at the gym. Alternatively, team up with a friend or colleague you never see enough, and make a weekly date for a walk and talk. Until the habit sticks, reward yourself each time you complete an exercise routine. Your aim is to programme your brain to associate exercise with pleasure instead of pain.

Release tension from your body by doing a few quick stretches and gentle head rolls at least every hour. Concentrate on the muscles you know your particular work or lifestyle strains. At the very least, clench your fingers and toes and then gently release them several times.

Sit or lie in a comfortable supported position. Release tension from your face and head by tightening and releasing your muscles in that region a few times. Close your eyes and focus your whole awareness on your breathing. Visualize your breath as it enters and leaves your body. Continue doing this for a minute or so.

While still following your breathing, centre your attention either on your heart or at a point inside your head in the direct line of the central point between your eyes (where your brain controls your fight or flight response). In time to your breathing, in your mind start saying a mantra. This is a word or short phrase of your choosing. (For example, calm, at peace or I am being.) Keep repeating your mantra for as long a time as you can spare. When a thought enters your mind, gently refocus your attention on the meditation point you have chosen and continue saying your mantra in time to your breathing.

Limit yourself to one caffeine drink a day, cut down on the alcohol and give up cigarettes. Experiment with healthier alternatives until your palate begins to crave them. Youll be surprised at how quickly this can happen. (I would never have believed I could teach myself to enjoy camomile tea my stomach used to turn at its very smell!)