Jedediah Bila - Dear Hartley: Thoughts on Character, Kindness, and Building a Brighter World

THE SUN IS SETTING over the Verrazzano-Narrows Bridge and our house is quiet for the first time since I woke up fourteen hours ago. I have a pen in my hand. A real, live pen with a silver barrel, its narrow nib ready to deposit black ink onto thick, ivory matte stationery. There are no electronics in sight, and my thoughtful husband has left me to my own undistracted devices. I finally have a literary room of ones own.

No excuses.

The time has come for me to write the letters of a lifetime. Letters to my son, Hartley, the full-of-life, full-of-energy baby boy currently sleeping soundly in his crib, hopefully dreaming something wonderful. They will be letters about my mistakes, achievements, relationships, decisions, and my right and wrong turns. They will be about values, obstacles big and small, and how I hope the world can be for him and his whole generation.

Parenting can be challenging to the heart and mind. There are worries as to how well were preparing our children for this great thing called life. Sometimes we feel like we can never do enough, that we need to be in two (or three or four) places at once, that weve not said or done the exact right thing. We all know there is no exact right thing to say or do, but thats hard to accept sometimes too. The thing is, its such precious cargo were dealing with, these lives weve created that are vulnerable and curious about the ways of the world. We want everything to go wonderfully well, if not close to perfect, for them. Perfect is an impossible goal, but we love these children so much that we dream of perfection for them nonetheless.

We are currently in the oddest of days. The world spins on an axis of us vs. them, yours vs. mine. Everyone is so busy trying to defend their position and confirm their worldview that we leave little room to hear anyone else speak, let alone sit down to read a well-written letter and leave ourselves open to the possibility of, yes, persuasion.

Throughout my television career, Ive sat on several big platforms, well aware that division is a business model for many, and a successful one. Its not my business model, and never will be. My goal in these letters, and from any platform Im blessed with today or tomorrow, is to invite everyone to talk with me, share with me, and learn with me. Im opening up my life and my heart in these pages, with the hope that we can figure things out together for my child, your child, your grandchild, and beyond.

In this time of polarization, confusion, and frustration, I still believe there are many people out there hungry for healthy conversation, hopeful for an exchange of ideas that doesnt involve shouting down the other side. I also believe we have a lot in common when it comes to our desire to take care of our children.

Im writing these letters for my child, who I love more than I ever thought possible, hoping that they will be something he can turn to for laughter, wisdom, and direction as he grows into the person he wants to be.

Im writing to reach a generation of young adults, as well as the parents, relatives, and friends guiding them on their journeys.

Im writing to help uncover the core of what many of us feel inside about the world and one another. Though we each have our own unique life experiences, Im betting that our stories, and the lessons weve learned, have a lot in common. Im betting that we share many of the same dreams for the children in our lives.

Im writing with the hope that these letters tug at the hearts and minds of those who think they see the world differently from those people over there and may have forgotten that emotions like happiness and sadness unite us all.

My hope is to remind us where weve been and where we can go, what weve overcome and what we can overcome.

Hope. Its so important. I love my son so much. I also love my country, and I believe in us all. Despite the divisive noise out there, underneath it all, were just people. And that means something.

I also write this book with an inch of trepidation.

This is a book about secrets and raw emotions, with my childs name right there on the cover. I thought long and hard about whether to write something so personal related to him and put it out there in this moment, with so much outrage around us. I wondered if people would say nasty things about him for no reason at all, or maybe for the sole reason of taking a jab at me. I decided to step through that inch of fear and start writing, because with so much fury out there right now, maybe this is the perfect time for this book to reach hearts and heads. Plus, I couldnt possibly encourage my kid to be honest, bold, and brave if I wasnt able to do it myself.