Megan Lynn Kott - Unfamiliar Familiars: Extraordinary Animal Companions for the Modern Witch

Copyright 2020 by Megan Lynn Kott and Justin DeVine.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Kott, Megan Lynn, author. | DeVine, Justin, author.
Title: Unfamiliar familiars : extraordinary animal companions for the modern witch / by Megan Lynn Kott and Justin DeVine.
Description: San Francisco : Chronicle Books, [2020]
Identifiers: LCCN 2019059912 | ISBN 9781797200774 (hardcover); ISBN 9781797200774 (epub, mobi)
Subjects: LCSH: Familiars (Spirits)--Juvenile humor. | Witches--Juvenile humor. | Animals--Miscellanea--Juvenile literature
Classification: LCC BF1557 .K68 2019 | DDC 133.4/3--dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019059912

Cover design by Neil Egan, Justin DeVine, and Megan Lynn Kott.
Layout design by AJ Hansen.

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A familiar may be many things, but fundamentally it is a witchs animal companion.

In ancient timeswhich is to say the 1950s and earlierpeople believed that familiars were not animals at all, but were in fact imps, or other spirit- beings taking on animal shapes for the purpose of deception. As longtime researchers and self-proclaimed familiar experts, we emphatically dispute this. Although the old stereotype is still occasionally reinforced in the modern era (notably by television programs about teenage witches), it is now much more commonly known that familiars are just regular flesh-and-blood creatures, albeit magical ones.

While all people have access to magic (in theory at least), some are considerably more aware of and in touch with the arcane world than others. It is these individuals who are most likely to become witches. Similarly, some animals are more in touch with the flow of magic than others, and it is these mystically attuned creatures that are best suited to becoming familiars.

Not all familiars operate in the same way; some can cast spells independently, while some can only lend their strength to boost others magical efforts. Some possess sensory abilities that humans do not, whereas some are best at performing simple tasks that human witches are unsuited for (due to being too large, too small, not having gills, etc.). Some make fabulous guides to the unseen realms, and some are best at gently guiding others toward self-awareness and actualization.

Above all else, the thing to remember about familiars is that they are not servants and they are not pets. When a witch enters into a Familiars Pact, they are voluntarily partnering with the familiar in question, and such a partnership may last their entire lifetime (or beyond). Also, its almost guaranteed that a new familiar will annoy ones pets, roommates, and possibly house-plants. Thus, the decision is not one to be made willy-nilly.

Entering a Familiars Pact will undoubtedly be one of the most important decisions of your magical life. To aid you in that decision, this book seeks to elucidate the benefits and drawbacks of some underrepresented familiar types.

All witches are unique, and we believe that the range of animal companions should reflect the diversity of the magical community. For whatever reason, though, many people still limit themselves to the same few old-world standards (toads, crows, black cats, tiny horses, etc.). While theres certainly nothing wrong with any of these options, we encourage you to leave them to those basic witches, and consider instead some of the unconventional options described within these pages.

There are many possible ways of determining what type of familiar is best for youtea leaves, if read properly, can be enormously helpful. Cootie- catchers have been known to be similarly efficacious. Our recommended method, however, is the following:

Tear out pages 1492 of this book, and fold each into an origami swan. Set the swans afloat down your nearest river or streameither at dawn or duskin a magnificent chain of paper birds. Within three days, one of the swans should come back to you, in the beak of an owl, in an old glass bottle sealed with wax, or possibly just by FedEx. Unfold the swan and see which page has returned; the creature described by the text is your ideal familiar. If no swan returns, the ritual has been inconclusive, and we recommend you buy a new copy of the book and try again. If all this sounds too timeor moneyintensive, simply refer to the chart on the following spread.

Once you have an ideal familiar in mind, draw (to the best of your ability) a picture of it from memory on unlined paper. Fold the resulting sketch in half (hot-dog style) twice, and keep it under your pillow for three nights.

After that, burn the piece of paper in the flame of your favorite candle, and collect as much of the ashes as you can. Mix the ash with a sprinkle of soil from your garden, and carry the resulting mixture in your dominant hand until you reach the third tree on the left. Deposit the dirt and ash into a hole in the tree bark while reciting the name youve chosen for your familiar. If there isnt a hole in the bark, just smear it all over the trunk indiscriminately. Please now wash your hands. Your familiar will soon be revealed to you.

If your familiar is aquatic, microscopic, or occupies some other unusual habitat, you may need to venture out a bit to find it, but fear not, for the Universe will coordinate your meeting! Just remember that this is an adopt-dont-shop situation. Buying an animal to be your familiar is not only mystically missing the point, it also encourages the dark arts of animal breeding for profit, which we discourage wholeheartedly.

When meeting your familiar for the first time, you will each make a vow to the other, sealing your partnership. You can write your own vows, but if you need guidance, feel free to use/adapt the following lines:

On my honor, I will try

to serve the Goddess and my familiar,

to help people and animals at all times

and to live by this Familiars Pact.

I say it once, I say it twice,

I say it chicken soup with rice.

If you dream of teeth falling out on any of those nights, floss thoroughly and start over. If you dream about showing up to school naked or being unprepared for a test, dont worry, thats totally normal. If you dream about vampire chimney sweeps, you probably need more potassium in your diet.