Yong Kang Chan - Empty Your Cup: Why We Have Low Self-Esteem and How Mindfulness Can Help (Self-Compassion Book 1)

When asked to make a list of everything we love about ourselves, most of us would be able to write something, even if we hate ourselves or have low self-esteem. When I was a teen, this was my first self-esteem exercise. After suffering from low self-esteem for years, someone from an online forum suggested I list ten things I love about myself. I did and it felt good...

For a while.

Soon, I was back to my usual habits of belittling myself: No one likes me. I am boring. No one wants to listen or talk to me. Every time I saw other students chatting and having a good time, I felt alone. Every time I was with my friends and they were chatting happily without me, I felt left out. When I was asked a question and it was my turn to speak up, I couldnt. I stumbled and didnt know what to say. The thoughts in my head were perfectly coherent, but once they came out of my mouth nothing sounded right. I enjoyed studying and learning new things, but I cant say I liked school very much. When it came to social situations, I felt awkward and uncomfortable.

This went on for years. I felt inferior and unworthy every single day, but somehow I survived. Writing down my feelings and thoughts helped, and because I was getting better at communicating with others, I didnt see my low self-esteem as a problem. I just thought that one day I would be as confident as everyone else and I would feel better about myself

But, of course, I didnt.

After graduation, I began my first job as an auditor. I soon realized that working life was much worse than school life, especially during lunch. It was okay when we were at the clients place. We would go out and have lunch together as a team. But when we were back in the office, everyone seemed to have his or her own clique. A few times, I found myself alone in an empty office during lunch. Everyone had gone out and I was either uninvited or forgotten. This might sound silly now, in hindsight. I could have asked my colleagues if I could join for lunch. But at that time, I was so afraid of being rejected by others. What if they dont want me to join them? Wouldnt I be imposing on them?

The truth was that I hated lunch. But why was having lunch so difficult? I didnt even dare to go out for lunch alone. If my colleagues had forgotten to invite me and they saw me eating alone in a restaurant, it would be awkward for all of us. On the flip side, if they had no intention of asking me out for lunch, and they caught me eating lunch alone, I would be perceived as a loser with no other friends to dine with. So at times like this, I had to sneak into a nearby eatery and ask for takeaway, or walk a long distance to the outskirts of the financial district so I wouldnt bump into my colleagues. Sometimes, when I wasnt in the mood, I would hide in one of the office toilet cubicles and skip lunch altogether.

Finally, one day, I broke down in a toilet cubicle. What was a 25-year-old man like me doing hiding in the bathroom, afraid of having lunch? I was so ashamed of myself. But it turned out to be a good thing, because it helped me realize I needed to change my life and myself.

The next six years were great. I left my auditing job and became an accountant. I started watching videos and reading self-help books on overcoming low self-esteem, building confidence, and being positive. I purchased online courses that helped me change my negative beliefs about myself. My self-esteem improved tremendously and I became more confident in life and my work. I even wrote my first book, Fearless Passion , and later became an animator.