Yong Kang Chan - Parent Yourself Again: Love Yourself the Way You Have Always Wanted to Be Loved (Self-Compassion Book 3)

Parent Yourself Again: Love Yourself the Way You Have Always Wanted to Be Loved

Yong Kang Chan

www.nerdycreator.com

Parent Yourself Again: Love Yourself the Way You Have Always Wanted to Be Loved

Copyright 2018 by Yong Kang Chan.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Printed in the United States of America

First Edition, 2018

Cover illustrated by Rusty Doodle

Author photo by Benson Ang

Book edited by Jessica Bryan

CONTENTS

Your Free Gift s

Low self-esteem can cause problems in your work, relationship, and mental health. After my episode of depression, I realize the importance of loving myself. So Ive put together these three free gifts for you.

1. Self-Love Quiz

Do you love yourself unconditionally? Or are you too hard on yourself? I had created this quiz to help you find out how much you love yourself.

2. The Round Moon

Being an introvert, I found it challenging to fit in sometimes. This short story was written to encourage us to embrace our differences and accept ourselves.

3. Self-Love Project

This project is a compilation of 44 self-love articles I had written over a year. It includes topics such as:

• forgiving yourself
• setting boundaries
• overcoming negative self-criticism
• letting go of expectations
• being authentic, and more.

If you would like to receive any of the gifts for free, please click here .

Preface

Ram Dass, the spiritual teacher, once said: If you think you are so enlightened, go and spend a week with your parents. The same is true for self-compassion. If you want to know whether you love yourself or not, go and live with your parents. Not just visit them, live with them. For most of us, our conflicts and unhappiness begin with our family. Learn how to love your family and you will know how to love yourself. The opposite is true, too.

But staying with your parents is not easy. No matter how old you are, whenever you are with them, you automatically become a kid again and your parents will play their roles. If you have a difficult relationship with your parents, being around them will bring up unhappy and painful memories from the past. They will likely treat you the way they have always treated you. Were you criticized as a child? Most likely, they will continue to criticize you for the same things. Do you have narcissistic parents? They are unlikely to change much.

The relationship with our parents will not change until we change.

In this book, Parent Yourself Again , I encourage you to initiate change. It doesnt matter who is right or who is wrong. Be a loving presence for yourself instead of waiting for your parents or anyone else to provide you with the love and approval you seek. When we accept that our parents will never be the way we want them to be, we can stop seeking love and acceptance from them and our hearts will become lighter. Whether we are loved or not will not depend on our parents anymore. Loving ourselves becomes our responsibility, and this is something that all of us can do because we are the source of love.

Unlike the Western countries, people in Asia usually live with their parents until they get married and start their own families. So being Asian, Im grateful that I have had many opportunities to resolve conflicts with my parents. My relationship with them has come a long way. I used to believe they didnt love me. But after clearing my misunderstanding and living with them for so many years, I have a newfound appreciation of their love for me and have found a way to connect with them. They might not give me the type of love that Im seeking, but I thank them for loving me in their special way.

As with my other books, most of the insights here are drawn from my own experiences and observations. If you are looking for something technical, complex, or extensively researched, this book might not be suitable for you. But if you want to learn more about self-exploration and reflection, this book will be of great value to you.

One of the biggest obstacles to self-compassion is our relationship with our parents. I hope this book provides you with the ability to resolve your childhood conflicts and live in peace with your family and others.

With much love,

Yong Kang Chan

Singapore, 2018

Introduction
Running Away from My Parents

I started running away when I was five years old. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized what I really wanted was somebody to come after me when I was running away.

WILLIE AAMES

There was a period of time when living at home was unbearable. I wanted to leave the house and find a place where I could avoid my parents, even if it meant that I had to rent a room and live with strangers.

However, I soon realized that this created unnecessary stress. I had to make money quickly so I could afford a place to live, but money wasnt coming in fast enough and I ended up making some rash career decisions along the way. It also made what I love to do less enjoyable.

My parents are not bad parents. I just wanted them to be a little more understanding and supportive, and a little less critical and controlling. I hoped they would accept me for who I am and give me the freedom to be myself, especially when it came to my career choice.

Leaving my job as an accountant in Singapore to pursue an animation career in Malaysia left a dent in our relationship, especially my relationship with my dad. Even now, he doesnt understand why I gave up a proper, stable job in accounting to pursue a hobby like animation. When the animation job didnt turn out to be what I had imagined, returning home was tough and humiliating. In the back of my mind, I constantly heard my parents repeating: We told you so.

Even when I started working as a tutor and writing in the morning, my parents would still tell me from time to time:

• You dont know how to think about the future.
• Writing doesnt even make you any money.
• You could have become a manager and owned a house by now if you had stayed in your job.
• There is no CPF (Central Provident Fund i.e. retirement fund) for people who are self-employed.
• Your aunt feels sad that you are not working anymore.

I didnt want to be angry with my parents but listening to these comments hurt greatly. I didnt want them to think there was something wrong with me like why cant I be like everyone else, or why am I still living at home and not working. Sometimes, even when the comments were not directed at me, I would feel irritated. My elder brother also works from home as an illustrator. Every time I heard my parents talking negatively about what he did or they blamed him for influencing me to leave my job, a part of me was screaming inside: He didnt influence me to be an author. I made my own decision!

Why cant they let me be myself?

Why dont they understand?

Why dont they support and approve of my career choice?

The more I thought about it, the more I didnt want to be around them.

When we were children, we believed that when we grew up we would have the power and freedom to make our own choices and do whatever we wanted. But now, as adults, how many of us are still letting our parents opinions influence our decisions and affect how we feel? How many of us are still playing the child role in relation to them?