B. Boyd - A Light Through the Storm: A Parents Guide to Caring for Yourself During Difficult Teen Years

From the time I was a very young girl, I always wanted to be a mom. I come from a large family of 10. I started babysitting when I was eleven. I babysat for my nieces and nephews and for other kids as well. I loved children and looked forward to the day when I would have my own children. Children are so fun to be around. They are happy and put a smile on your face. A childs laughter is contagious. There could be no greater joy than to be a mom.

I married when I was 20, had my first child when I was 21 and my second at 24. I remember so clearly the incredible feeling of being pregnant and having a child grow within me. A woman glows when she is pregnant. It is an incredible time and a true miracle. Labor with both of my boys was pretty quick, and I had both of them naturally with no pain medication. Giving birth was a physically painful experience but as soon as you see your beautiful baby, you soon forget all of the pain because you are filled with an overwhelming love for this new life that you brought into the world. In Psalm 127:3-5 it says, Dont you see that children are Gods best gift? The fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warriors fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth. Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children! MSG Being a parent is a true blessing but it is also the most difficult job that you will ever do.

I truly enjoyed parenting my children as they grew. We went to Disney World when they were 5 and 2. Both of my boys starting playing soccer when they were 4. They played soccer, baseball, football, and roller hockey. It was a busy time but a joyful one as well. I think I was as competitive as they were. As my boys became pre-teens and teens, things started to change. They were growing more independent and starting to make decisions on their own. I thought I had taught them well. We talked about everything and I provided sound instruction to them.

As time passed and they became older, I discovered them starting to make decisions that I didnt approve of. We sat down and talked about their decisions. I warned them of possible consequences based on my own experiences. Unfortunately, neither of my children were willing to learn from me. They wanted to learn the hard way, through their own experience. All of the sudden I found myself in brand new territory. What I thought would work was no longer working. The children I adored, I started to despise. I found myself in a love/hate relationship with them. I recently heard a sermon at church where the minister discussed love and asked the church, What is the opposite of love? My minister described how the opposite of love is not hate. Love and hate are closely related and are very strong emotions that often go together. The opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy. Apathy is not feeling anything, not caring. If you have picked up this book, then I know you love your children. You may also be in a love/hate relationship with your children. That is okay, it is much better to be there, than to feel apathy for your children.

Have you ever stopped and thought about LOVE? What is love? Why is it such a strong emotion? How can it feel so good at times and cause us so much hurt at others? The dictionary defines love as a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

Love is so complex that the one English word is not enough to truly describe all of its facets. In Greek, there are four different words for love: Eros, Philia, Agape, and Storge. Eros is passionate love felt between a man and a woman used to describe romantic love. Philia means friendship in modern day Greek and is characterized by loyalty between friends, family, community and can also be used to express the love for an activity. Agape love means I love you. It denotes feelings for ones child or spouse and is illustrated by a self-sacrificing and giving love to all. Storge means affection, like that felt by parents for their offspring.

The love between a parent and their child is an extremely powerful love that encompasses Philia, Agape, and Storge kinds of love. We (with the power of God) created that life. They are our flesh and blood. We have a special bond with them. The love is so strong that we would do anything for our child. As parents, we will do anything to protect them, to keep them from harm, and ensure their safety. Throughout history parents have done incredible things for their children in the name of love. Mothers have been known to have super powers when their child is in a dangerous situation and lift a car, run into a burning building, and leap buildings in a single bound (okay maybe that one is Superman). We may have even lied for our children or defended them even when others have solid accusations against them. We think, there is no way my child could do something like that. Some parents have also had to make hard decisions in the name of love. Examples include giving up a child for adoption so they can have a better life than we can provide or turning them into the authorities when they have done something terribly wrong. Love is hard. It is the most incredible feeling in the world. It can also be the most heart wrenching thing in the world, especially when the love we give is not returned to us.

Love is a gift and each of us has a desire to give and receive it, which is why it is so ironic how love can be used and abused. Often times, the people we love the most are the same people that we hurt the most. Doesnt that seem strange? Why do we as human beings do that? It is because we feel safe with those who love us. We are family. We have something in our brains that tells us, this person will always love me, always be there for meno matter what I do. For the most part that is true. We put up with more abuse from those we love than we would from friends, co-workers or strangers. Our children know us well. They have been around us their whole lives. They know what buttons to push, how to gain our sympathy, how to irritate us, how to wear us down AND they use it against us.

We often treat people we love in ways that we would never treat others. We accept treatment from those we love that we would never take from others. This is why it is so difficult for us as parents. We love our children. We want them to be happy and successful. We want what is best for them. We want to protect them. Unfortunately, as our children grow up, they make their own decisions. Sometimes they make good decisions and sometimes they make bad ones. We want to protect them from the bad decisions but they wont let us. Sometimes they need to learn the hard way; not from our wisdom or experience, but from their own.