Jim Loch - Autumn Leaves: A Spiritual Story of Love and Loss

Acknowledgements

A t first, when I considered how to structure this, I looked upon it as a bit of a chore. At the back of my mind was the thought that I didnt want to offend anybody. Consequently, I drew something up that was pretty safe and submitted it. On reflection I found it to be lifeless and I realised that it was not worthy of the book. This is my second attempt and have I decided to follow the spirit of the book, open my heart, address you directly and pour my gratitude out. It is not meant to be all inclusive, so sorry if I have missed mentioning you.

I am so proud of you my family. You were a tower of strength throughout, even although you were scattered throughout the world. Despite Stuart and Jessica living in USA, Fraser and Larinda in Canada and Iain in Australia, we felt your support from the start. It was just wonderful Iain that you were able to come back home to stay with us throughout. It meant so much to us, Stuart and Fraser, for you to bring your families home to visit us during Lindas treatment. Dave, my big brother, you have huge heart and have always been my protector and there you were again in the background, ably supported by your wonderful wife Alison. I love both of you so much. Malcolm and Margaret, thanks for opening your hearts, I felt our relationship grew closer with our shared vulnerability.

Thank you to my wonderful neighbours. Rhona you were just great with your mixture of love, wisdom and practical suggestions. Helen, we really appreciated those wonderful letters of encouragement and William, thanks for being my buddy!

High Blantyre Baptist church folks, you are a tremendously caring little community and we felt you walked with us each step of the way, with love and prayerful support. Special thanks to Steve, Chris, sweet Rebeca, Phil and Janet, the bonds that we have together were fashioned in heaven. Also Steve, thanks for being my rock and leading the funeral services so sensitively. St. Marys Episcopal church folks, thanks for your love and support too. Iain, your wisdom was much appreciated and Jean, thanks for being my constant companion beside me in the pew.

Lindas work colleagues at Calderside Academy, especially the office staff - thanks for everything, you supported us on our journey and helped make the funeral service special.

Voice Coach Deirdre Trundle (who sadly died in 2013), you have enriched my life in so many ways throughout the years and I owe you a great debt for coaching me through my delivery of Lindas Eulogy. Thanks Doris Simpson for using your considerable talent in playing the piano at the funeral service and accompanying me with my love song.

The medical treatment that Linda received from the NHS was exemplary. I thank you all; the staff at Calderside Health Centre; Mr Murphy the surgeon and his breast cancer team of nurses at Monklands Hospital Airdrie, especially Jackie; Dr Hicks the oncologist and all the staff at the chemother apy treatment centre at Wishaw General Hospital. A special thanks to all you volunteers and staff at The Haven, especially Marion for using your skills as a hairdresser to help Linda deal with her hair loss.

I would also like to thank - my Counselling Professional Development Group for your encouragement and care for me. Daniel Kish for all your loving support in suggesting alternatives to conventional treatment and Lachlan McIntyre for your invaluable help in my time of need, at the end of Lindas life.

There have also been wonderful souls, who have encouraged me in writing this manuscript and getting it ready for publication.

Thanks to you Fraser and Larinda for coming up with the idea of sending me away on a writers course for my birthday in Inverness. I found it extremely helpful and met Rosey Bensley, who has become a very close friend and confidant. Both of us had stories to tell, so thanks Rosey for reading and editing my script and allowing me to read and edit yours.

However, the main reason that I have managed to get this book published is because of the personal and professional help of Kim and Sinclair Macleod of Indie Authors World. I cannot thank you enough and it is a joy to have both of you in my life. Special thanks also to Alister Blyth for your sensitivity and professional services in editing my document.

If I have missed you out, please accept my apologies and sincere thanks.

Introduction

I started writing this about one year after Linda died. Five years later it was almost ready to be published, but something about it did not sit well with me. I had been motivated to write it, because so many wonderful things had happened during Lindas illness, eventual death and burial and I wanted to share them with our friends and family.

I had written 20 chapters of our journey together. It would tell Our Story! However it gradually dawned on me that it was not Our Story at all, but My Story . Linda hadnt written any of it; hadnt been consulted and hadnt shared how she felt. It was my story of accompanying her throughout this terrible, yet somehow beautiful time.

I have written what I remember and have tried to be honest and accurate. However my memory is fallible and I recognise that others may remember the events differently and that is Their Story .

I needed a title and I had been mulling it over in my mind for a few days, when I happened to mention it to Larinda, my daughter in law.

How about Autumn Leaves?, she suggested with a tear in her eye.

Perfect, I thought.

When I see the autumn leaves, I think of you my Love. Leaves bursting forth into a kaleidoscope of shades of green, red, yellow, orange, brown and purple. Oh how we loved to journey in the autumn of each year to Pitlochry and walk hand in hand along the Pass of Killiecrankie, transfixed by the beauty around us. Autumn sees me return year after year to walk alone, Holly my only companion now. I still feel an acute sense of sadness at your passing, but I am also thankful for having shared so many wonderful years with you.

When I see the autumn leaves it reminds me also that it was in the autumn that you left me, my precious one. Wonderfully, over the years, I have learned to let you go. I want the best for you my beloved, so I let you return to our loving God with my blessing. I journey on now in Gods hands, surrounded by my wonderful family and friends and of course, my four footed companion.