Andy Kahle - Dont Wait for the Green Light

NOT THE END YET

See you at the racetrack.

While I have cried for so many friends

whom Ive lost

and those who are still struggling to survive,

I am reminded that a true friend

lives forever in your heart.

In your heart they will always be strong,

healthy and smiling.

Do not grieve

remember them and smile. :)

Chapter 1

I Guess I just Won Lotto

People like me dont win lotto. People like me arent on the news for doing something profound and amazing. People like me dont travel the world meeting up with celebrities and blogging about it.

People like me dont get breast cancer.

Well, thats what I thought anyway. I know you hear it on the news all the time about the sad loss of a celebrity after her brave struggle with cancer. It makes major headlines, and everyone starts talking about people they know whove had cancer. But thats not me. I didnt have any family history of cancer or even know anyone with cancer, at least not regular people like me. After all, Im just a regular girl, living an ordinary married, suburban life, trying to etch out a meagre living in my own graphic design business, and life-threatening stuff like cancer doesnt enter the lives of people like me.

So how wrong was I? Not about being regular and ordinary. Im still pretty ordinary, even if I do drag race a sub 9 second, V8 classic muscle car. I found out the hard way that regular people like me get cancer too, you just dont hear about it as much.

So let me welcome you into our little suburban house as an inconspicuous fly on the wall. This could be any day of the week, but it just so happens to be specifically Monday night, 22nd of March 2010.

Im just off to have a shower ... do you want me to yell out when Im done so you can jump straight in? I said as I walked past Mick, who was lying on the couch watching sport on TV. Our two dogs, Avey and Peppa, raised their heads, apprehensive about the word shower.

No doubt they could have used a wash, but with everything planned for the upcoming Easter long weekend, it simply was not on the agenda.

Yeh, thanks babe. Ill be in shortly ... I just want to catch the end of the news. Theres a bit about Vermeulen and whether hes going to be back after his accident and race Superbike in Portugal. So, keep it warm for me. Mick is not just a sports nut, but a fully-fledged motor racing enthusiast, which is why making the decision to buy our own drag racing car, after many years helping out with everyone elses, wasnt a difficult one to make at all.

Just as the decision about who would drive the car wasnt a difficult one either. Mick likes to build and work on engines, and I like to drive. The idea of driving excessively fast is a thrill for me. Were the perfect match.

As I was about to lean out of the shower to call Mick in before the hot water ran out, I spotted him in the doorway, jiggling about in all his glory.

Its getting cold standing out here, are you letting me in or what?

So, I stepped aside, tweaking his butt cheeks as we did the 2 people in one little shower waltz, trying not to slip up on the soapy surface.

Slipping in the shower was one situation we did not want to revisit. We had already delayed our drag racing debut by a season when Mick had managed to slip and impale himself on the shower tap. And yes, I did say impale. That just happened to be the night before our intended first track meet.

We had ended a couple of very late nights preparing the drag car for my first track outing when Mick called out, all very casually from the bathroom.

Andy, can you come here?

So casual was his call out that I figured he had just forgotten to grab a fresh towel. Little did I realise, until I opened the bathroom door and saw him standing in the shower/bath with blood pouring out from under his arm, that it was a tad more serious.

Mick had caused himself such a unique injury slipping in the bath and impaling his bicep on the shower tap, that the ambulance attendants asked if they could take photographs of his wound. No doubt so they could share the story with their co-workers, which Mick also still does, but without the photos.

This was the second sign telling us we werent going to be racing right away, the first being earlier that week when I blew up the transmission, while practising my drag racing launch technique in Gonzos workshop carpark.

Then while we were coming back from one of Micks doctor appointments - and because sometimes I run my mouth off before I engage my brain - I oddly announced that it should probably now be my turn. After all, Mick had already had his fair share; with an ankle reconstruction, retinal detachment, and now plastic surgery on his bicep.

What? Mick was shocked at my comment.

I dont mean anything sinister; I just mean it must be my turn for you to look after me, in sickness and in health and all that, I replied. I was hardly ever sick and had only had an emergency room visit from some stitches after a motorcycle accident.

Boy, did that comment come back to bite me. Is it too late to take it back?

Hon, I noticed something different about my boob while I was in the shower, I blurted out. Im not a softly softly type person, and neither is Mick. Besides, Id had lumps on my boobs before, so there was no reason for us to be alarmed. In fact, the thought of cancer didnt even cross my mind. I just didnt think to associate a lump in my breast to the possibility of breast cancer. For me, it was just a lump where there shouldnt be a lump.

Last time I had a lump, the doctor explained that I had very fibrous breast tissue, which is normally something you lose with age. Im not sure if this is something I should be proud of, like having fewer wrinkles, but it did mean Id end up with the occasional cyst. So, this was just a lump, no big deal, just something that had to be dealt with.

Can you have a feel and tell me if I should get Dr Mark to have a look? Maybe I should just leave it for another week and see if it goes away.

I was starting to feel like a total drama queen and wished I hadnt even mentioned it. It didnt seem very big, and with everything wed just been through with Micks arm, I felt we didnt need any more drama in our life at that time.

Youll have to direct where you think it is, Mick changed from jovial to serious in the blink of an eye. His big calloused diesel mechanic hands dont have the same sensitivity as my artist hands, and I could see that he was worried he wouldnt be able to find anything. I felt about, pointed to the spot and then felt a sudden shock at finding it again so quickly. Perhaps it was a little bigger than I first thought. But there was no pain, so I was thinking theres no infection, so therefore theres no hurry to deal with it.

Yeeehhhhhhhh! He sighed in his tired, Im feigning disinterest so as not to cause alarm, the way that he does so well. It wont hurt to go and get it checked out. Like you said, its probably nothing.

It was going to be a very busy week already without trying to squeeze in doctor appointments and a mammogram, but I would make sure I got it checked. With the Easter weekend looming, we had decided to have a busy bee to make room for a massive race shed in our backyard. It just didnt make sense for us to keep taking up space in Gonzos workshop when we had the space at home, and it would be much nicer to have the car here to show off to visitors.

I had to measure and stake out the back yard to calculate the size shed we would be able to fit, and finish drawing up the plans so we could get an accurate quote from the builders. And besides, Im quite the control freak, so instead of getting someone in to do it, Id much rather do all the planning myself. I also had two logos to finish for a couple of my clients, and three websites to design that I hadnt even started to think about, but which needed to be finished before the long weekend. Even though being self-employed and working from home has its benefits, and business was booming, work sometimes felt as if it impinged on real life. I just like to cram so much stuff into my life, hobbies, work, friends and family to catch up, theres just not enough hours in a day or days in a week.