Genia H. Boyles - 4 5 6

Stage 1

Overload

F amily said their good nights, and I got in the bed. Soon as my door closed, I jumped out of bed. Ran to my underwear drawer and grabbed a couple pair of panties. Then Id put on a big, heavy shirt. If I got caught because our hardwood floors creaked, or I was making too much noise, I would just say that I was cold. So lying in the bed feeling good about myself and all six layers of clothing. My brilliant ten-year-old mind thought the more clothes I had on, the harder it would be for him to do anything to me because theres no way hes going to pull off all these clothes. So I finally dozed off to sleep. I got waken up by a kiss. Sometimes on the lips or the forehead. Immediately I realized the extra pair of panties I put on didnt stop him. Not only did he take them off, but now hes shoving one of them into my mouth to keep me quiet, so I wont cry or scream. Or maybe he had his own twisted reasons on why my panties in my mouth was such a good idea. Him touching me hurt. I was cold. I was looking at the door for my mom. I was crying. Hes making weird noises. Then I got sticky again. This was a good thing though. He usually stopped right after I got sticky, so at least I knew its almost over. He wiped me with my own panties. Told me he loved me and kissed me. Its finally over. At least for the night. But I had a plan for next night.

I figured it was my fault because I didnt wear enough panties. I made it too easy for him. So next time Id put on a few more panties and throw in a couple pajama pants too. If I got in trouble by my mom for wearing all the clothes Id tell her its cold in my room and ask if I could sleep with her. Its not like he would do anything with her right there in the bed. That actually worked a couple times. But it wasnt long before Dad said no more. I was too old to be sleeping with them. He started getting angry. It wasnt just the panties in my mouth anymore. It was his forearm to my throat. It was threats of him hurting my brother. And as if those werent enough to get me to cooperate, he decided it was time for me to join in. He forced my hand to touch him.

Its one thing to tell somebody that Daddy was hurting and touching me. But telling them I was touching him, I thought I would get in so much trouble. Sometimes I stared out the window. Hoping Mr. Snake Man would walk by and see whats happening. I cried during his sex fest all the time. When he forced my hand to touch him, I would close my eyes so tight they would hurt. I didnt want to see it. I felt the sticky stuff on my clothes before. But feeling warm, sticky stuff drip or splash on my stomach and hands and between my legs was a different type of torture. He would rub my hand in it, all over me, then all over him. I hated feeling it. I didnt want to see it. I thought the tighter I closed my eyes, it would just end and go away. Like it was a bad dream. Once I realized all the extra layers werent helping and closing my eyes so tight my head would hurt wasnt helping either, thats when I went into my mind.

Stage 2

Genias World

I learned how to separate myself. I would pick a spot in the room. The wall, the ceiling, the window, the top of Mr. Snakes Mans truck out the windowany spot that wasnt his silhouetteand I would focus on it. I made up a whole world. I changed my name. I was surrounded by people who loved me and would protect me. It was my imaginary paradise. I got pretty good at it too. I was able to pick up from where I left off the night before when he was having his way with me. Every once in a while, he would touch me or stroke his finger in and around my vagina so hard that it would draw blood. He would kiss me or bite me and make groaning noises. Sometimes he even got the stickiness on my face when he started rubbing my cheek, telling me I was his perfect, beautiful munchkin. Those things broke my concentration at times. But I would quickly go back to Genias world, at least until hes done. Living in my mind and focusing on my imaginary world stopped me from fighting back as much as I had been, but still it wasnt enough to deter him. I eventually realized this was what a daddy was supposed to be. He loved me. I was his munchkin, and I was beautiful. He said I made him happy. So I changed my thinking, and thats what I focused on.

Then Came Stage 3

Daddys Baby

C rying, fighting, and ignoring him didnt work. So I thought maybe I needed to make him so happy with me that he wouldnt want to touch me anymore. Every chance I had, I told him I loved him. I told him I was going to marry him when I grow up and hes the best daddy in the world. I kissed him on the cheek. I wanted to hold his hand. I became obsessed with being a daddys girl. I thought if I made him happy all day long, he wouldnt need me at night. Or he would be sick of me after seeing me all day. It worked with my older brother. If I stayed in his room longer than ten minutes, talking to him and bugging him, it would agitate him, and he would tell me to stay away from him all day, and he would avoid me. My plan was to do that same thing to my dad. Wanting to go everywhere he went and be all up on him so when nighttime came and he snuck out while my mom was sleep or if she was gone, then he would have no need to come into the room with me because he would be sick of me. fail ! That didnt work either.

It didnt stop him from feeling me up in the bathroom. It didnt stop him from stripping me naked in my bed. Eventually I told myself to suck it up and just deal with it. To just suck it up and deal with it and wait for the sticky part. I was looking forward to the sticky part. That meant hes almost done and I could go to sleep. The nights when the sticky part came more than once were the worst nights. I was so confused! Just wanted it to end. I dont know if anyone ever suspected anything. I was never questioned about it. No one ever walked in and caught him. My mom never mentioned it.

Besides those nights, I had a pretty normal life. I was a prissy little girl. Have tons of cousins, and we were all very tight and close in age. I was a complete mommas girl and adored my mommy. I think I was a happy girl outside of my little secret. Some of the best days I had were when my godsister would come visit. Shae was living in Garland, Texas, with her mom at the time. Being three years older than her didnt mean anything to either of us. We were thick as thieves. I was selfish when it came to her. When Shae and TT Char was in town, they always stayed with us, and we had so much fun. Her mom grew up with my mom and aunts and uncles, and they were like brothers and sisters. So they were every bit of family to us. When my godsister was in town, I treated my cousins like dirt. I completely ignored them. Shae got what she wanted from me, when she wanted it, how she wanted it, and we both loved it that way. She chose the food, the games, the cartoons, which Power Ranger I was, which songs we sang, which toy we played withshe ran me. We both wouldnt have it any other way. I defended her against my cousins, I picked her over my cousins, and I didnt care who liked it. It was me and Shae all the way, every day, all day.

I did notice how fond of my dad Shae was and would ask her questions, like did she have a secret boyfriend that kissed her, or get her to play some type of truth or dare or a secrets game just to see if she had anything to say to me about my dad, but she never once did. None of my cousins did. Then after a few days or weeks, or for however long they were visiting, they eventually went home, and of course things always got back to normal. As long as we had visitors or people spending the night, he didnt mess with me, so I always loved the breaks when they came.