Karin Blak - The Essential Companion to Talking Therapy: Everything you need to know about the therapy journey

This edition first published in the UK and USA in 2021 by

Watkins, an imprint of Watkins Media Limited

Unit 11, Shepperton House

89-93 Shepperton Road

London

N1 3DF

Design and typography copyright Watkins Media Limited 2021

Text copyright Karin Blak

Karin Blak has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior permission in writing from the Publishers.

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Typeset by Lapiz

Printed and bound in the UK by TJ Books Ltd.

A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN: 978-1-78678-480-3 (Paperback)

ISBN: 978-1-78678-481-0 (eBook)

www.watkinspublishing.com

CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

A book like this isnt created in isolation. First of all I would like to acknowledge the influence of the people in my past who have no idea of the effect they had on the route I chose or the journey I travelled, yet have provided some of the anecdotes in this book. Thanks also to my clients and colleagues whose interactions have inspired many of the stories, and the people more recently who actively encouraged and supported me to give a little more when I thought I had nothing left to say. To every name there is a story. Apologies for the blanket show of appreciation, you all know who you are.

I would particularly like to thank Ella Chappell who believed in this project and whose encouraging comments I still refer to in moments of feeling defeated. Also my good friend, Ruth Coxall, who has always believed in me and pushed my imagining of what Im capable of further than I thought possible. Im grateful to my son, Oli Galway, who is a proud supporter and provider of encouraging comments and gin and tonic, and his partner, Kate Sellars, who was possibly the first person to pre-order the book long before the last chapter was written: you are the best.

A big thank you also to my lovely stepchildren, Ellen and Patrick, and especially James who cooked some amazing meals during the most concentrated times of writing and helped to distract me with card games.

My prayers were answered when my first clinical supervisor, Barrie Stow, agreed to read through the manuscript as an experienced therapist. With a keen eye he picked up on inaccuracies and suggested additions, and put my reasoning through scrutiny with a gentleness only he can apply.

To the team at Watkins Publishing who are guiding me through the marketing and publicity processes with enthusiasm and energy, a journey filled with the unknown, thank you all, you are amazing!

Thanks to Tina Skilton, my coach, who dropped into my life at just the right time and who has kept me on my toes. Reframing my fears and reflecting back my self-deprecation with a certain look, she is showing me lessons yet to be learnt.

Most of all my husband and love of my life, Jeff Ollerton, who is always there with warmth, tea, and persistent encouragement, even in the moments when I insist, in a very pathetic voice, that I cant do this! I dont know what Id do without you.

PART ONE

GETTING STARTED

CHAPTER 1

INTRODUCTION

Talking therapies are becoming an increasingly popular choice for people wanting help with psychological issues and trouble-some problems. A growing number of us are recognizing the benefits of talking about experiences that are causing moments of wobble, periods of darkness or spells of psychological discomfort. We have learnt through the positive promotion of talking therapies, reflected in our daily conversations, that talking is the way of working through our problems.

Despite this, therapy remains a mystery to anyone but therapists. We seek it out as if it holds the ultimate solution to our issues, not knowing what to look for in a therapist, what our rights are during therapy, what happens to our information, or what we can expect from the experience. Or even how we can end therapy if for any reason that is what we want to do.

As a therapist I have worked with people from poor as well as wealthy backgrounds, ages that span from 11 to 75, and dealt with a wide variety of issues that can affect our lives. I have had the privilege of listening to and exploring my clients beliefs, views, fears and hopes; their stories from the past and the present, and their visions for the future.

Combining my professional training and my personal experience of therapy, as well as drawing from academic writing and organizations with an interest in mental health, this book will unveil the answers to your questions and those you did not know to ask. It will give you the tools needed to enter the therapy most suitable for you, so you know how to approach it, how to manage your expectations and also how to monitor your progress through the therapy journey.

The case studies will help to illustrate the subject, drawing a picture in the minds eye to put across a different dimension to experiences of mental health and therapy. They are all an amalgamation of situations I have witnessed as a therapist and as a human being; peoples names are just for convenience in referring to them. There will no doubt be occasional similarities to your own experiences. This is because I have mainly chosen some common issues in therapy that will resonate with you. If you read a scenario that seems similar to your own, it will be a coincidence as everyone is different, but perhaps you can take relief from the fact that you share some of your experiences with others. In other words, you are not alone.

When therapists write about therapy, it can often be removed from the authors own experiences of psychological struggle, giving the impression that therapists are stable and balanced individuals who have ironed out any mental health issues they might have, or perhaps even that therapists do not experience psychological struggle. The truth is that many therapists I have met while travelling through this profession have issues they are still working with. The fact that they recognize this and are willing to work with these issues is part of what makes them able to be compassionate and caring therapists. To bring an air of reality to this book, I have included stories of my own struggles through mental health issues and scenarios that will illustrate how therapists seek support to be able to provide ethical therapy.

The information throughout this book is intended to help you stay safe, inform your choices and allow you to enter therapy ready to go deeper. This is the book I wish had been available years ago when I first started looking for the right therapist for my own issues. In handing over my knowledge and experience, I hope it will help you to find the therapist who is going to be right for you so you can get the best out of your emotional and financial investment.

To save long unnecessary explanations or any confusions, I will be using the words therapy and therapist throughout the book to cover any talking therapies, whether this is counselling, psychotherapy, counselling psychology or any other. More information on the many different therapies available can be found in , Choosing a therapist.