Derek Frost - Living and Loving in the Age of AIDS

If I had been better-looking in my early thirties I would be dead. This is the story of those less lucky: of a life interwoven with HIV and the author and his husbands mission to bring hope and relief to others. Derek Frost writes with unsentimental honesty: a stark witness that has been largely absent from the literature. This book is both a history and an inspiration.

Matthew Parris, British political writer and broadcaster, Conservative Member of Parliament 19791986

This memoir is incredibly vivid, moving, and compelling. When I was first diagnosed HIV Positive in 1988 I thought I was being handed a death sentence. Dereks book led me through all the pain and anguish and loss, and also the love and the hope, all over again.

Lord Chris Smith, UK Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport 19972001; Master of Pembroke College, Cambridge University, UK

This is a powerful book, at once a love letter, a well-informed history of the AIDS epidemic, and the life-story of a beautiful young man in London, moving happily through the early days of gay liberation into a time of widespread anguish and despair. The books rhetorical beginning How did it feel then, my darling husband, my J? takes us on a journey into the very heart of darkness, and then, as importantly, out of it and beyond. It moves into a new way of living and loving including the founding and funding of Aids Ark, a charity furnishing essential medications to people living with HIV in some of the most disadvantaged parts of the world. More than a thousand lives have been saved.

Del Kolve, Professor of English Literature UCLA, CA, USA

This is a poignant and heart-touching memoir which gives the forty year global HIV pandemic a truly human face. Its a book that epitomizes the human struggles of sexuality, privacy, belonging, exclusion and stigma all coloured by the complexity of worldwide viral contagion, untimely death and the advancing triumphs of medical innovation. Above all it is a story of coping, overcoming, generosity and enduring love.

Linda-Gail Bekker, Professor of Medicine, President of the International AIDS Society 20162018, Co-Founder of the Desmond Tutu HIV Centre and Health Foundation, Cape Town, South Africa

and about the charity Aids Ark started in 2002 by the author, Derek Frost, and his husband J:

In 2003, when ARVs were but a distant hope for our Sotho people, Aids Ark arrived and made this dream a reality. Many patients who would have died without the treatment made possible by Aids Ark are today not only alive but productive, happy and eager to do what they can to help those who continue to suffer. Aids Ark has truly been a pioneer of ARV treatment in the Kingdom of Lesotho, and for this I express my overwhelming gratitude.

Dr Mphu Ramatlapeng, Minister of Health and Social Welfare Lesotho 2007 2012, Executive Vice President Clinton HIV/AIDS Initiative

Support from Aids Ark has unquestionably spearheaded government-funded ARV access in South Africa.

Dr Jenni Zeinecker, Desmond Tutu HIV Foundation, South Africa

You are soul to Aids Arks humanitarian services. You are founding pillars of the FXB programme which has saved the lives of so many HIV Positive people.

Dr P S K P Raju, Medical Director FXB India

My parents born me with first life. ARV drugs give me second life. Aids Ark who support me with ARV drugs is my life-saver. My health is good. Our family lives again. We have a future. This is the miracle Aids Ark brings us.

From Indazita, one of Aids Arks many beneficiaries

This edition first published in the UK and USA in 2021 by

Watkins, an imprint of Watkins Media Limited

Unit 11, Shepperton House

89-93 Shepperton Road

London

N1 3DF

Design and typography copyright Watkins Media Limited 2021

Text copyright Derek Frost 2021

Derek Frost has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior permission in writing from the Publishers.

1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

Printed and bound in the UK by TJ Books Ltd.

A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN: 978-1-78678-496-4 (paperback)

ISBN: 978-1-78678-500-8 (e-book)

www.watkinspublishing.com

CONTENTS

COVID-19 AND AIDS

A s I sit to finish writing this memoir, to end a long period reflecting on my life as a gay man and the pandemic called AIDS, another invisible killer called Covid-19 has crept unwelcome into our lives. Yet again, the health of our human population is threatened. Lets hope that the legacy of AIDS, and the lessons our ongoing battle to vanquish it have taught us, will help us in our response to Covid-19 and the other pandemics that will, no doubt, follow it; will guide us in how best to save lives, honour human dignity and restore our confidence in the promise of a secure, healthy and joyful future.

From the 2020 UNAIDS Fact Sheet:
Since the start of the AIDS pandemic a median estimate of 75.7 million (range 55.9100 million) people have become HIV Positive, of which a median estimate of 32.7 million (range 24.842.2 million) people have died from AIDS-related illnesses. Annual AIDS deaths have been reduced by 60% since the peak in 2004.

Living and Loving in the Age of AIDS is dedicated to the memory of our many young gay friends who died from AIDS.

Willy Aleman
Andrew Appleton
Stephen Barry
John Beswick
Dicky Bird
Stanley Black
Chris Brame
Angus Brandon
Donald Brown
Richard Burgess
Jamie Burks
Oliver Cadogan
Roberto Cilloniz
Richard Clarke
Andrew Cleveland
Jeff Cochran
John Curry
Les Daley
Wilf Davenport
Julian Hooper Davis
Russell Dexter
Sheridan Dufferin
Nick Eden
David Elliott
Peregrine Elliott
Kenny Everett
Tosh Fitzgerald
Terry Gallowhur
Michael Golder
Ross Hamilton
Nigel Hart
Julian Hosking
Paul Jabarra
Adrian Ward-Jackson
Gervase Jackson-Stops
Charles Hope-Johnstone
Anthony Keith
Nicholas Kimber
Ian Kirby
Doug Lambert
Nigel Lepard
David Levy
Keith Lichtenstein
Malcolm Livingstone
Fraser Logan
John MacLaren
Patrick Morris
Guy Munthe
Tommy Nutter
Edward Pearson
Bob Perkins
Roger Banks-Pye
Geoffrey Roberts
Tim Romanello
Philip Rose
Claus Runkle
Vito Russo
Christopher Selmes
Dana Severn
George de Sipio
Hugh Steers
David Stephens
Philip Sturgeon
Ian Symons
Kip Trafton
Mario Tremble
Sebastian Walker
Conal Walsh
Tom Wilson
Kit Woolcott

Dougie, Fotios, Jorge and the others who came to my yoga class at London Lighthouse and the young men who worked at the Embassy Club or Heaven who died.

My memoir is also dedicated to our many friends across the world who continue to live with HIV infection, to the many who have fought extraordinary battles to survive.

For varying reasons I have thought it best not to reveal their names.

Surviving Aids Ark beneficiaries have been given pseudonyms.