Cathy Cassani Adams - Zen Parenting: Caring for Ourselves and Our Children in an Unpredictable World

Zen Parenting gives us the tools to focus on what is truly important as we raise our children. Be curious, accept lifes uncertainties, and have the courage to ask yourself hard questions so that you can be the parent you want to be for your child. In a world where parents too often feel unsure, judged, or overwhelmed, Zen Parenting gives us a way forward filled with substance and commonsense wisdom. I think this is a wonderful book for any parent!

ROSALIND WISEMAN , author of Queen Bees and Wannabes , founder of Cultures of Dignity

Cathy Adams is a gentle, inspiring guide for becoming a more tuned-in, respectful, and connected parent and human. What I love most about Zen Parenting is Cathys holistic approach to being present and truly showing up for ourselves and our families, no matter how messy, no matter how challenging. This book is a unique offering in the parenting space that focuses on our relationship with ourselves, which is, of course, where being a Zen parent has to begin.

DEBBIE REBER , founder Tilt Parenting, author Differently Wired

Zen Parenting is not a prescriptive parenting method, its a guidebook to knowing yourself better so you can be the type of parent your kids need. Youll leave this book with the awareness necessary to disrupt old patterns and build relationships with your kids that will make you proud. Its a wholehearted approach to changing the future of our families for generations to come.

GEMMA HARTLEY, author of Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward

Zen Parenting offers supportive and empathetic guidance that readers will recognize from the Zen Parenting podcast. Drawing from her own experiences with parenting, her mindfulness practice, and her work as a therapist, Cathy Cassani Adams shows us a path to support and nurture our children by understanding ourselves and re-envisioning our daily parenting journey as a practice, not a destination. By diving into our own joys, fears, shame, and longing, and being more observant and curious about our children, we can do a better job empathizing with and supporting our children as they unfold into the fullness of their identities.

DEVORAH HEITNER, PHD, author of Screenwise , founder of Raising Digital Natives

Zen Parenting takes parents on a journey of self-reflection, but also gives practical tools for how to use that reflection to enhance your parenting. This will be one of the books I recommend to my parents and families.

MERCEDES SAMUDIO, LCSW, author of Shame-Proof Parenting

I have known Cathy Adams for years, and what I admire most about her is how she infuses everything she does with generosity and care. She is as humble as she is wise. Zen Parenting is a beautifully written guide to the parental self-awareness that our kids deserve us to cultivate within ourselves. No matter where you are in your parenting journey, this book will help you bring gentleness and authenticity to yourself and your children.

ALEXANDRA H. SOLOMON, PHD, LCP, faculty, Northwestern University, bestselling author of Loving Bravely and Taking Sexy Back

A sensible, beautiful book, Zen Parenting gives parents what we crave most: a reprieve from our near-constant angst and uncertainty. Readers will be comforted by Adamss relatable style, compassionate tone, and brilliant insights. This fresh take on ancient wisdom is so chock-full of fascinating research, I found myself pausing every few pages to text friends a new statistic or data point. A much-needed reminder that good parenting is a practice, not an outcome, Zen Parenting is bound to help readers feel more assured, purposeful, and confident even shortly after they begin reading.

MICHELLE ICARD, author Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen

Note: The information in this book is true and complete to the best of our knowledge. This book is intended only as an informative guide for those wishing to know more about health issues. In no way is this book intended to replace, countermand, or conflict with the advice given to you by your own physician. The ultimate decision concerning care should be made between you and your doctor. We strongly recommend you follow their advice. Information in this book is general and is offered with no guarantees on the part of the authors or Hachette Go. The authors and publisher disclaim all liability in connection with the use of this book. The names and identifying details of people associated with events described in this book have been changed. Any similarity to actual persons is coincidental.

Copyright 2022 by Cathy Cassani Adams

Cover design by Amanda Kain

Chakra figure designed by Meghan Lee Design, Graphic Designer

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First Edition: February 2022

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Library of Congress Control Number: 2021947536

ISBNs: 9780306925207 (trade paperback); 9780306925191 (ebook)

E3-20211203-JV-NF-ORI

The shape of my life is, of course, determined by many things; my background and childhood, my mind and its education, my conscience and its pressures, my heart and its desires.

ANNE MORROW LINDBERGH, Gift from the Sea

For the people who shape my life.

Todd, Jacey, Camryn, and Skylar

Trying to describe Zen can cause it to lose its meaning entirely. Knowing this, old masters would just say, Zen is Zen, as if that would offer some type of clarity to their students. What they knew is that trying to define or hold the meaning of Zen drives us further from it, and by reducing it to words, it is no longer Zen, similar to the understanding of the first chapter of the Tao Te Ching :

The tao is beyond words

and beyond understanding

Words may be used to speak of it,

but they cannot contain it.

This word puzzle points to the fact that a word like Zen cannot be easily defined, and while its often used to describe being chill or relaxed, that doesnt encapsulate its meaning. Zen points to an intangible and paradoxical Once we respect the impermanence and ever-changing aspects of life, we can be present enough to flow with it rather than try to control it.

Zen is about showing up for every aspect of life, the joy and the pain. Its about observing instead of turning away and accepting rather than rejecting. Its about finding value in what we tend to label both good and bad and appreciating the humor in my favorite quote from Zen monk Shunryu Suzuki, Each of you is perfect the way you are and you can use a little improvement.