Chasten Buttigieg - I Have Something to Tell You

Powerful and inspiring. The Washington Post

I Have Something to Tell You

A Memoir

New York Times Bestseller

Chasten Buttigieg

With a New Preface

An Imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

1230 Avenue of the Americas

New York, NY 10020

www.SimonandSchuster.com

The names and characteristics of some individuals have been changed.

Copyright 2020 by Chasten Buttigieg

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Atria Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Atria Books hardcover edition September 2020

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Interior design by Silverglass

Jacket design by Laywan Kwan

Jacket and author photographs by Carina Teoh

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN 978-1-9821-3812-7

ISBN 978-1-9821-3814-1 (ebook)

For Wanda

A couple of weeks before my husband officially announced he was running for president of the United States, he and I were eating dinner at an unassuming Thai restaurant in DC, enjoying an increasingly rare evening alone after a grassroots event for his exploratory committee. That night was the first time Id introduced Peter, who was speaking to a crowd of hundreds of people, and afterward, security ushered us quickly out the door and into a car. On our way out, flashes of sneak-attack selfies and hands grabbing at my shirt were surprising; the energy in the room had been electrifying and wonderfully supportive, but also intense. We hadnt even launched yet, and here we were, filling large rooms to capacity and getting mobbed at the doorway. The fact that we needed crowd control at all still felt surreal.

We were disappointed that we hadnt been allowed to stay and mingle with the audience, but we soon realized we could use this as an opportunity for some much-needed alone time. Once we were in the car, the team finally agreed we could have a date night, meaning we could grab dinner and go to bed when we wanted. Though the committee had only been up and running for a couple of months at that point, my understanding of luxury had already been completely transformed: getting Thai food and falling asleep at 10:30 p.m. felt like a weeklong vacation in a Tuscan villa.

Our dinner was mostly uneventful, but on our walk back to the hotel, we started to attract attention. Maybe it was the spring weather, but folks were excited to see a political couple out and about, and we were happy to oblige requests for photos and signatures. As we walked down 14th Street, I saw that a small group standing to our left were pretty much staring, and an older woman in the group looked particularly starstruck. We smiled and continued walking, but when I peered over my shoulder, I saw that the woman was following us, and I could see she was already getting emotional. I stopped Peter just as she touched his shoulder to turn him around, and she immediately began to tear up. Im so sorry to bug you guys, she said. Its justIm the mother of two gay children and what youre doing for this country and for them I am just so proud of you and so happy youre getting out there. Her children had caught up with herthey were a little embarrassed, but excited to meet us, too. Hi, were the gay children, the daughter joked as an introduction.

We all shared a laugh, hugged, and took a family photo together, and Peter and I walked away, hand in hand, overcome with joy. People were watching us and responding to our message! But at the same time, that brief encounter made it clear we had a huge responsibility. We knew we had to get this moment right.

Until that evening, Id never considered that I could make someones mother cry just by being myself. In 2019, almost overnight, I went from being a middle-school teacher from Traverse City, Michigan, to becoming a person strangers looked to for guidance, reassurance, and the perfect reaction GIF on Twitter. Id always understood my work as an educator to be about making a small difference in the lives of my studentsI never thought Id be making waves on big issues as one part of the first openly gay couple with a real chance at the White House. The pressure was enormous. I probably wasnt as ready as I could have been, but that didnt matterI learned the hard way that a presidential campaign is a matter of building the plane as its taking off.

How did I get here? First, some background: in 2018, after three years of dating, I married Pete Buttigieg, the mayor of South Bend, Indiana. (Though youll notice I call him Peter, because thats what he goes by with friends and family.) At the time I had no idea wed be celebrating our one-year anniversary on the campaign trail, but just a couple of months after our wedding, Peter and I discussed him running, and I supported it wholeheartedly. As my partner, he had helped me feel safe and believe in myselfI thought he could do something similar for the rest of the country.

Id never thought about what a spouse does on a political campaign, and thats by design. Political spouses are supposed to be everything and nothing at the same time, serving as the perfect supporter for the candidate by working nonstop without ever stealing the spotlight, messing things up, or getting in the way. Theres only one star, as many political operatives will tell you when you work as a surrogate, and its not you. At the same time, the spouse plays a crucial role both in front of the cameras and behind the scenes. You know the candidate the best. You know what picks them up, especially when theyre on two hours of sleep and have to go into their sixth interview of the dayyoure on call for when the candidate needs to get into the right headspace. Actually, youre on call for everything. You show up when the candidate cant be there. You fill in all the gaps. By virtue of your marriage, youre required to be known to the public as the candidates spouse at the very minimum, and youre expected to do a lot more than that.

Of course, I always wanted to help in whatever way I could. I love the guythats why I married him. But campaigning is a lot.

Beyond the relentless schedule and the high stakes, I wasnt prepared for what having to exist in public on the national stage would do to me, my self-image, and my self-worth. Most people have gotten to know me over the last two years through the stories that have run about me in the media, or theyve made assumptions about me based on my marriage (or even my social media). While my new platform has afforded me incredible opportunities that I wouldnt trade for anything, the way my life seemed to be getting away from me was frustrating. Although I never thought Id want to write a book, I started to feel like I needed to tell my own story, as cheesy as that might sound. The more time I spent out on the campaign trail reflecting on my own life and seeing myself in other peoples stories, the more I realized that the experiences and memories I was scared of, embarrassed of, or keeping hidden werent as weird, mockable, or inappropriate to discuss in the context of national politics as Id assumed they were. They were just real, the truth. Even more remarkable, people seemed to appreciate hearing about them.