Rosheen Kaul - Chinese-ish

ROSHEEN

If you asked me what my cultural background was a few years ago, you probably would have got a different response each time, depending on the year and my mood. The usual answer was something along the lines of: Asian, I guess? Lots of different types of Asian.

I fancied myself being Russian for a while, thinking that if I could change my surname to Kaulikova and learn the language, I could run away to Central Asia and blend in with the native population. I certainly didnt look Chinese or Kashmiri, but I could pass for Kazakh pretty easily. I gave learning Russian a go but, admittedly, it was pretty hard. As you can probably tell, identity has always been a contentious issue for me.

I still dont have a tidy explanation or a soundbite that encapsulates all of the diverse ethnicities that make up who I am. There are some that take precedence those that I am by blood mostly, but some by exposure. Others I find irrelevant, through never having identified with those cultures.

My father is from Kashmir, a disputed region between India and Pakistan. Kashmiris have a fascinating ancestry. They are believed to be one of the lost tribes of Israel, who travelled along the Silk Road and eventually settled in the picturesque Kashmir Valley. Kashmiri culture is an amalgamation of influences from the surrounding geographical areas Central Asia, Iran, Northwest China and the Indian subcontinent. Here is where the conversation gets confusing for some: Kashmir is a state of India, but Im not Indian, Im Kashmiri. Half, anyway.

My mother was born in Singapore to Chinese Filipino parents, but was adopted at a very young age by a Eurasian mother and an Indonesian father. By my count, thats six ethnicities already. My grandmother, my oma, was an incredible cook, predominantly of Nyonya (Peranakan) and Malay dishes. Peranakans are an ethnic group of mixed Chinese and Malay heritage, whose cooking is a blend of the influences and traditions of both those regions. Their food is incredibly unique. My grandfather, my opa, was Indonesian and worked as a sailor and engineer on Dutch ships. As a result, classic Dutch dishes would also make appearances on my mothers table.

My mothers first language was Hokkien she only began to speak English at primary school. My grandfather was trilingual but because he didnt speak Hokkien, he couldnt communicate with my mother until she started school and learned English. My mums childhood memories revolve around food a golden era of visiting local coffee shops and hawker stalls with my oma.

I was born in Singapore in 1992. My mother was native to Singapore and my father had assimilated fairly quickly. We had close family from both my fathers and my mothers side living nearby.

We would celebrate Diwali with my Kashmiri family and Lunar New Year with my Chinese Filipino family. In my young mind, both of my parents cultures melded beautifully and easily together. To be Singaporean simply requires you to identify with the culture the vast majority of the population is made up of people of Chinese, Malay, Indian and Eurasian descent. While our family wasnt in the ethnic majority, we were still Singaporean. My sister and I spoke with jarring Singlish accents as a testament to that fact, to my parents horror.

When we were in Singapore, I was too young to be asked the question, Where are you from?. It was when we moved to Australia when I was a little older that I was confronted with it for the first time. My sister and I were enrolled at a very white, very affluent private school in the inner southeastern suburbs of Melbourne. There were six Asian girls in the whole school all Chinese and all born in Australia. They were as Australian as any of the other girls, with bags of Tiny Teddy biscuits and Vegemite sandwiches in their lunchboxes.