Judi Butler - You Dont Have to be a Saint to Make it to Heaven

Chapter

This is the moment. He is dying.

The man I married 52 years ago, lays on a bed in a hospice room, and is dying. I can hardly believe, that we are here all night long, and that we are waiting for the moment he will take his last earthly breath. All his loved ones are here, his children, and me, his wife.

I want to close my eyes and hope to wake up from a dream. Will this be the moment, that our life, our life together, will end? Is this the way he has chosen somewhere in his soul-life, to leave the planet?

He is dying, and now I have a task. I have to take care that his passing is as beautiful and as peaceful as possible, because despite my great difficulty in this moment actually I want to put up a fight: what about me? I know in my heart, that death is a natural process, that we should rather cherish and welcome.

He is the soul that is going Home and will join all the souls, that already departed through that closed passage, forbidden for earthlings. This is his crowning glory, and the start of a new journey on the other side. He will go back to his natural state of pure energy. Once you know that, you can accept and make the changes that will definitely affect all beings involved.

Now there is no more communication, not any contact with words, there are only different sounds from his mouth and small movements from his body. Actually he has already left us, because we are here without any words. We are able to see him, but he cannot acknowledge us. And what he does see and think and feel, stays hidden from me.

All night he has been moving very restlessly and the nurse has adjusted the doses of tranquillizing medication to help his body relax.

My son enters the room with his wife and 7-year-old son. The boy comes standing next to me and sees the dire state of his grandfather. He looks up to me and says,

Grammy, I think we need to pray for Pappy

I take his little hand. He wants to stand next to his Pappy, next to the bed.

We fold our hands and he says a prayer,

Dear God,

This is my Pappy and he is coming to see you, please help him and protect him on his journey

I get tears in my eyes, because he talks so openheartedly to God, asking for help.

I could tell, this little fellow knows, that his Pappy is going Home.

My sister arrives and she, too, wants to say a prayer, and there we pray again, asking God to take care of him.

When my mind is all confused, I like to sing; it helps me to sort out things, so I usually go to Paul and sing,

.YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE

But I cannot finish the song, as I know my sunshine is leaving.

While I am singing, I see the hospital chaplain coming in. He sees the room is full of caring, loving people, who are in a state of bewilderment, because of experiencing an unexpected end of life.

He speaks to all of us and offers any help or consolations.

I talk to him and explain, that my husband is not a religious person and does not want any services, and also, that he wants to be cremated and his ashes be taken to the mountains that he loves. He says prayers with us and then leaves the room.

We are exhausted, as we have been here all night. Some of us sit down and collect our thoughts and rest our weary bodies. Our kids arrived during the night from a long road trip to be here. I decide to pull my chair right next to his bed and hold his hand.

Just as I close my eyes, I start to see sparkles all around us, and I blink to see if my eyes are playing tricks on me, but at the same time I hear my sister say,

He has stopped breathing

I jump up, still winking and blinking as all I see are sparkles!

No, it cant be happening..!

My eyes fill with tears and I am standing right beside him, his body is still and he looks at peace. My daughter, who is a doctor, quickly checks for a pulse and declares,

The pulse is gone!

My husband of fifty-two years is gone,

He is gone!

My mind is blank. I close my eyes and the sparkles are gone! Next, I hear someone say,

..What time is it?

My sister replies,

It is 10:08.

This number is important.

The hospice nurse has been called and comes in to declare him gone.

My mind is asking,

Gone where..?

I tell myself over and over,

All will be okay..

I am now beside my deceased husband, holding his hand and kissing his face and whispering how much I love him.

Within a few moments his body feels very peaceful like a sense of completement has been obtained. I think at this point I can feel a shift of energy in and around the room. To me, this is a sign, that energy in the room is changing, like a spirit is coming or going from the other side. I know this must be his soul releasing and is now hovering above his body. I then call out loudly,

Paul, you are free, go to the light and be with your family. You are free to go!

I say this over and over, until I no longer have this feeling of energy movement.

By now I realize the rest of my family members are displaying their own personal sorrow and grief. They are trying to calm one another from the impact of this happening.

But in my mind I just want to hold his hand and make sure his soul has journeyed on to the other side. I again close my eyes and the sparkles are gone and the energy shift is complete; so I feel his soul has departed.

As we try to collect ourselves and handle the situation, it may have been about ten minutes, the hospice chaplain appears again; he comes to us to say how sorry he is, but he would like to have a private service just for us now at his bedside.

This is okay and I feel it would be a beautiful way to say goodbye.

We all gather around the bed and hold hands, with me holding Pauls left hand and our daughter holding his right hand to complete the family circle. The chaplain begins to pray. Immediately he pulls out an harmonica from his front pocket and plays the song,

Be still my soul.

It is just beautiful and so lovingly played. We cannot hold back the tears any longer, we let them flow. Tears of sorrow, grief, and loss. Then he asks us to say our own goodbyes, as he prays, that Pauls soul has made its journey Home to be with his kind and loving God.

10+8=18=9. 9 is an ending number. If you are interested in numerology, you can see the significence of the time he died. The date of his death is: 5.2.2018=7+11=18=9. So another 9 in his departure.

Chapter

I know for months now, that my husband is in a very poor health.

The doctors tell him, that he is losing kidney function and steps have to be taken to slow down the deterioration, or he will be in trouble.

He has already stated to me,

My intentions are: I will not go on dialysis. If my body cannot heal itself, I dont want any outside intervention.

His attitude to health and doctors was always the same throughout our years of marriage. The body will heal itself. He takes the medicine the doctors prescribe, but he will not talk to them about symptoms or ailments to try to fine tune the dosage. I talk to him about medicines and symptoms and the answer always is the same,

I will be okay, dont you worry about me.

As his kidney readings get worse, the doctors ask him if he will go on dialysis. I already know the answer, but I want him to be the one to tell them of his decision. That is a difficult day, we now both know things do not look good.

As time goes by, he decides, he is not going back to see the doctors. He will go only to his regular checkup. In the meantime, he is now slowing down in all his activities. He seems sick and I question him,