Jessie Clemence - I Could Use a Nap and a Million Dollars: Biblical Alternatives to Stressed-Out Living

At once witty and vulnerable, Jessie has given us a gift, a fresh breath of air. In I Could Use a Nap and a Million Dollars, Jessie has pulled aside the curtain, welcoming us to look at the reality of her life. She puts an arm around our shoulders and says, You arent alone.

Susie Finkbeiner , best-selling author of the Pearl Spence novels

Jessie uses humor, charm, and the perfect blend of truth and grace to help us deal with the stress thats been snitching our joy. She inflates the small tortures of daily life just enough to get us laughing. Then she infuses powerful truths from Gods Word to get us thinking. If you could use a nap or a million dollars, youll find just what you need in these pages.

Shannon Popkin , author of Control Girl

Jessie has the incredible gift of talking about the most important issues in our lives (which can also be the most frustrating and tear-inducing) in a way that will make you chuckle, maybe even snort, and say, Yes, sister. I can survive this, with Jesuss help. Hallelujah. Amen. She will take you to the deepest places in your heart, but in a manner so disarming youll stop mid-paragraph and think, How did we get here? But youll be so glad she took you there, and youll be better and less stressed because of it.

Amelia Rhodes , author of Pray A to Z: A Practical Guide to Pray for Your Community

I Could Use a Nap and a Million Dollars: Biblical Alternatives to Stressed-Out Living

2018 by Jessie Clemence

Published by Kregel Publications, a division of Kregel Inc., 2450 Oak Industrial Dr. NE, Grand Rapids, MI 49505.

Published in association with the literary agency of Credo Communications, LLC, Grand Rapids, Michigan, www.credocommunications.net.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwisewithout written permission of the publisher, except for brief quotations in reviews.

Distribution of digital editions of this book in any format via the internet or any other means without the publishers written permission or by license agreement is a violation of copyright law and is subject to substantial fines and penalties. Thank you for supporting the authors rights by purchasing only authorized editions.

To protect the privacy of individuals, some names and identifying details have been changed.

Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

ISBN 978-0-8254-4487-6

Printed in the United States of America
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For Monday night small group:I cant begin to explain how much joy youve brought to our lives. Thanks for teaching us that authentic community isnt just a phrase hipsters use to sound fancy. We love you, we love your children, and we cant wait to see what God has in store for you next.

H EY, YOU THERE .

Pardon me for a moment, but I see you.

I see you in my small group, at Target, and across the street. I see you carrying a diaper bag and trying to grab little hands before they dart away, or maybe carrying a briefcase while your cell phone is smashed up against your ear. And I see you carefully choosing your words as you face off in another heated conversation with your husband, hoping you dont accidentally say all the things building up inside.

I know your bank account is empty for the third time this month and the car is making a funny squealing sound every time you turn left. I can hear that kid in your back seat screaming from here, and I know youre about to lose your mind.

Youre worried youre a bad mom and a horrible wife and a lousy Christian too. Sanctified women dont hide in the bathroom from their families, do they?

Why yes, maam. They do. They most surely do.

So even if youre hiding in that bathroom right this little minute, I see you. And Im glad youre here. Together we can sort this all out. Were going to get through this, I pinkie promise.

Just hang on for a few more pages, and well find a way through this mess

Jess

T HE MELTDOWN OCCURRED , as many meltdowns do, in the kitchen. One minute I was chopping lettuce, and the next minute I was screeching.

How much? He charged us how much?

Ninety dollars, Eric said calmly. He was peering out the window to see if the water heater repairman could hear my screeching. Of course the guy could hear methe neighbors two houses down could probably hear me. I didnt care. I wanted him to know how upset I was. (From a distanceI may have some issues with confrontation.) I just wrote him a check and didnt argue, Eric finished.

I believe this is the point where I burst into hot, slobbery tears in front of my kitchen sink. The children watched with wide eyes, obviously intrigued but also worried. Mom was having a breakdown in the middle of chopping the vegetables. It was a terrible, novel experience for them both.

The repairman had been in our house for less than two hours to find out why our water heater, which was only two years old, was making popping noises. Through the magic of Google, wed determined it probably had something to do with mineral buildup from hard water. We would have fixed the issue ourselves, but we were already armpit-deep in maintenance issues with our rental house. Our tenant had recently moved out and wed decided to put it on the market. The exit proceedings, the cleanup, and the expensive repairs had pushed us past our wits end.

Also, a cold snap breezed into our Michigan February and the temperatures plummeted to seventeen below zero, which coincided with the exact time the rental houses furnace stopped igniting. Eric discovered this minutes before a real estate agent arrived for a showing. The house was about twenty degrees, the air was filled with the smell of gas overflowing from the non-working furnace, and the pipes had all frozen. Even the toilet. The toilet was frozen. The furnace repair cost hundreds of dollars, and of course that showing was a bust. Who was going to buy a house that was literally freezing and smelled like gas?

Honestly, it would have been a mercy if an errant spark had ignited all that gas and the house had exploded off the foundation.

But explode it did not, which meant we still owned two houses. When the water heater at our regular house started acting up, we were well past our capacity for dealing with stupid maintenance issues. Henceforth, we called the repairman.

He arrived in our basement and, for some reason I still dont understand, opened the water valve to refill the heater. It had taken us hours to drain the thing, which Id explained to him when he walked in the door. He filled it back up and then started draining it. While he sat on a five-gallon bucket and waited for it to empty, he conferred over the phone with his boss.

I was obviously twitchy and out of sorts, because he looked at me like I might be mentally unstable and said, You probably heard that conversation. My boss says you need a whole new heater. Theres nothing we can do.

I blinked and summoned my most calm voice. But its only two years old. It heats water just fine. Its just making that