Mia Freedman - Work Strife Balance

About Work Strife Balance

Whenever women are honest about their struggles, they give other women a gift. Mia delivers. Elizabeth Gilbert

This book is for every woman whos been told success is as simple as Lean In, Say Yes, Live Your Best Life, Beat Your Fear, Follow Your Dream ... and then feel #soblessed.

Its for guilty friends, bad mums, crap wives, imperfect feminists, rebellious daughters and any girl with a big mouth and at least one foot in it. Its for any woman whos ever asked: Am I the only one who isnt quite coping?

Here is Mia Freedmans low road to the top a fearless, hilarious, inspiring and surprising collection of modern misadventures to read, relate to and rejoice in, then share with all the women in your life.

To be generous is common. To be funny is common. To be neurotic is also, alas, common. But to be generous and funny about ones own neuroses is spectacularly rare, and its what makes Mia Freedman such an exhilaratingly readable writer. Mia Freedmans achievements as a relentless innovator in media are profound, but the real marvel is that she can still write a book like this. Funny, raw, fierce and at heart profoundly generous. Annabel Crabb

Contents

For Jason

Home is just another word for you

Authors Note

What I want to tell you before we start

THERE ARE MANY, many books written by successful women who talk about their successes and float their theory about how you can get some of it for yourself if you just Make a Vision Board , Live Your Best Life , Stay In The Moment and Beat Your Fear . Strive and Thrive But Not So Much That You Sleep Less Than Eight Hours . Say Yes and Also Say No . Lean In But Dont Fall Over . Empower Yourself . Practice Gratitude . Dont Lie Down, Be Mindful And Take Power Naps While Standing Up!

This is not one of those books.

You will find no platitudes here about reaching for the stars or just believing in yourself. I promise not to tell you that anything is possible if you want it enough because thats bollocks and we both know it. Also because youre smarter than that and youve bought a book (thank you), not an inspirational meme. Ive always found all that you-go-girl! stuff to be empty, condescending, disingenuous and most of all, incredibly unhelpful.

This book is not about my journey. Its about yours.

My objective in writing so personally is to be helpful to other women because I know from experience that the best way to do this is with honesty. Its easy to share successes and triumphs. Our society is very good at celebrations. Weddings, pregnancies, graduations, promotions, engagements, baby showers, birthdays... but the tough stuff of life the strife is far less transient than a few pinots and some congratulatory hugs.

Eating disorders. Grief. Divorce. Miscarriage. Losing a job. Losing a loved one. Losing your mind. Infertility. Most of these things dont have rituals around them. They exist secretly in our homes, our heads and our hearts. And in an age of social media brag-fests and mindless hashtags it can sometimes feel like youre the only one whos not feeling photogenic (#gratitude) and Instagramming it to the world after using seven different filters.

The way women connect meaningfully in every aspect of our lives is not by boasting about our triumphs on Facebook but by sharing the nuances of our failures, our disappointments and our insecurities. Quietly. Often privately. Over wine. Over text. Over back fences. In person and on WhatsApp. Female friendships and meaningful connections are forged through vulnerability, not humble brags.

So Im going to tell you about some of my most private failures, my most significant setbacks and my most painful vulnerabilities. More importantly, Im going to tell you what Ive learned from them. At Mamamia we call it flearning failing and learning. Learning through failing.

In my teens, twenties, thirties and forties, Ive done a lot of both and Im ready to be brutally, unflatteringly honest about all of it in the hope it will reassure you that youre not alone in your thoughts, your fears or your insecurities. Its not just you, I promise.

In my interview podcast, No Filter , Ive interviewed dozens of remarkable women about their own flearnings and Ive included in this book some of the stories and wisdom they shared that have fundamentally shaped and reshaped how I view everything from work, weight, motherhood, feminism, relationships, marriage, sex, loss and love.

Ready?

Lets do this.

Introduction

The #1 mistake women make

I wanted to call this book Balance is Bullshit . My publisher convinced me to go with a less sweary title and that was probably sensible. Finding the right font for the word bullshit isnt easy.

But I did like the abbreviated version Balance is .

Its easy to text.

Work, Strife, Balance was my next favourite because it neatly sums up the three parts of this book and has the distinct advantage of not having the word shit next to my face.

Its a shame in a way, though, because the balance-is-bullshit sentiment has become my mantra whenever Im addressing this infernal modern obsession with work-life balance.

Balance really is bullshit.

And its holding women back. All of us.

Ive worked in womens media since I was 19 so the media asks me to comment about lady issues an awful lot. I also have a job, children and a vagina which makes me an authority on the lives and choices of all three and a half billion women on the planet.

Let me pull up a microphone, what would you like to know? Probably you want to know how I achieve work-life balance. Or how you can. And the answer is that you cant.

Heres one thing Ive noticed ever since I was a girl looking forward into my imagined future: there is a lot of angst about how to be a woman in the right way.

Physically? Good luck with that. From what we glean from the media as soon as we begin to consume it, qualifying as an attractive woman means being skinny, white, tall, conventionally beautiful, able-bodied, usually blonde and definitely young. Personally, I quickly discovered I could tick off only two of those (white, young) although one wasnt even permanent. Which has left me with... white.

Heaven help my sisters with black, brown or Asian skin or my sisters with disabilities; apparently they barely exist as women at all.

I also understood from an early age how many neuroses there were to be derived from the life choices you made as a woman. Kids or not. Paid work or not. Marry or not. Keep your name or not. Botox or not. Breastfeed or not. Childcare or not. Carbs or not. Feminist or not.

Again and again through my teens and twenties, I noticed this one incessant question being asked: Can women really have it all? Asking a woman about how she achieves work-life balance has become yet another way to ask if women can really have it all; its yet another passive aggressive question whose very premise sets us up to fail.

Because what those questions really mean is this:

How do you ladies do two things at once because lets be honest, you cant and you shouldnt even try. Because there has to be a pretty big cost, yeah? To yourselves, to your employers, to your partners, to your kids, to your SANITY. Someones gotta pay for this arrogant way you chicks want to have children and jobs at the same time. So WHO IS IT? Who is SUFFERING FOR YOUR CHOICES? Which balls did you drop today, lady? Who are you short-changing, RIGHT NOW?