J. D. Simmons - Lately Lesbian

Lately Lesbian
Copyright 2019 by J.D. Simmons

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

ISBN (Print Edition): 978-1-54395-683-2
ISBN (eBook Edition): 978-1-54395-684-9

Preface

A s I sit here writing this preface and getting close to finishing my book, Im still not completely comfortable with the idea of telling my story. By nature, Im a very outgoing person, but I also have a very private side to my personality. When I began this book seven years ago, I did so at the urging of my sister, several long-time friends and my partner. Over the years, they have asked over and over again about whether or not I was going to tell my story and they kept after me to get the job done. At that time, my marriage of 33 years had just ended and I was at a monumental crossroad. My personal life was in great turmoil. I began journaling in an effort to document the events that were rapidly unfolding in my life. My journal was a way to pour out my emotions and try to make sense of everything that was happening to me. In the process of writing, I realized that I would have forgotten so many meaningful details if I had not jotted them down.

My story is a love story like so many others and unlike so many others. At the time that I started writing this book, I had no idea in what ways my life would change, how the events would unfold, the impact that my actions would have upon my friends and family, and where I would end up.

Although my book is my true story, I have changed the names of the characters for obvious reasons. I will walk you down the path of my life and the events leading up to my marriage-ending affair. You will learn the intimate details of my secret desires and worst fears. You will feel the exhilaration and hope of a new and soulful love. You will be saddened by my huge mistakes and the impact that they had on my relationships with my children and family. I hope my story will evoke many emotions and that you will laugh, cry, sympathize, empathize, identify, find hope, let loose of prejudice and judgment, and enjoy!

I believe in the value of my story and its relevance for many people. If you are in a marriage where you are not appreciated, loved, honored, and cherished, I urge you to read this book because you deserve better. If you have ever suffered the heartbreaking loss of a child, my story of loss and redemption may give you hope that life holds the promise of a new found happiness. If you know of someone who is a homosexual and you do not accept them or they do not accept themselves, I ask you to read this book with an open mind, give them a copy, and together consider next steps in reconciliation. If you have strong feelings of attraction for a member of the same sex, but have always been afraid to act upon your feelings because of shame or societys mores, my story may give you courage to begin a walk down your authentic path. If you are middle-aged or older and believe that your life is over and that you will never again find a wonderful, loving partner, I want you to read my story and hold onto the hope of finding true love. If you believe that homosexuality is a choice and not determined at birth or in the womb, I want you to consider the brain research from the past and present that help us better understand the beautiful differences in all of us.

Ultimately my number one goal for writing this book is to help others. When I was encouraged by people in my life that love me, know me, and accept me, warts and all, they stated they believed my story would be helpful, encouraging, and reassuring to others. Over the years, though, I have been surprised by the random occurrence of people that had no deep personal connection to me but have encouraged me to tell my story. Recently, I traveled to Europe for the first time, and while out with friends one evening, I spoke casually with a young man. While talking and with little knowledge of the details of my life, he said, quite out of the blue, You have to write a book. I was shocked and thought to myself, There you go, another person urging you to finish the arduous task. I have often wondered if, through the years, Im getting a nudging finger from God to move forward with this project. Hope it all meets his approval.

We live in an amazing time in which technology can benefit us in so many ways. Part of my purpose in writing this book was to understand myself more fully. My questions were deeply personal and private and they were related to my sexuality. I reviewed research in hopes of finding answers to some of the questions that I had struggled with for many years. I have always thought of myself as a logical and reasonable person. Surely in the 21 st century, there should be mounds of research related to sexuality, sexual attraction, and sexual identification. Ive always heard that the real sexual organ is the brain. I wanted to know and understand if science would support the theory that the brain is indeed the master sex organ. Sure enough, once I began researching, I found a massive amount of research related to sexuality. In this age, when scientists have the ability to do brain scans and sophisticated tests, there is crucial evidence which points out specifically, by looking at brain structures, the differences in homosexual vs. heterosexual brains. Ive included a small amount of the brain research and findings in my book which support the case that whether we are heterosexual or homosexual it is probable the determination is made during embryonic development.

I want to express my heartfelt appreciation to all the people that encouraged me to tell my storyespecially my partner, my sister, and many friends. I believe that I never would have written this book without your selfless encouragement and belief in me. To all my readers, thank you for taking the time to read my book and I hope my story helps you, enlightens you, or speaks to your heart. You are entitled to be loved, respected, and to live life as your true self! Happy reading!

Chapter

In a universe of ambiguity, this kind of certainty comes only once, and never again, no matter how many lifetimes you have.

Robert James Waller

I n the summer of 1995, the darkened theater provided a cool oasis in contrast to the summer heat outside. For the next few hours, I welcomed a distraction from my overwhelming responsibilities of being a wife and mother. Just as the lights dimmed, Terri and I found our way down a middle aisle to the perfect seats as we juggled our buttery popcorn and drinks. It had been a while since my friend and I had seen a good chick flick, and the trailers for this film looked promising. Starring Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood, the movie promised to be a different love story, one where the characters were close to our age, not the young twenty-somethings usually portrayed in love stories.

Without a doubt, the movie The Bridges of Madison County and the novel by Robert James Waller, were blockbuster hits. From the beginning, the movie captured my heart, and I identified with the character portrayed by Meryl Streep. Francesca, a plain and modest farm wife, fatefully met a National Geographic photographer, Robert Kincaid. They had a brief affair while Francescas husband and children were away. When Roberts work assignment ended, Robert asked Francesca to leave behind all she had ever known to be with him in love and life. On screen, Francescas struggle was recognizable, and I could sense the struggle in Francescas head and heart. Should she remain the dutiful farm wife, or leave the safe cocoon of her life for the chance of love and adventure? Near the end of the movie, as Robert is leaving town, and regrettably Francesca as well, their paths cross one last time.