Peter Mayle - How To Be A Pregnant Father

U NLESS youre reading this book under false pretences, you have just become a pregnant father. Traditionally, this is a time in a mans life when he becomes a rather uneasy background figure, hovering on the fringes of the great event. From time to time, catalogs of babys clothing and equipment may be thrust under his nose; or his opinion may occasionally be sought on the size and design of the crib or the baby carriage.

But in between helping to conceive the child and giving out cigars at the other end of the process, very little attention has been paid to the mans side of pregnancy.

And, most definitely, there is a mans side.

For the first-time father, pregnancy can be puzzling, tiring and sometimes hurtful, and a frequent strain on the patience and the digestion.

The most unsettling fact to face is that your dear, familiar wife will change. She will change not only in shape, but also in disposition. She will be subject to uncharacteristic moods and fancies, often following one another with confusing speed.

She smiles, she weeps, she feels ravenous or bilious, she wants company, she wants solitude all in the course of the same day and quite possibly even before lunchtime.

You, sir, have months of this to cope with.

Whether you have a good pregnancy or a miserable one depends largely on your attitude. If youre prepared to become a player in this nine-month event rather than just a spectator, youll enjoy it. Furthermore, youll make things a lot easier for your wife.

This book is based on the assumption that you actually want to join in. And the best time to do that is at the very beginning.

The most crucial period in setting the mood of your pregnancy is now; your behavior during these first few pregnant weeks is vital. This, unfortunately, is a problem. Because once the initial excitement has died down, the chances are that youll start to worry.

Can we afford it? Do we need somewhere bigger to live? Supposing its twins? What happens to the vacation weve planned? Will we have to get rid of the sports car? Will we have to get rid of our sex life? Complications ! Hospitals ! Doctors bills ! Midnight feedings ! No more lazy Sunday mornings ! No more freedom ! No more parties ! Panic ! Help !

Calm down. These are the worries that beset almost every pregnant father, and you will find that they can be resolved quite comfortably over the next nine months.

In the meantime, your wife needs all the attention you can give her. She, after all, is trying to get used to the idea of carrying a small human being around inside her, which is an infinitely more unsettling experience than anything you think youre going through.

So in these early stages, keep your neuroses to yourself. If you start worrying out loud, your wifes going to think you dont want the baby. And if she ever starts thinking that, youre both going to have a bad pregnancy.

Of course, your wife may bring some of these things up herself. If she does, by all means talk them over with her. But if all she wants to do for the first couple of weeks of pregnancy is talk about the joys of parenthood, dont spoil it for her. You have nine months to sort out the practical details. A few days dreaming about your genius offspring will do you both good.

While youre still in that happy state of pre-parental euphoria, here are one or two simple and constructive things you can do to start your pregnancy off on the right foot.

Celebrate

There will be plenty of time for eating and drinking sensibly in the months ahead. But for one glorious evening, as early on in the preganncy as possible, take your wife out for an extravagant dinner. Buy her flowers, take taxis, have all the forbidden delights on the menu, have liqueurs, have fun. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you diet. But on this self-indulgent night, enjoy the fact that youre both having a baby.

Learn about the inner woman

Youll find it useful and fascinating to find out exactly what is going on inside your wifes body.