Jenny McCarthy - Belly Laughs: The Naked Truth About Pregnancy and Childbirth

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Table of Contents

Praise for the coast to coast sensation:

Down-to-earth, irreverent and (bless her) honest, this hilarious book by Jenny McCarthy takes a wicked look at all stages of pregnancy. Perfect for prenatal waits outside the doctors office.

Oxygen

McCarthy is undeniably crass but funny, and her candor and self-deprecation are refreshing... a hoot.

Publishers Weekly

Offers way too much information on childbirth. Actress Jenny McCarthy is frank and humorous with her insights on granny panties, cravings, poopin on the table (This chapter begins: No one ever talks about this!) and other mishaps expectant mothers should expect.

Miami Herald

Chatty and crude.

Chicago Tribune

A book on pregnancy and childbirth hasnt hit the hardcover bestseller charts for several decades. But that has changed with Belly Laughs.

Publishers Weekly, Behind the Bestsellers

[A] comedic book.

Womans Own

Jenny McCarthys pregnancy was not pretty! [This] Playboy playmates new book lays the misery on the linein graphic detail... sets the record straight about what to REALLY expect when youre expecting.

National Enquirer

[A] Best Book for Her... This way-too-revealing pregnancy book will hit snooze on your girlfriends baby clock.

Maxim

A no-holds-barred account of [McCarthys] pregnancy and what other soon-to-be mothers can expect... This lighthearted pregnancy book is ideal for anyone who is pregnant, plans to become pregnant or has ever been pregnant.

Los Angeles Family

Details the trials and tribulations of [McCarthys] tough pregnancy.

Star

You dont even have to be knocked up to enjoy it.

Playboy

Whats noble about this book (yes, noble) is that women who find these topics too embarrassing to bring up now have a place to read about them in a frank and open discussion... refreshing, and, ultimately, necessary. Not to mention funny. Like a gossipy girlfriend, McCarthy brings you in and makes you laugh... A must-have.

Booklist

Funny... blunt.

Wisconsin State Journal

Dishes dirt on giving birth that you never knew you needed to know... [McCarthy] is quite funny and, in the end, this is a celebration of motherhood.

Gotham

Candid.

Toronto Globe & Mail

Jenny McCarthy is now the go-to girl for pregnancy. She tells you things you wanted to know but didnt know to ask.

Toronto Star

McCarthy [is] more cut-up than pin-up... Shes too loud, too blond, too raunchy. Shes also hilarious... [She] minces no words about horrors like flab, Kegels and psycho-chick mood swings.

Northwest Indiana Times

Honest... funny, blunt and totally inappropriate.

Dallas Morning News

A fun, lighthearted read.

ePregnancy

New York Times bestseller
USA Today bestseller
Wall Street Journal bestseller
Publishers Weekly bestseller
Book Sense bestseller
Borders Best Book of 2004
Amazon.com Best Book of 2004
Books-a-Million Best Book of 2004

To Evan

the little man who changed Mommys world.Thank you for filling my soul with giggles andallowing me to experience the kind of loveI had only read about in fairy tales.You are my sunshine.

So You Got Knocked Up?

(Getting Pregnant)

Though as a warning we were always told that getting pregnant was an easy thing to do, most of you know that trying to get pregnant can be a grindnot always nearly as easy as they told you back in sex ed. Still, you did the nasty and got the job done. Congratulations and welcome to the club! Youre finally going to get the opportunity to fully utilize your uterus and get to know your vagina in ways that youve never imagined.

As most mothers will tell you, pregnancy is a roller-coaster ride full of laughs, cries, aches, pains, and love the likes of which youve never experienced before. But because theyve either conveniently forgotten with time or theyre trying to be supportive, most mothers wont tell you how hard pregnancy (and then childbirth) can be. Let me tell you, it is. Its brutal sometimes! But, if I did it, ANYONE can do it. I mean, I always knew I was meant to do something really BIG in life, and now I know that this was it. Screw winning an Academy Award someday... I GAVE BIRTH! In my eyes, women should be adored and thanked on a daily basis for their strength, endurance, and willingness to give birth. If it were up to men to do so, Adam and Eve would have been the only humans to ever walk the face of the earth.

If you bought this book, you are already aware of my frankness when it comes to certain thingsanatomy and bodily functions among them. If someone gave this book to you as a gift and youve never heard of me, apologies to you! Because pregnancy took my frankness to a whole new level. I found myself revealing things about what was happening to me that most women are way too embarrassed to talk about. But what I found is what I hope youll discover, too: Its a huge relief to know that other women are going through similar gross and smelly things. And girl, are they ever. No pregnant woman has entirely escaped the rough waters that lie ahead of you. Some got off easier than others, of course, but in one way or another, weve all been there. And having been there grants all of us membership in our own massive club. (Though he may be supportive and understanding, not even your male gyno can get access to our club. I mean, hes seen the process up close and really personal, but has he squeezed a watermelon through the hole in his penis to approximate the pain his patients feel? I dont think so.)

Bottom line: Brace yourself. The only silver lining to the horrific things I went through is that I can relay them here for your reading pleasure. You are going to hear me tell it like it is. Sometimes Ill make you laugh and sometimes Ill scare the shit out of you, but know this... I think its in your best interest to know the full range of strange things that might happen to you. And whats more, I would do it all over again in a second, and when alls said and done, Ill bet youll want to, too.

Honey, Your Sperm Really Do Work!

(Pregnancy Tests)

Finally, his sperm have been put to good use. His poor little fish didnt have to die in a cold rubber, drown in spermicide, or get scrubbed out of your hair. They have served their God-given purpose, and the little dipstick that can change your future has confirmed that life is indeed about to change for you. Heres how it all happened for me.

When we were trying to conceive, my husband and I were afraid of doing anything that seemed inappropriate during sex, like, say, uttering the slightest noise. Missionaries never had it so quiet and clean. We knew that what we were doing was creating a beautiful life, so the last thing I was going to tell my husband to do was to slap my ass and call me a naughty bitch. Our innocence seemed to have worked because weeks later I found out I was pregnant. Discovering was one of the most fun parts of the entire process.

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