Infinite Ideas - Help! I want to change my life: Become the person you want to be

Help! I want to change my life

Become the person you want to be

Infinite Ideas

Previously published in paperback as Shape up your life

8. Design your life

Sometimes its not the most talented, gifted or exceptional people who reach the top. So, whats stopping us?

When the famous industrialist Andrew Carnegie set Napoleon Hill the task of finding out what made successful people successful, Napoleon found out a few vital top secrets from all the hundreds of successful people he interviewed. One of these jewels was that you have to be definite in your purpose or you dont get to your destination. Definiteness of purpose is just another way of saying goal setting know where youre going and make a plan to achieve it!

Go and get a pen and paper right now and start listing the things you want to do or have. You must be specific when you write down your goals. If, for example, you want a car, then specify what type of car you want. Next, set a time when you want to have achieved each thing by and, finally, make a plan of how you might achieve this. This is powerful stuff but only if you get it off the page and start doing it! Having someone to spur you along is a great way of ensuring that goals are ticked off.

Visualisation is a powerful way to reinforce goals and it can sometimes produce some astounding results. Many years ago, I was between apartments and visualised somewhere big in a great, central location, with very little rent to pay. Highly unlikely! However, the next day a friend of mine left a message asking whether I knew anyone who wanted to look after a two-bedroom flat right in the part of town Id had my mind on. I paid very little for it too.

Heres an idea for you

If a goal appears to be too big and intimidating to tackle try to break it into bite-sized chunks. First look at the whole dream and do a five-year vision, based on where you dream of being. Ask yourself what you need to do to achieve that. Then list just one thing, however small, you could do today to get there.

Defining idea

Nothing happens unless first a dream.

CARL SANDBURG

9. Living leadership

Leadership at work, at play or with family recognises different styles of approach to inspire individuals to act in the best interests of themselves and of the group.

The full spectrum of leadership style starts with the autocratic and moves through five stages to the democratic. However, research has shown that two more successful leadership styles Push and Pull comprise a combination of stages.

• Tell is a very directional style that tells people what to do and every step of how to do it.
• Sells style leadership is still directional, but people are given the reasons why the leader wants them to do it.
• Tests leadership asks for the opinion of the others involved. Its still the leaders idea, but opened up to the teams ideas and modifications.
• Consults style is when the leader asks the team for ideas on how to handle a given challenge or opportunity.
• The most democratic end of the spectrum involves the group taking on a challenge, deciding what needs to be done and then getting on with it with no direction from the boss.

The Push style of leadership is a combination of the first three stages, and the Pull style is a combination of the last three. There is no right or wrong here and each is appropriate in certain circumstances. Some situations require a decisive, directional leader. However, if you are constantly telling your team or your children what to do, how to behave and what you expect of them with no respect for their ideas or thoughts, you are unlikely to ever achieve long-term outstanding results.

Contrary to what we may have been brought up to believe, the strongest form of leadership is the pull style, which involves appreciating everybodys contribution and recognising their achievements. It is the most challenging but sustains outstanding performance.

Heres an idea for you

How do you behave when youre with your family? Do you tend to tell them what to do? Do you persuade them that your approach is the right one? Do you overpower them with your ideas? Next time a decision needs to be made, involve them all in the process. Dont forget to support and appreciate their input.

10. Team games

Its easier to live life to the full if we have people around us who support and encourage us.

The first team that we become aware of in life is the family, though we probably dont think of it that way, growing up. How many families sit down as a group and think about how they might all effectively work and play together? Do they ever ask themselves what their individual strengths are and what each can bring to the family unit? Many of us grow up feeling its not ok to ask for help that this is somehow a sign of weakness and means that were not good enough. We may also find it difficult if were put in a position where we have to work with someone else, especially if they want to do something differently from us.

Teamwork is about knowing what you want to achieve, having a clear vision and then agreeing what strengths and abilities each team member can contribute. Each individual should think of all the ways that they can both do their bit and encourage and support everybody else to do theirs. Communication is critical ensuring that everyone knows how their bit is going so that any decisions that need to be made can be made with all the information available. In the workplace, this is where it goes wrong nearly every time. Individuals can get so carried away with their part of the job that they forget what impact their decision could have on someone elses area, which can cause chaos and upset.

Heres an idea for you

Get your family together and draw up a vision for your ideal family how it would be, how it would feel and what it would be doing. Discuss the strengths that each person might bring to this vision, the role each person would choose to play and the behaviour they may want to demonstrate. Now see how committed and determined each person is to creating that ideal.

Defining idea

The way a team plays as a whole determines its success. You may have the greatest bunch of individual stars in the world, but if they dont play together, the club wont be worth a dime.

BABE RUTH

11. Effortless balance

If you feel youre working your life away, take stock of your life and do things differently.

Get a large sheet of paper and draw a big circle your wheel of life. Divide the circle up into eight to twelve sections, like the spokes of a wheel. Allot each section to an area of your life such as Relationships, Careers, Social, Health, Spiritual, Family, Dreams, Experiences, Aspirations, Leisure, Self-development, Attitude and Finance. Give each section a score out of 10 where 10 is perfect and lies on the outside of the circle and 0 is a miserably low score and lies in the middle of the circle. Next join up the dots so your wheel of life ends up with an amoeba-shaped splodge in the middle of it. You should now be able to see where your life is out of balance.

Take two or three of the low scorers off and start setting some goals in those areas. Visualise the big picture first and decide where youre heading. Next, start making a list of goals on your path to achieving this big dream, even if its only one small goal at a time. You might find out in doing all this that your goals change and evolve but at least youll know that youve looked into them before rejecting them.

Before you start anything do your integrity list. Make a list of the day-to-day things that affect your life such as your environment, your health, your emotions, your finances and your personal relationships. Within these sections, make a list of all the outstanding areas that you havent given attention to and make a timescale to resolve them. Once youve cleared all those annoying areas that hold you back, youre ready to carry out your big dream plan.