Jillian Brasch - The Last Gifts: Creative Ways to Be with the Dying

The Last Gifts 2008 by Jillian Brasch. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews. For information, write Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC, an Andrews McMeel Universal company, 1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64106.

E-ISBN: 978-0-7407-9078-2

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

www.andrewsmcmeel.com

Brasch, Jillian.
The last gifts: creative ways to be with the dying / Jillian Brasch.
p. cm.
1. DeathSocial aspects. 2. DeathPsychological aspects. 3. Helping behavior. 4. Creative thinking. I. Title.

HQ1073.B726 2008
306.9--dc22
2008017991

Cover design by Tom McKevney

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For Eddie

Exquisitely written, The Last Gifts: Creative Ways to Be with the Dyingis a heart-opening guide not just for health-care professionals but also for family members and friends of a person who is ill, disabled, or dying. From her disarmingly honest personal introduction to the compelling stories of the dying people themselves, Jillian Brasch gives us an emotional map of how to be genuinely helpful. Youll be able to use your own creativity to help the person you love through his or her illness with its physical, psychological, and spiritual challenges, right up to their death and your bereavement. Jillian Brasch and her patients model deep courage and unconditional love.

G AIL D ONOHUE S TOREY ,
author of The Lords Moteland Gods Country Club

Jillian has written a compelling book, rich with insight and the satisfaction of small triumphs. The story of her experiences growing up reveals the quality of her spirit, and her creativity shines out of every description of her work. She draws her characters with such clarity and compassion that we feel we know each patient, in both shadow and sunshine. Jillian is a gifted writer, and she has given us stories and lessons that are simply told and thoroughly imbued with gentle wisdom. This book should be on everyones reading list.

M ARY S TEPHENSON ,
hospice volunteer director

These people stepped out of the pages and sat next to me as I read their stories. The Last Gifts: Creative Ways to Be with the Dyinggave me a whole new level of understanding about how to live, not only among the dying, but also among the living. Now, Im more present with my children and I listen to their realneeds. After reading The Last Gifts,I have a desire to live more fully and not take life for granted. I was changed by it, made better by it, awakened by it, educated by it, and enlightened by it. This book shows us how to step beyond the obvious into the realm of truelove.

L INDA L EIBOWITZ ,
caregiver to her dying mother

My experience of my best friends death would have been very different or possibly even traumatic without the wisdom and guidance in this book. Jillians experience and insight were a profound gift to methe gift of really being with my friend during the time of her death. Jillian helped me keep a loving, spiritual perspective through the transitions, which meant that I could be fully present with my friend in ways sheneeded. I will always be grateful.

P AIGE Y OUNG C ANNON ,
caregiver to her dying friend

I dont believe people are afraid of death.
What they are afraid of is the incompleteness of their lives.

T ED R OSENTHAL ,
having been told he had leukemia at the age of thirty,
How Could I Not Be Among You?

In telling these stories as I experienced them, I have made every effort to protect the privacy of all individuals and institutions. All names are pseudonyms and some of the places and specific events have been fictionalized in order to protect privacy. I have tried to preserve the activities that we worked on together as accurately as possible.

I have intentionally tried to downplay the diagnosis when it was not relevant to the integrity of the story. They are all dying patients. I think it is more helpful to read about what each individual went through rather than read about their specific diagnosis.

Although I often refer to persons living their dying as dying patients and my time with them as sessions, this is simply an efficient way for me to communicate in the format of this book. I specifically left out physical activities requiring medical training, with the exception of biofeedback. While this is only available to someone who has been trained to use it, there are other forms of relaxation and stress management that can also be used.

This book will be helpful to anyone in the proximity of a dying person. My intent is to share my experiences as an occupational therapist in order to encourage you to use whatever skills youve accumulated throughout your life to assist the dying, making their transition as rich and comfortable as possible.

Knowing Cindy Pickard has enriched my life beyond measure. She invited me to work with the dying and said just the right words of encouragement when I was saying Gee, I dont know. Sounds depressing. The open-hearted way she works with people is my continual inspiration.

Gail Donohue Storey gently pulled the stories out of me and then provided sensitive, thoughtful editing, infinite patience, generosity, and kindness. She is my guardian angel and I could not have written this without her.

Eddie Brasch gives me unfaltering love and support in all that I do. His enormous creativity and love of life heal me. I cant believe my luck.

I am eternally grateful to Allan Stark and Marc Winkelman who never lost faith in me or this book. I can also never thank Hugh Andrews enough for taking a chance, and Chris Shillig who held my hand and led me through the process of turning the manuscript into a book. I appreciate and respect her knowledge and editing.

Thanks to The Reverend Beth Sherman for the heartfelt bereavement ritual.

I want to thank Diane Breidenstein, Lori Burkhart, Piper King, Linda Leibowitz, Becky McGaughy, and Carol McKinney for early readings and support any time I needed it. I also want to thank Chuck Brasch, Randy Meek, and Amy Weidmann for their continued support.