Catherine Deveny - Its Not My Fault They Print Them
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- Book:Its Not My Fault They Print Them
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- Year:2007
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Its Not My Fault They Print Them: summary, description and annotation
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Each week in the pages of the Age, Catherine Deveny tackles the big issues of modern life with hilarity and passion and in her own inimitable style. From 4WD owners to Nick Giannopolous to women who take their husbands name, Deveny isnt backward in coming forward.
Its Not My Fault They Print Them collects Devenys funniest, most biting work, published and unpublishable (till now). Bound to spark heated debate and riotous laughter, it includes her views on elective caesareans, private education, McLeods Daughters, Sam Newman and much, much more.
Prepare to be tickled, cajoled, outraged, baited and amused.
The most memorable flash of the Beaconsfield mining disaster coverage for me was the moment I saw Eddie McGuire down at the Beaconsfield Pub holding a beer and saying mate a lot. Like many people, my first thought was, Havent these people been through enough?
Catherine Deveny is a television comedy writer, comedian, author, social commentator and broadcaster well known for her work as columnist with the Age newspaper and as an ABC regular.
Catherine Deveny: author's other books
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HAVE MOUTH WILL TRAVEL
RESERVOIR DOG
FROM COBURG WITH SAUCE
MENTAL AS ANYTHING
WILL. YOU. SHUT. UP.
DONT ENCOURAGE HER
OFF HER CHOMP
ITS NOT MY FAULT THEY PRINT THEM
THE LOVE CHILD OF GERMAINE GREER
& CHOPPER READ
PERFORMING MONKEY
IT WAS CRAP THE FIRST TIME
SHES ASKING FOR IT
JUST SHOOT HER
BETTER THE DEVENY YOU KNOW
GO IN SWINGING
DONT GET ME STARTED
ACT YOUR AGE COLUMN
IS SHE FOR REAL?
HAVE TITS WILL TALK
LIFE LESSONS FROM A MAD WOMAN
SHES ASKING FOR IT
NO FEAR WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE
HASNT SOMEONE KILLED HER YET?
BARKING MAD AND FULL OF SHIT
RAMBLINGS OF A DYSLEXIC FEMO-ATHEIST
UNINFORMED, ILL-ADVISED & OVER-RATED
BIGMOUTH STRIKES AGAIN
SHE BANGS
THIS WOMAN NEEDS A SLAP
BIG MOUTH. BAD TEETH
MOLE WITH A VIEW
*
Published by Black Inc.,
an imprint of Schwartz Publishing Pty Ltd
Level 5, 289 Flinders Lane
Melbourne Victoria 3000 Australia
email:
http://www.blackincbooks.com
Catherine Deveny, 2007
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the prior consent of the publishers.
The National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication entry:
Deveny, Catherine, 1968- .
Its not my fault they print them.
1st ed.
ISBN 9781863951197 (pbk.).
1. Australia - Social life and customs - Anecdotes.
I. Title.
919.4
Book design by Thomas Deverall
Printed in Australia by Griffin Press
For Marzy.
Who has cheered me on every step of the way,
despite numerous requests to shut your wife up.
*
With thanks to the people who believed in me.
Especially: Sally Heath, Jonathan Green,
Suzanne Carbone, Louise Fox, Caitlin Crowley,
Michael Veitch, Guy Rundle, Rove McManus,
Marie-Louise Walker, Pat Deveny, Chris Feik,
Andrew Jaspan
*
My earliest memory is
Going to a little boys fifth birthday party, handing him a
wrapped up matchbox car and saying There you go Mark,
its lipstick.
At school I
Was the dag with the buckteeth and the bad clothes.
I dont like talking about
My sex change.
I wish Id never worn
A flannelette shirt and moccasins.
My mother always told me
I was too loud. And if people asked, to tell them that she
was my aunty.
I wish I had
Become an atheist earlier.
I wish I hadnt
Said cunt when I was hosting a ball for my kids school.
Its not fashionable, but I love
Barry Jones. And rissoles.
Im very bad at
Eating and not getting it on my clothes.
The book that changed my life is
The Benny Hill Story.
Friends say I am
A pain in the arse.
The song Id like played at my funeral is
She Bangs.
The hardest thing Ive ever done was
Get over Keating losing the 1996 election.
What I dont find amusing is
That funny smell in my fridge.
If I wasnt me Id like to be
One of my kids.
At the moment Im reading
Viz.
My favourite work of art is
Still Life by Mario Strano.
Im always being asked
Do they pay you to write that stuff ?
I often wonder
How much I would get for my kids if I sold them for experiments.
Tell us something about the place where you grew up
Reservoir. The only place in the world where people get
married wearing tracksuits and where they have bouncers in the supermarkets.
Who would you like to be stuck next to on a long-haul flight?
Noam Chomsky. Or Louise Fox. Or Bill Hicks.
If you could be a character in a movie, who would you be?
Larry David from Curb Your Enthusiasm.
When was the last time you apologised?
Today. I drive an old Volvo with a SORRY sticker on the
back window. Its not about the stolen generation, its about
my driving. And the environmental vandalism caused by
driving such a wheezing old tractor.
What do you owe your parents?
Nothing.
What keeps you awake at night?
Sex.
What makes you happy?
Swearing.
Can you keep a secret?
Yes. But you have to tell me its a secret, otherwise it ends
up in one of my columns.
What was your favourite toy when you were little?
A doll called Gracie.
What happened to it?
My sons have poked her eyes out, chopped her hair off with
a whipper snipper, given her a swallow tattoo on her neck,
written on the back with texta For a good time call Mum and decapitated her.
If you had a spare $50, what would you spend it on?
The Asylum Seekers Resource Centre. Or mullet haircuts for my sons.
What are you working on now?
Teaching my dyslexic son how to read (Im dyslexic too). I
saw this T-shirt the other day and it said DYSLEXICS
UNTIE! Took me ages to get it. Seriously.
What is your favourite book?
The Dog Delusion by Richard Dawkins.
Do you imagine tomorrow will be better than today?
No.
What trait do you deplore in others?
Voting Liberal.
If you look out the window right now, what can you see?
Three nude dwarves punching each other up on the trampoline.
Wait a second, thats my kids.
*
Who the hell is Jana Rawlinson? Jana Wendt I know, Jana Pittman I know, but Jana Rawlinson? So I check out the snap. It looks exactly like Jana Pittman. But her name is Jana Rawlinson. How bizarre. That has to be some crazy coincidence. A woman called Jana with a different surname who looks exactly like Jana Pittman. And, get this, shes a hurdler too. Freaky.
Oh, I get it. She has put a few noses out of joint in the past so shes keen on a bit of incognito action. Youd think shed change her first name too. Then it dawned on me. She has got married, bizarre enough in itself these days, and changed her last name to her husbands. What an anachronism. Maybe she changed her name to go with the chastity belt, the crinolines and the stick no thicker than his thumb that her husband is allowed to beat her with.
Wake up! We are in 2007 Women are no longer owned by their father and then their husband. So why are some women still changing their surnames? And why do some men still want them to? Its sad, its misogynous, its archaic, its insecure and its unnecessary.
Why would you do something so drastic simply because you decided to delude yourself that it was easier? Because you are deeply insecure, deeply conservative or deeply stupid. And in deep denial.
I ask women why they changed their last name. They tell me its just easier. Its not. How easy is it to change the name on everything from your drivers licence to your library card? Its not. Many of the families I know have up to three different surnames and have no problem at all.
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