Copyright Page
2016 by Dan Dupee
Published by Baker Books
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.bakerbooks.com
Ebook edition created 2016
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-0162-8
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
Scripture quotations labeled ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2007
Scripture quotations labeled GNT are from the Good News TranslationSecond Edition. Copyright 1992 by American Bible Society. Used by permission.
Scripture quotations labeled KJV are from the King James Version of the Bible.
Scripture quotations labeled Message are from The Message by Eugene H. Peterson, copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations labeled NLT are from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Some names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.
Endorsements
Parenting is the most difficult, painful, glorious and sweet gift I have known in this life. Parenting college-aged young adults is as complex as any calling on earth. Dan Dupeea parent, an educator, and president of one of the most remarkable college ministries in Americaoffers tender, humbly wise, and compelling counsel for walking the tightrope of parenting children who are of the age to not want to be parented. Dan guides us to neither give in to the need to micromanage or justify cowardly detachment. Further, he explores the wealth of opportunities to participate in learning to join your child in the adventure of making faith the framework to explore all knowledge. Your relationship with your child will grow far beyond your wildest dreams as you explore this glorious book.
Dan B. Allender , professor of counseling psychology and founding president of The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology; author of How Children Raise Parents and Healing the Wounded Heart
Dan Dupee has great news for all of us raising teenagers: We continue to be the most influential people in our kids lives. With biblical wisdom and a healthy dose of common sense, Dan encourages us to realize that our teenagers need us now more than everand with love and guidance, we can send our kids out into the world with a vibrant faith of their own.
Jim Daly , president of Focus on the Family
As a parent of two teenagers, I found It s Not Too Late both encouraging and empowering. Dan Dupee deconstructs myths that leave moms and dads feeling inadequate to influence their childrens faith and replaces them with Gods wisdom, grounded in Scripture, sociological research, and anecdotal experience. You will find help and hope in these pages!
Jerusha Clark , coauthor of Your Teenager s Not Crazy
It s Not Too Late . That is Dan Dupees important message to parents of children who are in the transition from child to adult. As a college professor myself, I see many people in this age group every day, and while they are coming under other influences, I agree that parents remain vitally important in the lives of these young men and women. Dan gives great practical advice based on theological insight and, out of his long experience as CEO of the Coalition for Christian Outreach, a deep knowledge of this age group and their parents. Every parent ought to read this book!
Tremper Longman III , Robert H. Gundry Professor of Biblical Studies, Westmont College
There is no one I trust more on this topic of raising kids who can transition well into their young adult and college years than Dan Dupee. Ive watched his leadership within the campus ministry organization he leads and how he pays attention to the ways young adults thrive and grow, and Ive seen his family, including his own young adult kids, and admire them greatly. This book is one of a kind, bringing together great stories with reliable research, helpful biblical truth, and keen insight gleaned from focus groups and interviews with parents of older teens and young adults. He knows the issues and he has learned what works, even in difficult times and in painfully messy situations. Our culture implies that parents have little influence over their college-aged sons and daughters, but Dupee proves otherwise and invites us to hopeful, engaged, positive parenting. This book will be reassuring and helpful to parents and will change the tone of the conversation about emerging adults in the church.
Byron Borger , Hearts & Minds Books
Dedication
To my wife, Carol,
truly a woman of noble character,
and to our parents,
Dave and Kay Dupee and Jerry and Mary Gail Korsmeyer,
who have shown us how
to love our kids by loving us.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
Endorsements
Dedication
Introduction: Theres Hope for Your Great, Scary Expectations
1. A Foundation of Wisdom
2. Getting Clear on the Goal
3. Seven Myths That Might Be Sabotaging Your Parenting
4. You Are Nowhere Close to Being a Perfect Parent: Thats Okay
5. Losing Control as Your Kid Grows: Time to Develop Influence
6. Center on Home: It Is Still the Place of Greatest Opportunity to Grow Faith
7. Invite Community: Good Parenting Requires More Than Parents
8. Invite Kids: Guide Your Kids from Peer Pressure to Peer Positive
9. Christian Kids Can Thrive through College
10. When the Wheels Are Falling Off: Look for Spiritual Growth
12. Theres Hope for Your Great, Scary Expectations, Revisited
An Afterword for Fathers
Acknowledgments
Notes
About the Author
Back Ad
Back Cover
Introduction
Theres Hope for Your Great, Scary Expectations
Youre in a classroom with an unlikely collection of people (the guy behind the meat counter at the grocery store next to your college sweetheart), while someone who looks vaguely like a professor begins to pass out a final exam. The feeling in your stomach goes from butterflies to pre-ulcer panic, becauseson of a gun!you forgot to show up at this class for an entire semester! You realize this is not going to turn out well at all. To make the whole experience complete, you are not wearing pants.
Thankfully, at this point you begin to wake up and shake off the dream. Hey, wait a minute , you think. I havent taken a final exam in thirty years, and Ive never been in a classroom with the guy behind the meat counter. Whew! Your subconscious has been working overtime on some loose end in your lifesomething capable of producing regular anxiety.
If you are a Christian parent of a child ranging from sixteen to twenty-three, I have at least one idea of what might be making you anxious. You might be turning two questions around repeatedly in your head: Will my child navigate the dangers of post-high school and make a successful transition into adulthood? When my child gets to the other side of college or into the job market, will he or she still be following Christ?